(Closed) Whats up with the no-plus one rules?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Kandiss16:  our youngest guests are 17, 19 & 22…we’re giving them all guests. I didn’t realize so many people were against the +1 but for us, not giving people the option wasn’t a choice.

we had a few that we gave a +1 but they decided not to bring a guest.

Post # 4
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Kandiss16:  I can see both sides–if you’re in a position where you might have to cut out people you care about in order to afford your guests a +1 you may not even know, then I can see why people limit the +1’s.  It comes down to a choice between your coworker and someone you’ve never met, of course you would rather have your coworker there.

Personally, I’m inviting +1’s for all of my guests, single, married, engaged, whatever.  I’m one of the last of my circle of girlfriends to get married and I know what it feels like to have to go to a wedding alone, or as the only single girl in the midst of a bunch of couples.  We’re only inviting family and our closest friends so that we can make those people, who are most important to us, as comfortable and happy at our wedding as possible.  If that means cutting off some of our peripheral acquaintances, then that’s ok by us.  It seems silly to me that I would invite my one friend and her husband (who I don’t like) just because they’re married, but not invite a +1 for my friend who has a brand new boyfriend.  I don’t like judging the seriousness of another person’s relationship…I’ve known engaged couples who were cheating and broke up before the wedding, and I’ve known first hand that you can be very serious in just the first few months.  It’s not my place to decide how serious someone’s relationship or even non-relationship is.

It just comes down to personal preference, and since the host is the one paying, they get to do it their way 🙂  I wouldn’t say that either way is right necessarily, but like anyone I have my own opinion and will plan my event accordingly. 

Post # 5
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Kandiss16:  I would never attend a wedding solo. Like you, I had never heard of the no +1 until I joined the Bee (I just assumed that people brought dates, or else what fun would it be?). The evening would not be enjoyable with my FI and if he were excluded from an invitation, then they don’t get me either. We are a package deal.

I totally understand budget – we don’t want to spend a fortune either. When you choose to invite guests though, the day is not all about you anymore. Guests and their comfort also needs to be considered. Rather than having that stress, we have decided to elope, lol. I have no patience for drama and too many things have the potential to go wrong.

Post # 6
Member
7858 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i’m not against not knowing people, i don’t know all of my FI’s friends, some are out of town.  and some of them i haven’t met their SO’s, husbands, wives, i don’t even know all of his family.  that is not a big deal to me.

but we have about 30 single people invited.  granted not everyone will come and not everyone will bring a date, but that is 30 extra people to have on the guest list. 

we budgeted to invite X amount of people.  if i had to invite certain people with dates, then other people who i wanted there wouldn’t be able to be invited.

in the meantime, my FI told me that one of the groomsman will be with his GF about 8 months at the time of our wedding and things are looking serious for them.  so it looks like we are going to have to add her to the list.

 

Post # 7
Member
4442 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Kandiss16:  I agree with you, all of our guests were offered +1 and if they declined to bring a guest I did a silent ‘wahoooo!’ and recalculated the budget.

 

What REALLY bothers me is when brides jump on WB and say we’re only giving people +1s if they’re engaged, been together more than 1 year, own a house together, we’ve met her and all this other stipulated BS.  It’s not your place to judge the seriousness of their relationship, let them bring a guests so they can enjoy your wedding, dance and drink the night away with someone.

Post # 8
Member
7858 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsPanda99:  you are your FI are a packaged deal.  i believe the OP is referring to a  +1 of a random date because that guest is not in a relationship. 

 

Post # 9
Member
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Kandiss16:  I’m extending a +1 to all of my single friends. Until I joined the Bee, I just assumed that singles get a +1 and couples are invited as a couple. I would never think of inviting Suzie and her boyfriend as inviting Suzie and giving her a +1, if the way I just wrote it makes sense.

Post # 10
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I totally understand giving someone a +1 if they will not know anyone besides the bride and groom, but at a wedding where everyone pretty much knows everyone else like ours, we are not giving out +1s to our single friends. Anyone in a LTR, engaged, or married will be extended an exttra invite. Being constrained by budget and venue, we made it as fair as possible, but there is no way I would have some random person come over a close friend or family member. I would rather that seat go to someone I would miss if they werent there.

Post # 11
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@ajillity81: Oh. Well, even if he was my BF or we were just casually dating, I would still want to bring someone. A wedding would be very lame to attend alone and I wouldn’t. If I was having a wedding, I would budget so that everyone I invited could bring someone and enjoy their evening.  

Post # 12
Member
3760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We have very few guests that are single or that we don’t know their significant other already. The few that are single will absolutely get a +1. Especially people that may not know a lot of other people at the wedding, they should have someone to share the day with/keep them company! I see it here a lot on the bee though, ladies saying “If I don’t know you, I don’t want you there!” Unless you’re on a super tight budget (which I also am) I think +1s are always a good idea. 

Post # 13
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

for us, we’re keeping our wedding relatively small (70ish guests) so we were very specific with our invitations. we chose this route because we want to share this intimate experience with the people who mean something to us at this point in our lives. so some of them have +1s and some don’t. but we also know those dateless guests well enough to know that they won’t bring anybody anyway. 

Post # 14
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Maybe it’s regional. I’ve just never in my life been at any event, including a wedding, where plus ones were given. People are always invited by name if they’re a couple and not given the option to bring a random guest, it’s just not how my particular area and/or social circle does things I guess. I mean, I wouldn’t even be invited to a kegger with a random guest, the host would probably say “you and your husband should come to our kegger” and then I’d ask if I can bring a random person they’ve never met and totally understand if they said “no sorry we’re inviting too many people already and can’t fit them all in the house if I just let everybody bring some random person”…why should an expensive party be any different *shrug* I figure if you’re invited to my wedding, you know at least one other person there and will have a good time. I let the few  (seriously…I think…3 maybe) people who didn’t know anybody else bring their girlfriends, but 99.9% of the people there had many other friends or family there and didn’t need to be extended a random +1. Couples were invited by name. Most of the single people would have probably just invited one of the other people invited as their plus one anyway. I dunno. Maybe I just have a more tight and integrated friends’ circle but I found it entirely unecessary. And as I said, it varies by group and region, it wouldn’t be something I would consider anyway because I’ve personally never even SEEN it before! Even at a wedding before DH and I were engaged, he was invited by name on the invitation because we’d been together a long time, and if we hadn’t been, he just wouldn’t have been invited. That’s just how we do things *shrug* I don’t think people who DO give +1s are like…bad people or wrong. It’s just not something I personally believe in doing.

Post # 15
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Kandiss16:  We are on a budget and besides that, we were very strict about keeping the guest list under 80 people: closest family and friends and that’s while working with four very large families between FI and I. Our rules were these, if you are married or engaged, you get a plus one. If you are close family, you know the other close family there and don’t need a plus one as a crutch. For our friends, they are all mutual groups and have each other to hang out with. For instance, eight of my closest girlfriends from elementary school are coming. We’ve all stayed close and they were told up front that I wanted them there but could not offer all of them a plus one too. They took no offense and were excited about using the wedding as a girls weekend. I have one friend coming from out of town who won’t know anyone else there and for that reason only, her boyfriend is invited. We took it case by case and didn’t give any random plus ones or to people not in an engaged or married relationship. We are also not accommodating children. 

 

Post # 16
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Only those who are married or engaged got an automatic plus for us because we have space restrictions. Otherwise you got a plus one if we had met your SO. Co-workers, college friends and relatives who would know guests at the wedding did not get an automatic plus one if they didn’t fall into the categories mentioned above. 

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