(Closed) What’s up with my friends

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I invite my so-called friends to the reception?
    Yes : (27 votes)
    75 %
    No : (9 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6598 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Remember you never TRULEY know someone’s financial situation. I am sure they really wanted to be there and they had good reason not to be!

    #1 I would talk to them about how you feel

    #2 I would invite them to the reception. If you don’t you will be officially ruining a friendship. Are you willing to do that without even knowing why they didn’t show up?

    Post # 4
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Oh i can understand why you are mad and you have a right to be. If these ladies are so-called “friends” they would’ve had the decency to at least let you know if they were coming or not. That is just rude and immature to leave you hanging. While everyone’s financial situation IS different, these girls didn’t even give you an excuse. Have the decency to at least RSVP no!

    As far as the reception, i think you should still invite them. HOWEVER, I would be very picky of attending their invites in the future.

    Post # 5
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    As hurt as you are that they didn’t make it to your wedding when you were sure they were going to, you have to ask yourself if you want these women in your life.  If you have been friends for years, I would think you probably DO want them in your life, in which case I think you might regret not inviting them to the reception.

    I’m not justifying their actions – because if they left you with the impression they were coming, and then a few weeks before stopped answering phonecalls – that’s really rude!  But if you want to keep them around you should probably invite them.  And if they’re fun friends you will probably have a good time with them at the reception anyways, right?

    Post # 6
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    I feel for you.  I’m not sure why the one friend backed out.  But at least she let you know.  Perhaps she was planning on going but at the last minute couldn’t really swing it.  The others…  IDK.  I think it’s rude that they didn’t even respond.  Did they not even book flights to begin with?

    I agree with Future Mrs. Martin that you should talk to them.  Tell them you missed them at the wedding.  “What happened?”  And I also agree about the reception.

    DW situations can be tricky.  It adds a whole level of convulting variables to the “If they were my friends they’d be there” argument, even if they have the money.

    Good luck.

    Post # 7
    Member
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I understand your frustration.  Even if they couldn’t make it, they should have reached out to you.  It feels awful when people we love don’t treat us the way we would treat them.  But there are some times in our lives that we can’t get back, and your wedding, and all the associated celebrations, is one of them.  I didn’t speak to one of my oldest friends for a year and a half because I’d had enough of the dynamics of our relationship (which I helped create).  When I got engaged we got back in touch because I don’t want to look back on this time and regret her not being at my wedding, given the huge role she had played in my life.  Even if we are never as close as we once were, I would rather be indifferent that she was there than look back and regret that she wasn’t.  If you can get past the disappointment that they weren’t there for you when you were counting on them, I think you should invite them.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would say don’t do anything until you have an honest and frank discussion with each one of them. Not inviting them is the passive-aggressive and friendship-ending choice. I think if you speak with them and explain how hurt you feel, and it wasn’t just that they couldn’t make it but that they didn’t communicate appropriately with you about their plans, and that you don’t even want to invite them because you feel they never prioritized you (all of this in an open, honest and NOT ATTACKING tone!), then see how they respond. If they don’t care one way or the other, you have your answer. If they feel terrible and apologize and ask to make it up to you, search your heart for if you can forgive them. Just not inviting them with no explanation is certainly not going to help anything – “punishing” them for what they did by not inviting them will probably end up making you feel worse instead of better..

    Post # 9
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I definitely understand your frustration. I would reach out to them and ask them what had happened? With that said, if they say they didn’t have any money, then unfortunately, you’ll have to take that excuse. They certainly could’ve let you know that they weren’t going to be able to afford it though.

    I would invite them to the reception, and if they didn’t show up there, then I’d really have a talk with them. You don’t want to lose friendships over this, but you’ve been a supportive friend, and they need to do the same to you now. Especially if the reception is close by and the travel expense isn’t large for them.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7175 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    That really sucks.  I’m sorry your friend couldn’t make more of an effort to be there – especially after telling you that they’d be there.

    That said – is their non-effort (for whatever reason) worth ditching the friendships??  I think it’s odd that you wouldn’t even get a call asking how the wedding was or a congratulations.

    Is it possible that they don’t think they are as close to you as you think they are?  Did something happen that you may not be aware of that would make all of them change their minds?

    I think it’s strange that they all bailed – and, if I was friends with them, would ask them (in person) why they didn’t make it.  It doesn’t make sense and perhaps there is an explanation.  At the least, I would tell them how hurtful it was that none of your friends showed up (after they gave you the impression they were planning to be there).

    Or, perhaps they ultimately didn’t think it was important to be at the ceremony, since you are having the other reception.  You just don’t know what was going through their minds until you talk to them.

    Also – I would invite them to the reception.  Not inviting them would be a sign of you dropping them because they didn’t come through for you on your wedding day.  I know it’s disappointing because you expected them to be there – and ultimately it’s your decision if it’s a friendship deal breaker – but just remember that everyone has a lot going on in their lives and attending a DW can be an inconvenience that people aren’t willing to travel for (both financially, time constraints, etc.)

    I’m sorry your friends were not there to support you on your wedding day and I hope you get some resolution as to understanding why that happened.

    Post # 12
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I personally wouldnt invite them, did they care enough for you to let you know that they werent coming? If they considered you a good friend then they would have known  that you would be understanding if they couldnt attend. A true friend is honest with you no matter what and they arent afraid to be honest with you. People show their colors when you need them the most. This would be enough proof for me.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I wouldn’t give them the sadisfaction of inviting them again …If they were your real friends they would not have done what they did !! After all the parties and support you gave them at all their non wedding events through the years. I think they are all just jealous and did not come because they are all still single for a reason and your not because you sound like a wonderful person !!! Not haveing the respect to even call you back that is horrible !! I wouldn’t waste my time !! Your hubby is 100 % correct forget about them and foucus on the wonderful life you have to look foward to with him..

    Post # 14
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I think that the really bad part here is not that they didn’t show up to your destination wedding but that they didn’t even care to reply to your emails or phone calls. I understand someone not being financially able to make a trip to a destination wedding, but that doesn’t mean they can’t call and explain the situation to you. It may be embarrasing to tell your friend you can’t afford the trip but if you’ve been friends with these girls for so long that kind of trust should be there. It’s not that they didn’t make it, it’s that they handled it pretty bad.

    Post # 15
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I agree with angie123 that it’s the way they handled it, not that they didn’t show up. I personally would be pretty miffed. I think you should still invite them to the reception, but before you send them a formal invite, contact them and ask them if they think they’ll make the reception. At that time, you can ask them what happened with the wedding itself. This way you are reaching out to them, and if you still don’t get a response, then I say just forget it. You made the effort.

    Post # 16
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I totally understand your disappointment in your friends not showing.  You are now in a very tough situation.  Have you talked to any of said friends since the no-show?   Also think about how you will feel in a few years if you do/don’t invite them.  If you think you will regret inviting them then don’t and if you gut tells you that you will reget not inviting them then give them the olive branch.  If they let you down again then so be it.   Good Luck! 

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