(Closed) Waitingbees, what’s the worst meltdown/fight you’ve had?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

One time while surfing on his computer I came upon an old file that used to be of pictures from his honeymoon (it now just contained photos of him from that trip).. but the title drove me instantly crazy and I called him upstairs and asked him in a  mean tone of voice ‘while the hell I didn’t have a ring on my finger yet’. It led to a pretty big fight.  We ended up finding out that we actually both wanted the same timeline at the end though so it turned out okay.

But.. timeline smineline since we got engaged already 🙂

Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Mine was one of those:

“OMG ‘SHE’ got engaged, and I can’t?” WTH kind of moments. I think this chick is pure crazy, amazes me how someone actaully wants to marry her. Or maybe he didn’t she pressured and belittled him into proposing. “You’re old, propose already” and he did. Sigh.

Basically said we’re together longer, I think I treat you better, I think we have more fun together, and she gets proposed to sooner. How the hell!? and WHY? That was my meltdown. He assured me that he agrees with everything I’ve said and assured me 100% he wants to get married but the timing was all wrong. I was in school, he was paying off a car, he’d had gf’s for longer and felt it a bit odd to propose to a gf of a shorter period. He said we’re still settling into our new place and such. I said Ok and shut the hell up.

6 months later he proposed.

Post # 5
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

well, recently, Mr. LR had a meltdown! 

All our friends are engaged or married, so weddings are a common conversation in our house.  Well, since we’ve been discussing rings and such, I’ve been doing my best to find cheaper alternatives for everything (wholesale diamonds, settings, etc.) because I feel so GUILTY it’s going to cost so much!  None of you know Mr. LR, but let me just tell you, he’s AMAZING.  He spoils me so much, and I know he’ll spend WAY TOO MUCH to make it the best thing ever.  I don’t want that to happen.  Well with Mr. LR’s new job our timeline got pushed back a little bit (not much, just a couple of months, but who knows, he could be messing with me just to throw me off), and while I was understandably disappointed, I completely understand.

Well, I was talking to him one night about all the stuff I found to keep the price down (lower color diamond with a medium blue fluoresence, Si1 diamond, etc.) because I was really excited I had found a way to help out.  He seriously LOST IT.  I was told I wasn’t with him for him but for a ring and the only thing I was interested in was getting my ring and having a big diamond.  I was told I was mad everyone else is engaged and we aren’t.  BLAH BLAH BLAH.  Well, of course, I got upset and was just like “fine, don’t propose, we don’t need to get married, I don’t want this held over my head.” etc. etc.

Come to find out, Mr. LR was just stressing about not being able to propose when he wanted to do it!  He was so mad the timeline had to be pushed back because of his new job and saving up the money.  I guess me trying to help seemed like I thought he couldn’t do it on his own or save the money?  I feel bad because all I was trying to do was help him and take some of the pressure off.  It obviously came off differently.  Take note of this waitingbees!  Even you trying to help your man save some $$ is not always looked upon kindly.

I thought it was so funny though HE had a waiting meltdown!  He was like “I’m just so frustrated because I can’t do what I wanted to do, and I hate having my plans messed up”  At least I know he’s super excited and dedicated to us getting engaged!

Post # 6
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My worst one was actually by myself and not infront if fiance…although i am sure he knew i had one.

I got a text from his one and only ex gf, who was dating his best friend/roomate. She texted to say “were engaged” they had been dating a shorter period of time then us, most was long distance, they had broken up twice and she had slept with someone else….I broke down crying and threw my cell phone across the room. I just couldnt understand how people like that would get engaged before me and my man, who had a long and healthy relatiionship. i cried all night and had a fit and then the next morning when i saw him i talked to him about it…..he got the text though to..so he knew it was coming 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

My biggest meltdown came back in November, in the midst of a bad waiting period that lasted for months.  (Settle in, this gets a tad lengthy) First, we went on vacay in June of last year, which was about a week before our 3 year dating anni. I had my hopes up, but no proposal. Then, in Sept, friend of ours got married. What fun for a waiting gal. Not. Then, two months after that, in Nov, was my 30th birthday, and Thanksgiving. And Christmas, NYE and Valentines were lurking around the corner. I lost it about a day or two after my b-day, and was a snotty, sobby mess, complete shut down mode, just mopey and blah. Not pretty.

I let it all out, and it didn’t really get us anywhere, but it felt better at the time.

Post # 8
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We’ve been together longer than any couple we know, save his parents and his older sister. I’ve been hoping for him to want marriage for about 5 years now, and have been wprking at minimizing my own desire for it (obviously I”m not doing too great on that front, or I would not have searched out this web site).

After having one couple get engaged at the 10 month mark, after two more shorter t-erm couples getting engaged and even married at less than a year together, after a couple who’d had family reasons to put off their wedding and had a 3-year engagement set a date for March 2011, and after several Facebook friends and a co-worker all got engaged, I was in a bad place. We had arguments, he tried to console me with anything BUT a proposal, and told me that he thought he’d be caught up with finances and school in about 2 more years, and he could see us being married by then.  It was the closest he’s EVER given to a timeline, and I was happy to hear any spark of hope.  I know he’s behind for his age, and I know he’s finally cathcing up, but the road has been long, and without a ring on my hand, no one recognizes it or acknowledges it.

THEN, still this fall, his 4-years younger brother came by our house to show us the $4K ring with enhancer he’d just bought his GF of 10 years and told us his plan to propose a week later on their anniversary.  I held it together and admired the ring, and then after he left to go hide his purchase in their apartment, I went to cry, cry cry in the shower, and made myself so sick I missed work the next day.  It led to an argument about how I shouldn’t compare us to others, and that he saw it as me just being selfish and wanting a ring, I should be happy for his brother, etc.  I told him, finally, I was sick of my last name, sick of being part of my dad’s family who disowned me and I can’t escape it because my name is unsualy and obvioulsy belongs to THOSE people, so I get asked at least once a month if I’m so-and-so’s daughts, isn’t he a great guy in places where I can’t asnwer – no, he’s an abusive, manipulative psycho who hates all his children.  That I’m tired of having to lie when people ask me why I’m not married to protect him.  That I want OUR relationship to be repsected instead of loked down upon, that he’s proven my a$$hole family right by not marrying me so far.  It was ugly.  I was not proud of myself. I also feel should have said more, sometimes.  He told me that even if he could afford it, he couldn’t propose right now, anyway, with everyone else doing it.  Whatever.

I found this site and was releived to see I’m not so evil woman for my feelings of admitted jealousy about the fact that every, single couple we know, save for one who have just barely started dating and are quite young (most of us are right at or above 30, this couple is mid-20s), is now married, or will be in 10 weeks according to the last update by the June bride.  I felt terrible when the June bride, while talking to me about her frustrations and stress from work, wedding and school all at the same time, in addition to her FIs work schedule – she was really stressing – in that conversation it came out how many engagements and weddings had occured in such a short time, mostly from me just trying to assure her that so-and-so’s wedding went well, yours will too.  She heard about the younger brtoher, looked at me and just said, “That’s everyone around you – isn’t this hard on you?”  I anted to break down so badly and say “YES!  I’m so happy for all of you, but I want that, too! Why am I not worthy of it?” …but I was trying to comfort HER, so mooning over my feelings wouldn’t help, so I said it could be hard, but I was okay.  She is the only person to, on her own, (well, other than my SO) realize without me saying anything about it that this hurts me.  I guess I’ve lied so well over the eyars about not caring so my SO won’t look like a jerk that they believe it.

I really don’t know where we are right now.  He’s been more open about wedding talk when we’re with friends, but I really can’t seem to bring it up about us – part of me is just hoping that by holding it together I’m not pushing him further away when he’s actually starting to be receprtive about it.  I need to find a way to talk about it, some Bees a few weeks ago gave me some helpful ideas, but I am waiting for the last scheduled wedding (unless my 1/2 brother goes ahead and plans his for this year, too) for 2011 to pass, the one in June.  Then, after such a big wedding, I hope I can just say, “How about we just go elope?”  I don’t really need that much ceremony – just he and I exchanging vows – after such a long ‘courtship’ a big wedding would be ridicoulous, out of our means, and I have no family to invite, so it’d just be his and some friends.  I need to ask June bride to toss me the boquet – since she’s one of the last in her family to get married, and pretty much all of our friends are married, maybe I’ll be the only one standing there.

Post # 9
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Wonderwoman217:  You should never worry about your lengthly posts – I’ll take the heat for that – sorry I can’t seem to write less content than War and Peace. 

Post # 10
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

@Isilme: I love reading your novels, mostly because they echo what I’m thinking and feeling, but just don’t have the energy to type it all out, hahaha! I think in simultaneous multi-sentences, so lots of words all at once are right up my alley.

Post # 11
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I’m ashamed to say that in the past year, there have been a few meltdowns. The worst one was about a week and a half ago… I can’t even remember how it started, but we both wound up heartbroken with him yelling, “fine! let’s just go sign the paper and be done with it!” He doesn’t yell, so I really struck a nerve. It sucks that such a happy thing like engagement and marriage has a black mark on it for me now because of all the pain of waiting.

Post # 12
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I don’t think we’ve ever fought or argued about marriage, but we have definitely had intense discussions with me sobbing and him warning me it’s not going to be a pleasant talk.  It always felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach to hear him say he’s not thinking about it and can’t promise anything.  It took me so long to see it really had nothing to do with me but it sure felt like there was something wrong with me.  I would just start sobbing and he’s someone who is a man of his word so he could not promise me anything in case life intervened and we did not get married.  He would just sit there with me while I bawled out my little eyes.  

Finally we had a talk where I managed to frame it as he needs to man up and actually think about this shit instead of just saying “I’m not ready” “so and so didn’t work out” “my parents aren’t happy in their marriage” “we can’t predict the future.”  I told him that nothing is going to change unless he does some research and really thinks about him and I.  He’s always saying “don’t compare us to other people” when their relationships are progressing, but he’s always “comparing” us to happy relationships that nosedived after marriage saying how do we know that won’t be us?  So I told him all that and said he needed to realize we are different, we have made it through tons of shit together more so than other relationships around us so why would things change?  It takes the two of us to make a marriage work, it’s us, not marriage that make or break the marriage.  

I think after that talk was when he realized he was stalling and that we (and future marriage) were in our control and just because marriage was hard and unpredictable, doesn’t mean we can’t handle it and steer it the way we want.  That was in July 2010 and since Sept. 2010 all of our marriage/engagement/future talk has been short and sweet and feels like a dip in a pool rather than walking into a brick wall at fast speeds.

Wow… not what I intended to write but damn that feels good.  Hopefully this helps someone in a similar jam.

Post # 13
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

This past Valentines Day.  Free drinks + Valentines Day + 2 “I just got engaged!!!” texts + more free drinks= Meltdown.  Did the ugly cry and remember saying token waiting phrases such as “Why don’t you want to marry me?”, “We’ve been through more then THEY have and THEY’RE getting married and we are not!”, and “I don’t care about the damn ring, or the wedding, I just want to be your wife!” 

Thankfully he took it like a champ. 

Post # 14
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Me and my Fh have bad tempersso we get into it alot but we know it is part of our relationship ( scream, yell, throw things -me mostly lol-, than kiss and make up and say we love each other)  but i would have to say the worst was a few years ago ( we have been Engaged for 3 years since right after high school) We got a letter from a hospital saying that his ex is trying to name him as the father of her new baby ( he had cheating problems at first in the relationship he had it drilled in his head from his parents that is was ok to cheat but whatever i got that out of him) I did not know if he had been with her or not Because he had had a child with her a few years back and it died a few weeks before it’s second birthday so i know he was still stuck on her in a way. so he went to take the test and a few weeks later we got a nother letter saying he is the father. i freaked he had been saying he had not been with her since before me and him met but this proved he was lying. she called him a few days later wanting him to see his kid. i was not allowed to come or she would not let him see the baby so i stayed home ( pissed but at home) he did not come home till 11pm that night. I laided in to him saying that it was over and he can have her and her kidall he wanted. when i fianlly calmed down he showed me a recording he made that day on his phone. The ex admitted to him that her aunt who works at the hospital faked the resalts and she was trying to break us up. it went on to showing her and a guy friend takeing his keys from him so he could not leave. lets just say from that day on he has not talked to ex except in court to get his name off the birthcertificate and to get her aunt to lose her job and spend a few months in jail along with his ex. because all of this those first few weeks between the first letter and the day i got teh proof me and him did not speak much and i would not even sleep in the same room as him. i am so glad i was proven wrong.

Well thats my story but sorry it was so long ( hope it did not hurt your eyes lol) 

Post # 15
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

At the start of the year I had a meltdown. Several friends had gotten engaged over the holidays and I was feeling bummed out. I spent way too many hours watching “Say Yes to the Dress” one weekend morning (I know, Im so lame). The whole time I was watching it I was getting more and more upset. By the time he woke up and came down stairs, I was fuming. I yelled and cried and he told me the same things he always says. I felt better afterwards, but thinking about it now…I dont think it really got us anywhere. :/

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