Post # 1
I’m sure it’s something that has been discussed in a post or two, but what’s with “waiting” for a proposal? If you’re in a relatively serious relationship with your partner, is there some reason that you can’t openly discuss marriage and a lifetime committment? I will have to say that I never waited; instead, we had a mature conversation about the future, where we planned to be in “X” number of years, and that we see ourselves together. We went together to design my e-ring, and once it arrived, he popped down on one knee and asked. Easy-peasy.
So why all the cloak-and-dagger?
Post # 2
Because not everyone is magically on the same timeline. It’s great that you were, but imagine being ready to be engaged, to want more than anything to have that promise from the one you love, and wondering why they aren’t right there with you. It sucks to be in different places. I like to say that now FI and I were on different pages even though we were reading the same book.
ETA: we did have several honest, serious discussions about our future together, so please don’t assume waiting bees are just blindly hoping for something that isn’t on the table.
Post # 3
Mrs Canuck: Waiting, walking… I don’t understand any of it really. Marriage doesn’t change anything in a relationship. Seriously, it doesn’t. You can tell if your partner is committed to you by the way they treat you, not by whether or not they present you with a piece of jewelry within a set timeline.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
“Waiting” is not necessaruly synonomous with “can’t openly discuss marriage and a lifetime commitment.” Sometimes waiting is setting a timeline together and then having to be patient. Some people are awesome at being patient, while others are not .And sometimes one partner is ready for the next step, and the other is not. They can discuss it until they are blue in the face, but being “ready” comes at different times for different people. It can have nothing to do with the health of the relationship. Sometimes a partner wants to achieve goals x, y, and z before the next step. Othertimes it’s a pre-determined age or other marker to be reached. Sometimes there are emotional scars to overcome that take time. Waiting happens for so many reasons.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I considered myself “waiting” back when FI and I talked about marriage and when we would be getting engaged. I knew the proposal was coming soon, but I was “waiting” for it. There was no “cloak and dagger” secrecy about it though…we talked about it openly. I was “waiting” for about 2 months I think and at the time we had been dating for close to a year.
Post # 6
Lol I think some of us just like the mysterious “cloak and dagger” part of it! I am fairly traditional and enjoy some of the “old school” ways. I think there is an excitment to having him plan and officially ask you to be his forever and it becomes a focal point (as a begining) to a lot of women. Right or wrong. Some feel it is “the start” to their life together – even though in reality, your life together has already started long before he put a ring on it! To me, it’ll be when the floodgates open and I can actually start booking and reserving stuff for an actual wedding (not just what I fantasize about in my head!). Currently I can just Pintrest to my heart’s content until he officially asks.
This is obviously different for every individual. Some are perfectly fine with coming to an agreement, others are just brought up with a tradition, while others might decide on something else completely. I don’t think either way is wrong. 🙂
Post # 7
I don’t get it either. On one hand, I can understand the concept when marriage has been discussed and you’re on the same page, the ring has been purchased, and you’re actually just waiting for the proposal.
But it seems as though a lot of people who are ‘waiting’ don’t openly or honestly discuss their futures or they’re not at all on the same page as their SO but ‘wait’ anyways hoping that they change their mind. It seems like a toxic thing for a relationship and very stressful for the SO to be played like that.. the shut it up pact?!?! Maybe I just don’t understand.
Post # 8
I considered myself waiting after FI told me that he absolutely knew he wanted to marry me someday, and after some discussion we agreed that we wanted to be married and starting our family in 2-3 years.
He’s old school about stuff like this. So he wanted to choose the ring completely by himself and surprise me with a proposal. Which he did about two months maybe three after that conversation.
I quite like the reading the same book just on a different page analogy. I was sure about marrying him for quite a while before he got there (bad previous relationship made him a little skittish–I called him my baby deer cause he was easily spooked).
I didn’t consider myself waiting tho, till he caught up to me.
Post # 9
my husband wanted the proposal to be a total surprise. I agree that being married doesn’t change the relationship but then again we lived together before we tied the knot. We didn’t have any discussions about marriage before the proposal. My husband proposed after dating for 2 years and I don’t consider that time as “waiting”. I was happy just being in our relationship…
Post # 10
I think part of it is learning that while marriage is something to discuss, it’s not in your best interest to constantly bring it up. I’ve noticed a lot of people view themselves as ‘waiting’ after they’ve had the discussion, and are just waiting for the finances to be available, or the circumstances (job, graduation, etc) to be right.
Post # 11
Mrs Canuck: Well since I started off as a waiting bee I honestly came on as a place to be excited about the next step that we were taking. We’ve had many convos about our future and I knew he would do it someday. I wasn’t in a rush to have it and personally don’t understand the “walk” thing. We FI & I would talk about marriage I told him whenever he’s ready to ask just do he wanted it to be a surprise but also wanted me to help in picking the ring. So the day we found the ring I signed on because it’s not the norm were I’m from picking rings and stuff (old school/traditional). I knew it would happen ‘soon’ but not how or when. So to me I was waiting but during at whole time we preplanned. I never got mad frustrated or anything even after he told he he didn’t think he would be able to get the ring after all which was a lie. I know a girl who has been “waiting” 15 years and I feel that she was puttign herslf in more pain than anythign else. I didn’t need the ring and could have waited another year or so (which I honeslty thought I would had at one point). Just my humble $0.02.
Post # 12
i felt like a was waiting from the time i was 100% ready to get married because my fiance was not ready at the point, despite discussions and none of the hurdles we’d previously discussed being there any more. it happens. plus sometimes the guy really wants to make the proposal a surprise and super romantic.
Post # 13
I’m traditional. And while I hated not knowing when it was going to happen, I’m glad I didn’t. It would have been ten times worse if I knew when it was going to happen. And i loved the surprise when he did finally propose. We had talked marriage very early on and knew we were going to get married, we just couldn’t make a timeline. So I waited 3 years knowing it was going to happen but didn’t know when. When the time did come, I knew it was going to happen soon. I just still didn’t know when. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Post # 14
Mrs Canuck: we’re entirely open about it. He’s told me it’s important to him that he designs the ring and proposes to me. Therefore I won’t ask him, and I won’t know anything of the ring until I get it. But I know when he’s emailed the jeweller and when she’s messaged back. I’ll know when it’s dispatched. I’m WAITING for it to arrive and for him to give it to me
Post # 15
In my relationship, we have discussed it. Many times.
It’s become a financial issue at this point. My SO is currently in an unpaid intern position and we’re both waiting on him getting a job that will pay him (and more than peanuts) before we can move forwards.
It’s not always a situation of one person being ready and the other not being ready.