Post # 1
My FI and I got engaged in February. I woke up 13 days ago and it was May. I can’t believe we have been engaged for almost 4 months.
We promised each other that we would set a date after our kitchen is remodeled. This is something we both badly want done because we want to see how much money we have left for a wedding AND our kitchen just…is really out dated. The stove doesn’t work right and the fridge is on its way out…and I think having a place to eat is pretty important. However, we are having some trouble finding a good contactor…we have a estimate lined up for next weekend and I’m hoping he will be our guy.
Lately people have been acting like ‘who cares about your house…just set a date’! (This coming from coworkers, his family, my family, friends, people I see on the street that see my ring…AGH!!)It’s making me feel like I should be in a big rush to get a date set or that we don’t want to get married because it’s been 4 months and I have not even opened a wedding magazine. We have done NOTHING towards the wedding because we want the major house project out of the way FIRST. Anyone else feel in a panic to set a date because of outside pressure? I’m actually starting to have wedding dreams and it is beginning to set off an internal panic to SET A DATE. Why do people get so obsessed with other people’s weddings?! I don’t care if my friends and family are engaged for 20 years…it’s not my business, so stop pressuring me!! I am 24 and he is 27…so it’s not like we are nearing the nursing home. We got engaged because we agreed that it was time and we are very happy together. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Post # 3
Aw that really sucks. Yay for getting your kitchen remodeled though! I feel that. I was more worried about finishing school and finding a house for the longest time after we got engaged. We seriously just set a date within the last month and have been engaged for about six. I was getting LOTS of questions much like you, but we were firm in that it wasn’t a priority yet. Stick to your guns – you guys are doing what’s right for you! Though maybe setting a date will get people off of your back (or at least a month that you both agree on). That is DEFINITELY what got our families to calm down. We said “March, April or early May of 2012” and they were less annoying because they knew what to expect a little more. 🙂
Post # 4
don’t let the pressure get to you – enjoy the engagement! i was only engaged 7 months and it went by so quickly – i love being married, but there is something so special about the engagement period.
you know you want to and are going to get married, no need to rush 🙂
Post # 5
@soyjoy222: this happened to me with my family! they wanted to know a date as SOON as we got engaged because of vacation and traveling and everything else. if i had to do it over again, i probably would have given myself alot more time than i did, and not worry about what everyone else says. pick a date when you’re ready to pick a date, don’t pick the biggest part of the journey hastily, because once it’s in motion, there is no going back. 🙂
Post # 6
OMG @anglang25…my mom said to choose a date because she wants to plan vacations for 2012!!! I said ‘stop being ridiculous!!’
Post # 7
yeah this same thing happend to a friend of mine who get engaged before me, so we didnt tell people we were engaged until we had a date. I mean we told our parents and immediate family but no one else.
Post # 8
Don’t let it get to you. FI and I have been engaged since December and people were bugging us when he was practically still on his knee about our date. We are planning on planning starting in August. We have other stuff on our plates.
That being said, I am having a blast gathering ideas and basically planning, just not signing contracts right now!
Post # 9
@soyjoy222: I kind of had the opposite problem. We set a date based on our goals and no one (coworkers, strangers) seemed satisfied because it was two years away. Really?! What do these people care if/when I get married? It’s like “sorry it upset your schedule, but FH and I would like to have our degrees first”.
Ignore these people. If it isn’t about setting the date it will be something else. It’s not worth stressing over. Get your goals (kitchen) out of the way first.
Post # 10
I got engaged in the beginning of February and it took us until just a few days ago to solidify the plans and set the date officially. The whole time, people kept asking us and suggesting venues and styles and this and that. It can get very overwhelming, so I feel your pain. The other day, my FFiL asked me why I was waiting so long (I wanted a wedding October 13, 2012) and now we’ve moved it up to May 26, 2012. LOl. At first it made me feel antsy that he was asking, but when I took a step back, I realized maybe he was onto something. Barring financial obligation, what’s the hold up? Why not make that leap asap, God willing?
I think people are just excited for you and want to come to a happy occasion. There is sometimes so little to celebrate so when two people in love are making a huge move like getting married, they get fascinated.
I would try and keep it all in prospective and realize that lots of people are just very, very happy for you and want to share in your joy.
You got thangs to do like get your remodeling on, but maybe start entertaining the idea little by little. It’s very exciting!
Post # 11
I only felt the pressure from my grandma. She’s old, and I think she was worried that she wouldn’t make it. Plus, things were different back in the day and they just didn’t take as long to plan. She didn’t understand that venues, photographers, etc. are booked way in advance, so if I were to get married sooner we wouldn’t have been able to get where and who we wanted.
She also pressured me to get engaged though. She’d always ask when I was going to get engaged, and I would tell her to ask him!
Post # 12
@artbee: Haha. Not to threadjack (sorry OP!) but my great-grandma was like this. Except I was like 17…with no husband in sight. She’d also ask when I was going to start having children (she wants to see her great-greats). God willing she will still be here, not only when I marry but for those great-greats (she has cancer and is in her 80s). I would love to do that for her.
Post # 13
We set our “date” when we were driving home from getting engaged. I knew this would be the big question, so we decided to say “after I graduate, probably next spring.” it was vague enough that we weren’t outright lying, but it gave people an answer they could deal with. Now if only there was a similar answer to things like “when are you giving me a grandchild?” or “what do you mean they’re not invited to the wedding?”