What's your attitude about hosting a wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i was taught that hosts (regardless of what you are hosting; weddings, showers, dinner parties, etc) should always consider their guests.  what will they eat?  what will they do?  what are their interests (for conversation purposes)?

have you ever been to a party where you felt out of place??  a good host will never let this happen.

Post # 5
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The ceremony is for us, we’re honored that the people we asked have choosen to stand with us which is more important than what they are wearing (I did nix fishnet stockings though LOL).  We are thankful that our friends and family will be there to witness and support our marriage vows. The reception after is the first time FI and I will host our families and friends as a married couple and want to make sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. No cash bar, +1 if they’re single, seperate invitations sent to SO’s who don’t live together…whatever we can do to make people feel welcome, from the food to the music.  I’m even running through in my head things like: I need to make sure to introduce ____ to _____ because they both like _____.  

Post # 6
Member
3813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@bmo88:  Totally agree, we are trying to include as many of our own preferences as possible while still being mindful of others.  However, I have to admit we are not as ‘inclusive’ as we could be in some areas, such as not inviting kids and only giving +1’s to couples or friends who wouldn’t know anyone else at our wedding.  A lot of that is because of venue capacity restrictions though.  Also the desire to not have kids around LoL 🙂

Post # 7
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@bmo88:  If I were hosting a wedding I would try to accomodate within reason (like make sure there’s a good selection of food so no one goes hungry, etc.), and if I were going to pay for it without any help from parents, I would definitely not allow anyone to guilt me into inviting extra guests or whatever.

We’re eloping (or hosting something VERY small.. like 3 guests and maybe a dinner out after) so we aren’t too concerned about it. I would be very stressed planning anything much larger!

Post # 8
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I definitely want my guests to feel comfortable, so I’m doing my best to make sure that happens (all SOs invited, lots of meal options, plenty of comfortable seating, everything disability accessible, etc).

HOWEVER, there are LOTS of things that family members have opinions on that will NOT affect their comfort. Those things, in my opinion, are completely up to FI and me. For example, my mom has very strong opinions on centerpieces, music, etc. As long as our choice of decor isn’t actually offensive, I don’t think anyone else gets an opinion!

Post # 9
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@bmo88:  your key word is hosting. Some bees host weddings, some bees have weddings. I’m of the opinion that if you want it all to be about ME! ME! ME! then it’s best to elope. 

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Aquaria:  +1. As soon as you include guests, it is no longer all about you. Of course the focus of the day is on your marriage, but a wedding is a hosted event that people are invited to attend (that means they don’t have to “cover their plates” and brides shouldn’t be gift grabby bitches). I hate the attitude of entitlement – just don’t have a wedding and use that money to buy yourself gifts.

Post # 11
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@bmo88:  Our guests are our top priority, as for us, as soon as you invite people, the day ceases to be purely about you, and also becomes about your guests, and you become a host. Now, when it comes to things like the outfits, stationary etc we’ve chosen what we want/like, as obv that doesn’t affect our guests; we also would not compromise on the guest list itself and have invited only people whowe are close to and see often; this has meant we have decided to exclude some children, as we don’t know them and aren’t close to them (thankfully the parents in question are totally OK with this, though if they weren’t, we would understand if they decided not to attend). However, for most other things we’ve considered our guests, eg:

We looked at venues within a 40 minute drive. We also ensured that venues had adequate parking on-site or nearby. We were also bothered about things like WC facilities (one we looked at had portaloos which I HATED!), the location of the smoking area (one venue we looked at quests would have had to have gone down two flights of stairs to smoke!), etc.

Catering. We are providing 4 different choices of entree (very unusual at a UK wedding; most people provide one meat and one veggie option, and that’s it), and are making sure that are 3 pescatarian guests have plenty of choice: they will have as much choice as the meat-eating guests. We’re also having a cake with 4 different flavours, again to appeal to everyone.

Drinks. We’re going above and beyond what is expected in terms of drinks provision in the UK, and are spending $7k on alcohol/drinks.

Entertainment. We want our guests to have an enjoyable time, and for us, music is central to that. We’re having live music pre-ceremony, during the ceremony, and during the drinks reception (string quartet), and a live band, followed by music (which we will pain-stakingly select and compile) streamed through the PA system, that all our guests will enjoy (we’ve done numerous parties for the same group, and spend hours selecting music to ensure that everyone is catered to and that you don’t get breaks in the dancing).

 

Post # 12
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was never taught anything about hosting any sort of party. Mostly, we wanted to do things that were us, and take things from other weddings that we disliked and make sure that they didn’t happen. This included a quick ceremony that is “us,” good food, good music, seating arrangements that don’t split up groups (we’ve had this happen several times), readily available info (menus at the buffet, bar, and cupcake stand, comprehensive wedding website, etc.), and taking out most of the things that are time suckers (tosses, all dances but the first dance, two speeches only, etc.). We just want people to eat, drink, and have a great time.

Post # 14
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@vorpalette:  +1, our wedding is very similar, only if I could get out of the first dance I would (FI insists we do it) :-)!!! 

 

OP, Hosting a wedding should be about both you AND the guests, yes it is the bride and groom’s day but you still need to make sure the guests are reasonably accomodated and have a good time.  It’s a balance in my opinion, you wouldn’t invite someone to your house to have a day that’s all about you without thinking of your guests, why should a wedding be any different??? 

Post # 15
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The way I see it, the ceremony is for the bride and groom, the reception is for the guests. My parents are paying for it all so they get a big part in decisions but I consider everyone for every decision. 

Post # 16
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

I know the word “tacky” is frowned upon here, but it seems like people are getting around that by calling people “bad hosts” instead. Anytime someone mentions something that maybe one out of 100 people might not like, they are accused of being a Bad Host Who Does Not Accommodate Their Guests. 

Are you guys this picky/judgmental about every wedding you go to? 

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