What's wrong with me? I should be happy.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I wouldn’t be too excited about moving out with only 5,000$ in savings and I wouldn’t go on a 2,000$ honeymoon.  Weddings and moving homes are stressful enough, even without the worry of paying for unexpected expenses that might be incurred.    

Post # 4
11626 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but a $2,000 honeymoon that’s costing 40% of your savings when you’re just buying a house isn’t the smartest idea.  Buying a home is incredibly expensive, and it comes with lots of extra costs – furnishing a home, larger heating/cooling bills, etc.  You also mentioned it’s an older home, which will likely need some renovations or repairs, you may want to add central cooling or buy an air conditioner, depending on where you live (I live in a swamp, so it gets to be 90 and humid, so I’d never be without central air!). 

When DH and I bought our house, we had a significant amount of money in our savings account, but it seems like there was always something nagging that came up and required a payment that would eat into that.  We’d add more to savings from our checks, but, six months into living there, our savings hasn’t grown from where we started. 

No one is saying you can’t have a good life, but merely suggesting that you reconsider your financial priorities before undertaking something of this magnitude.

Post # 6
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Artificial-Sweetener:  Well, it doesn’t seem like right now you need any words of wisdom other than it will get better! I promise! We move into our house next week and I’m overwhelmed too but think of the big picture in the future. This is a big step, which can be scary, and money SUCKS… I’ve never had much of it either ($0 in my savings account!) but you can live a good, happy life within your means. Try to focus on the positive. 🙂

Post # 8
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Artificial-Sweetener:  Yeah, it does seem like that at times. My fiance financed my ring too! GASP! I’m glad there are bees who are well off but there are definitely those of us who are not. 🙂

Post # 9
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Artificial-Sweetener:  First, there is a LOT of change happening all at once, and I am sure your ‘to do’ list just got a whole lot longer.  As of right now, here are the things you cannot change:  your wedding, and the cost, because I am guessing (as a May bride) most vendors are picked/paid for, etc, etc.  The other thing is the new home you guys bought together, as it sounds like you are near to close.  You did these things thru savings, thru compromising (such as living with your parents to save money), and because you believe it was going to be feasible – even knowing that it would live you with little savings thereafter.  

I often tend to PANIC post-decision making about finances, but then remind myself I always make bigger financial decisions with x, y, z in place; and have thought thru the process logically.  I am guessing/hoping, you and your FI did the same!!  I do not think it is abnormal to look at the money that is FLYING out of your account, and have an ‘oh crap!’ moment.

Good news:  there are things TODAY you can control, or to help alleviate the stress.  

1) You could postpone the honeymoon, or take the $2000 and go on it soon!!  If you keep with the plan to take one in the near future, then you know that it is $2000 less you have in savings, right?!

2) Make a plan to rebuild your savings.  Best hope here is that you and your FI already have a plan, but because it has not been executed yet, you do not see the reward in doing so…YET!

3) Although you want your home the way you want it ASAP, as most of us do/would, tell yourself that it is a work in progress.  You do not need to move in and change everything right now.  You do not need to furnish every room.  Start with small fixes, like new paint in some rooms, and work your way into it.  Tell yourself that you will not buy a new piece of furniture until your savings is back up to 5K, or whatever.  

Yes, it is always in anyones best interest to have an ’emergency’ fund, because with home ownership so much is unpredictable, but really, you have to try to NOT stress over it right now!!  This is an exciting time, so enjoy it 🙂

Post # 10
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

dont feel bad about not being excited at all! There are lots of HUGE changes happening in your life right now and that can absolutely be overwhelming as well as a bit scary! When my FI and I first moved in together (when he was still my bf) I had been living at home finishing up grad school. I had lived on my own before, I’ve had an apt before, but I knew that it would be the last time i would be moving out of my house and not coming back. I cried like a baby the first night and  went back to see my mom that night (thankfully she lives five mins away) for some reassurance. you are growing and taking on all of these mature responsibilities at once it’s hard! That being said once you are actually in your new place for a few weeks you will feel much better and settled and ready for the wedding. I’m also sure that you are really excited and happy about all of this, the stronger negative emotions are just owning you right now. Don’t feel guilty just try to take one thing at a time! 

Also the apt i first moved into w FI wasnt awful but also not my dream situation, we planned on just being there a year and called it our stepping stone. We ended up staying two and just took it at face value, we didn’t have to buy $$ furniture because it didn’t fit with our place, we could have parties and not care if things got spilled. I used a cardboard box as a nightstand for the entire time (I could more than afford to buy one I just didn’t because I saved that money for our bigger better place we would get in a few years) Your first place does not have to be perfect, you sound like me in that you just want everything to look good and be situated.perfectly right away, and I can tell u that giving that up is the best most freeing thing ever! just enjoy it realize that it’s your stepping stone and does not have to be perfect and you will get a dream home later on when the time is right.

Also go on your honeymoon and spend whatever you want on it, you are renting the house so you won’t have to worry about any unforeseen expenses with it. with $800 a month in disposable income you can easily cover big things that might come up (it is important to have savings) but my gosh enjoy spending it on the honeymoon you want and just replace it in your account the next few months instead of buying shoes (I mean that’s what I do lol). 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  BWLE.
Post # 11
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Artificial-Sweetener:  I would seriously consider postponing your honeymoon.  It isn’t necessary, especially if it is taking such a huge chunk of your savings.  My DH and I didn’t take one immediately for other reasons, primarily his crazy work schedule.  Yes, people will ask ALL THE TIME where you’re going, and it may get old to explain you’re waiting a bit, but won’t you feel a lot less stressed if you have the money saved?  You can take a small, mini moon that is way more affordable, and do the big trip for an anniversay later on.

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