Post # 1
I keep seeing these threads constantly and they turn quite heated, but why is it that we compare and contrast natural birth vs. medicated birth vs. c-section birth as though it were a bizarre “my-birth-is-better-than-yours” saga?
Perhaps I’m an uneducated simpleton, but I have never understood this brand of “mommy-shaming” or “snubbing” whether you decide to scoff at the idea of a natural home birth or you wouldn’t dream of allowing anyone to give you an elective c-section, even if they offereed you a million dollars.
I’ll be honest: I’m looking forward to being a parent, but I’m not looking forward to labor. At all. And you know what? that doesn’t make me a terrible person who is branded by an irrational fear. It makes me human. And it makes me weigh my options differently. And for me, if medication lessens the pain and still allows me to deliver safely, then that is what I plan to do. When my midwife asked me if I had a birth plan, I kind of gave her this blank look and said “Uh… as quickly, painlessly, and safely as possible?”and I still mean that today.
I mean in the end, isn’t the only important thing that you have a healthy baby and you yourself are a-ok and recovering? So does it matter if someone decides to stay home with minimal intervention or they tap out at 3cm and demand the epidural, or they elect for that c-section? Isn’t it THEIR choice? And aren’t we all for personal choice?
Birth is a very intimate and personal experience and no matter how your baby comes into this world, it doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else who picked a different route with their birth plan. It makes you a mom. Plan and simple.
Post # 3
I don’t know.. honestly it seems that sanctimommy disease is rampant. It’s really off putting. I’m with you though, everyone needs to MYOB.
Post # 4
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: The mommy wars will never go away. Plain and simple. Do what you need to do and don’t feel like you need to justify yourself. In my case medical intervention was needed to save my life as well as my daughters so I’m pretty sure I made the right choice by taking the intervention. 🙂
As far as not looking forward to labor. It truly isn’t that bad. The outcome is worth it.
Post # 5
You know I know there will always be “mommy wars” but this one I just don’t get. You want to go off on parenting strategies and wage war on that (although again I think thats sort of dumb too), I can almost get that a bit better because you know that affects the kids growth and development but who cares how your baby comes into the world?
Post # 6
Maybe I don’t read far enough into the threads but I haven’t seen much birth shaming around these boards. Maybe on others but not here.
Post # 7
I didn’t even know this was a thing. I’m planning on having a C-section (twins), and that seems scary enough lol.
Post # 8
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: I hear you. I also don’t totally get birth plans. I get what you hope, but I’ve seen some women and heard stories of people who refuse to budge from what they expect their birth to be. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen that way. Birth can not be planned out ahead of time, things change. For myself, I had all these ideas of how I wanted it to go and they all went out the window when I was told I would need to be induced at 38 weeks due to complications from insulin dependant GD. I was pretty bummed that it wouldn’t happen “naturally” for me, but now, I’m actually looking forward to having a date I can expect to go to the hospital on and I’m sure the induction will be fine.
Post # 9
I can almost get that a bit better because you know that affects the kids growth and development but who cares how your baby comes into the world?
I think sometimes it’s forgotten that what baby is exposed to in birth can affect their immediate and long term growth and development as well. I’ve read things that point out many moms won’t even take Tylenol in pregancy b/c of it’s possible negative consequences on fetal development, but then all that concern goes out the window during labor and high powered, even dangerous drugs are accepted.
I don’t get mommy-shaming either… I was told I was choosing to kill my baby by not electing for a repeat cesarean and was psuhed the “dead baby” card the first time by the doctor that performed my cesarean when I wasn’t even objecting to it. :/
I think as long as moms make informed choices and don’t give up their autonomy then they can do whatever they feel best. In all honesty though the maternal medical community doesn’t really make that easy and most moms make desicions based out of fear &/or ignorance as opposed to what has been show as “safe”.
Healthy mom, healthy baby can mean different things to different people.
Post # 10
@MsJ2theZ: Maybe if I were part of other boards I would see it more too (which is frightening) but I see it pretty often on here. Maybe its more the shock that this was a thing in the first place that makes it stand out more.
@housebee: I know right?!?!?!?! I didn’t know it was a thing either until I came here! Good luck with your twins!
Post # 12
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: I don’t care how someone else’s baby comes into the world and like a PP said I haven’t noticed birth shaming threads around here or on my local FB boards. I also don’t care how you feed, discipline or sleep train your child. I choose to spend my time focusing on my family and not somebody elses. I guess I don’t understand the point of this thread.
Post # 13
Honestly, I don’t really see that here and I spent way too much time on WB. I think people have different plans, but I really don’t see any more judgemental comments on the TTC/Pregnancy/Parenting boards than I do on the other boards. In fact, I tend to think that the former are MUCH more relaxed than some of the wedding related boards.
Everyone has their own opinion, but in general as someone who is choosing something “out of the ordinary” for my birth/prenatal care in the US, I find that weddingbee is a lot more open and less judgemental than cross sections of the real world community around me.
Post # 14
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: there will always be people who think they are doin the ‘right’ thing and that they need to ‘educate’ everyone else to do the same.
Personally, I am really intrigued by the thought of a natural, drug free and possibly home birth someday. It’s something I had never given much thought to until my landlord(also FI’s closest cousin’s wife so we know each other well) gave birth to their son upstairs, while I slept. That inspired me to do a lot of reading on the subject and I admit that I am really excited about the whole process someday. I love the idea of embracing something so natural and beautiful and running with it, naturally.
My friends would describe me as a bit of a natural person though, so this makes sense for me.
I must admit, when I first got psyched on the idea almost two years ago, I wanted to tell everyone!! I was just so pumped and excited.
I quicky realized that a) not everyone (or even that many people) wanted to share my excitement And b) the thing that I was so excited about was just NOT right for everyone. It just isn’t, plain and simple.
When I started to think about that, I realized how true it is. My idea of a birth plan is not possible for some, not reasonable for others, and some people just plain don’t want it.
And that is just fine!! I quickly became much more quiet about the whole thing 😉 we still talk about it, in the privacy of our home and with a few select people but it’s a personal thing, I have realized.
Just my two cents!
Post # 15
@runsyellowlites: That is weird to me too, that women are can be against tylenol or never touch a piece of turkey throughout pregnancy but then choose to take narcotics during labor. I can’t say I understand that one. I would be okay with an epidural if needed but I in no way want anything to do with narcotics during labor.
I don’t personally get the elective csection thing either (for first time moms without a medical necessity) but I wouldn’t go off on someone about it. They can make the choice if they want.
In the end I really don’t care what other people do, but this is a place of discussion boards to that’s what people do…discuss their opinions and plans or experiences. I don’t see a lot of pure shaming going on around here.
Post # 16
Wow. Do people really not have ANYTHING more important to do than to criticize how a woman gives birth to a baby that winds up healthy and that has nothing to do with them personally? What small and insignificant lives these women must lead.