What's the protocol here??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Send a modest gift out of courtesy : (49 votes)
    73 %
    Go! Why not, it could be fun! : (18 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1625 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @BurlapnLace:  go if you want, but no I don’t think you need to send a gift if you don’t go!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t send a gift.  It’s weird that they even invited you and seems like they are either trying to fill seats or get more gifts or something.  Why else invite someone you have only seen in person a few times and not for 7 years??

    Post # 6
    Member
    4441 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @BurlapnLace:  If you’re a social being, know other people that are attending, and are free that night – why not go?

    Otherwise, decline because that’s weird as shit and send a modest gift.  I just participated in another thread where it was the concensus that you should send a gift to a wedding you’re invited to.

    When I was engaged I got one of these invites (friends that got engaged at the same time and occasionally talked about planning and wedding problems but hadn’t see neach other since high school) and I attended hers, she attended mine and we got each other modest gifts, like $30-50 range.

    Post # 7
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    You don’t need to go or send a gift.  Maybe a congrats card if you really want to..

    Post # 8
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    @BurlapnLace:  I don’t think you’re OBLIGATED to send a gift, but I probably would. Just because I wouldn’t want to actually go, so a present instead of my presence would work for me 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I’d decline and send a card, no gift.

    I get irked when mere acquaintances invite me to their wedding. It’s like they just want warm bodies (and possibly gifts).

    Post # 10
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    Everyone I have “Hi how are you?” conversations with on Facebook got invited to my wedding – the difference I guess is that they were all people I’d seen in person in the last, eh, 2-ish years.

    Maybe he doesn’t have many people he chats with, and because you guys catch up pretty often, he considers you a good friend? Guys’ brains work a little different. I wouldn’t read too much into it. He likes you, he invited people he likes. The end! Whether you go is up to you, but I don’t think you’re obligated to send a gift if you decide not to.

    edit: And I was NOT gift-grabbing by inviting acquaintances… I’m just an introvert with only a handful of good friends who were all bridal party, and I wanted more people there my age to dance with. Anyone who thinks that inviting people is gift-grabby is being awfully judgey.

    Post # 11
    Member
    810 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I wouldn’t go unless I knew other friends that may be there, in which case it could be fun. Otherwise I’d decline and send a card with a modest check or gift card.

    Post # 13
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    That’s pretty bizarre! I wouldn’t go or send a gift.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3756 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Yeah sounds like he’s seat filling. That’s unfortunate that they don’t have a lot of people to attend. I probably wouldn’t go as it would be awkward, and to be honest I wouldn’t send a gift either. I would feel that the invite was just gift grabby/seat filling rather than sincere so I wouldn’t feel the need to.

    Post # 15
    Member
    9528 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Eh, that’s not the kind of relationship where I would have invited someone, but I don’t think it’s super weird. I have some good friends from college that I don’t speak to much any more and have occasional texts/facebook messages with that were invited to the wedding (thought I’d seen them all at least in the last few years). And I’ve both been to weddings of an ex and invited an ex to my wedding, so that part isn’t weird to me. Honestly, I enjoy weddings, so I’d go just because I’d likely have fun. But do whatever you want. If you don’t want to go, don’t go and send a card or modest gift.

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