- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Long story short, my dad promised me an undisclosed amount of money (it kept changing, but it was a significant amount) for doing something for him. I never accept money from my dad, but he asked me to use my law license as a broker’s license (which I could in NY) to help him sell a house and get the commission – so the amount of money was the commission. The house sold, I’m not sure if they closed, yet – but the other day he pretty much told me that he wanted me to use this money to buy a house. He’s a bit unclear, I think b/c he’s uncomfortable, but tries to be controlling. First, he said he wanted me to buy a small place, like an apt (here in SC), something I could rent and something that would be mine and that my Fiance didn’t have to know about – a place to go in case we ever broke up. Then he told me to have Fiance help me find a place that we could rent out b/c right now we really need to be thinking about making as much as possible. Whatever.
My dad and I are in 2 different lanes. I don’t want to be a landlord, I don’t want to become the next Trump (exaggerating, but you get my drift..). I just want to live a normal life. I’m very happy in SC, I love my job here, I work in public interest which doesn’t pay well, but it’s OK. I’m happy renting an apt with my Fiance and working towards a life together. So when I told my dad no, he said he would “hold on to the money, if that’s ok” until I found a place b/c he didn’t want me to just spend it and then not have a house. I was really pissed for a few reasons – that he assumes we will break up, that he promised me money and I held up my end of the bargain and now the money comes with strings attached, that he suggested I do something behind my FI’s back.
So I called my mom to complain about this and she was on the same boat as my dad. Which just makes my feelings confirmed – they don’t really care much for my Fiance, they don’t care for our relationship, they don’t care that we’re happy, they want us to be happy on THEIR terms. He’s not the same religion (which, I’m athiest, but they don’t care about that either), he’s not a millionaire, he’s having some trouble employment-wise right now and they just can’t see passed all that and see that I AM HAPPY. WTF.
I love my parents – they’ve done SO much for me and I know they love and they’re just trying to protect me. Talking to them doesn’t help – they’re in denial about their ways and if I say something, they get immediately offended and think that I completely misunderstood them and that I’m entirely in the wrong and probably think my Fiance brainwashed me (not really kidding there).
I told my mom I wanted the money for my wedding – I earned it, I’m not asking them to contribute their own money, I’m asking for MY money. Well, she said I should just have my FI’s parents pay for the whole thing. That hurt me SO much. I know my parents aren’t in the best financial state and that’s why I’m NOT asking them to contribute, but traditionally, the bride’s dad pays for the wedding, so why should I ask my FI’s parents to pay for it? I would never. I already told her we’re paying for it ourselves, which is partially why we’re having a destination wedding.
This has just been eating at me – these conversations happened like 2 weeks ago.
But they’re not excited about my wedding, they don’t give a shit, honestly. Whenever I bring it up, they just don’t care. I totally get that the bride and groom are the most excited for it, blah blah – but my own parents? For years, I heard my mom complain that I wasn’t engaged and that I was getting old (I’m 28) and now that I’m engaged, it’s “Your wedding is so far away, I have no idea who I’m going to know then” (when I asked her for a guest list). Like, what? WTF. It’s just over a year away, everyone’s wedding is a year. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU’RE GOING TO KNOW A YEAR FROM NOW? Destination Wedding invites go out like 8 months in advance, do you know who you’re going to know 6 months from now?! WTF.
Ugh, I’m just so frustrated and I don’t really want to tell Fiance all this but it cam out and he suggested that we have a really small ceremony in NY – something that my parents would want (they offered to pay for my wedding if I had it in NY) and then we would use the money we budgeted for our wedding for a really amazing 3 week honeymoon somewhere crazy like Bora Bora and do a private elopement there. I’m honestly, seriously considering this. It’s always been my dream to have a Destination Wedding and to marry on the beach and stuff, but maybe this is the best thing for us.
It just sucks because my friends are actually excited for my Destination Wedding. 2 of my BMs have already told me that they’re very likely to extend the 3-day weekend and stay for the whole week with us (which is what I wanted) and I feel like I’ll be disappointing my friends, WHO SEEM TO CARE MORE ABOUT MY WEDDING THAN MY OWN PARENTS.
Sorry this is so long.. what would you guys do?
TL;DR: My parents aren’t excited about my wedding, don’t care about it, and aren’t really supportive of my Fiance because he isn’t of the same religion and isn’t a millionaire. Fiance and I are considering eloping, but we think it would disappoint friends who we have already told about a Destination Wedding and who seem to be more excited about it than my own parents. What would you do?