Post # 1
Ok, so I don’t want to be angry and rude, but what the actual heck is with everyone saying ‘what’s the rush’?
I hate asking questions when I don’t want to know the answer, and perhaps this is more rhetorical. But ARGH. Why does age or how long you’ve been dating make a difference?
Only we know what our relationships are like! Yes, the advise on this forum is the best I’ve ever come across and I adore all of you bees, but it just gets my goat when people only comment on posts with ‘how old are you?’, and ‘whats the rush anyway?’.
I’m 23, SO is 23 in 6 days. We own a home, have a dog, car finance, both work. We are not yet engaged, but have already kinda planned the wedding (in that we know what we want, where, when, who, etc.).
So when my single, 24 y/o friend, who’s been online dating for 3 years says ‘what’s the rush’, I could just scream: ‘WHATS THE RUSH FOR YOU THEN?’
Sorry for being a ranty, angry, hornet 🙁
Post # 2
RhianfaHW: Meh, rant away! I think it’s just different for eeeeeveryone. I grew up in the Midwest (a long time ago) and people were getting married right out of high school. It was the norm. Then I moved to CA and no one was getting married til 30+-ish. Could be a bit regional. Could be if you’re mature enough or not at whatever age. Could just be the place you are in your life. Some people date 10 years before they get married! Some only 6 months. Everyone has a different story.
Post # 3
RhianfaHW: Aw, I’m completely there with you! I’m about your age too, but I haven’t heard that so much from the Bees (though I know it happens) as from my “the twenties are your chance to be wild and reckless and irresponsible!” friends. I agree, no one but you knows the state of your relationship, and some of us truly are ready earlier in life. Was I ready two years ago? No, but some people would prefer I wasn’t ready for another ten. Don’t let them bother you, us waiting Bees are here for you!!
Post # 4
People will always have something to say about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. That’s just life…..
Post # 5
ClassicCorvette: that was always what I hated most! I don’t want to be wild,reckless and irresponsible!
OP: I know it sounds hard, but really, just ignore them. Go ahead and rant away.
Post # 6
ClassicCorvette: RedHeadKel: Thank you both. I got kinda whipped up into a frenzy haha!
Post # 7
gelaine22: MrsWoods47: Thank you both :3
ClassicCorvette: gelaine22: I can only guess that what people mean by ‘the rush’, is that by being married ‘young’, we’re throwing away opportunity to reckless stuff, and that maybe someone better might come along, but we’re already married?! WTF!
Post # 8
RhianfaHW: I am probably one of the worst offenders with the “what’s the rush” comments but from your perspective, I would understand why you don’t need or want to wait. You are both ready. It is different than some of the other 22-23 year old women who are upset because their boyfriends of the same age or just a few years older are simply not ready and make comments like OMG, I’ll be 25 in 2 years and what if I have to start again, my best dating years are over, etc. (the classroom is not the only way to meet guys)
Post # 9
My dad asked me “whats the rush” pretty recently. I’ve been with the manfriend for more than 3 years. My dad recently married after less than 1 year of dating, and is now on the track to divorce already. What was HIS big rush??? *facepalm* I feel you…
Post # 10
If a person is freaking out because they are 19 years old and their boyfriend hasn’t proposed yet and debating on leaving the poor guy because he’s not ready… “What’s the rush?”is a valid question.
If you’ve known the guy for a month, get engaged (regardless of age) and people ask “What’s the rush?” I think it’s valid.
If you’re 24 and engaged and a family member says “what’s the rush?” instead of “Congratulations” then I think there’s reason to be annoyed.
Post # 11
Great post! I’m one of those thirty year old waiting bees, but I just wasn’t lucky enough to meet my future hubby until I was almost 29. Had I met him earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to wait to marry him then either! Granted, I had a great time in my 20s and I learned a lot! But for me, it was less about waiting until I was older to settle down and more about the fact that I just didn’t meet the right person until then. I do know girls who “rushed” or “settled” for someone who wasn’t right just because they were just dying to get married, but that doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing. If you have the person you want to marry, then you go right ahead and marry that man! Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you’re “rushing” or “too young”. You go girl!
Post # 12
I’m 22 so not far behind you. I’ve been with my SO for almost 5 years, living together 3. Were both still in school and he also works full time. We’ve always been more mature than most people our age because of our childhoods. And we are getting engaged any time now, probs within the next 6 weeks. I see so many comments on here to young bees about what’s the rush and so forth. It’s so damn annoying. Just like you, I don’t want to be reckless, irresponsible and all that. And I also hate when they say “you have so much to experience” or you need to travel and things like that…hello, maybe I want to experience that with my husband! Me and my boyfriend travel all over, more than any 22 year old I’ve ever known, and there is no one else I would rather do it with!
Also, I haven’t heard “what’s the rush” IRL, only here. Our families know how we are and that we are great for each other. When we get engaged soon, I’m sure we are going to hear nothing but “about damn time!”
Post # 13
RhianfaHW: I understand!! Sometimes these comments come off as judgey and mean to me too. BUT, no one knows your relationship or life like you do and if you guys are ready congrats!! If you were older and had been together 9 years people would STILL find mean things to say.. Ugh haters..
Post # 14
I think “What’s the rush?” is nearly always rude, but when people in online forums ask for your age and your SO’s age, they are usually just trying to figure out what might be going on, particularly when there is a problem in the relationship. If the couple is happy, I don’t bother to ask how old they are. If the couple or the bride is having problems, knowing the age helps because it affects the expectation of average maturity, fertility, finances, relationships with parents, family obligations, feelings about weddings/bachelorette parties/showers/ etc.
Post # 15
I’m used to it. Of all the comments I get I probably understand those the most. I always wanted to grow up, to work, make money, have responsibilities. Now that I do, I love it at the rushing age of 23. Everyone always told me to slow down and not try to grow up so fast. However I’m very happy now, and don’t want any other type of life.
Others often perceive your life through their own subjectivity. So if they are shocked by what you want, it’s probably because they would never want it and they can’t think outside their personal preference. I have received it from both sides, the early settled mommies and the commitment free singles. Eventually, you just being your authentic, confident self shows them that it’s possible to live a happy fulfilled life in a way different from their own and they will come to e!brace that or grow away from you. Either way, it won’t bother you as much anymore.