What's your friend code?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Soladylike:  I’m a little confused by the question. If you’re in a long term relationship then I would hope that you don’t have any serious crushes. If you do, you may want to reevaluate your current relationship. That said, if there was someone I found attractive, I would of course NOT be pissed if my single girlfriend dated him because I, myself, am already in a relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

No. Why would I care if I am in a long term relationship? If I thought someone was a great guy I would probably encourage my friend to date him. But, I have never developed crush-like feelings for someone while in a long term relationship, so.. The only person off limits to a single gf would be the person I am in a relationship with.

Post # 5
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Soladylike:  If you are in a long-term relationship and have a crush on someone… you need to CHOOSE asap.  It’s NOT fair to the person you’re in a relationship with.  It’s called emotional cheating.

If you choose your current SO, your “crush” can date whomever they want… including your single friends.

Post # 6
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Post # 7
Member
6515 posts
Bee Keeper

amandajane4949:  This.

If you are in a LTR and have a crush on someone else, why in the world should the crush be off-limits to your single friends (or anyone else for that matter)? You are already in a relationship with someone else.

Do not understand.

Post # 8
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No I would not care if my single friend dated another one of my single friends. 

Post # 10
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

This is an interesting topic. I was in a long term relationship, developed a crush, realized that crush was mutually shared and decided to end my long term relationship. I should have ended it a lot sooner, but needed that experience to help push me i guess. It didn’t last with the crush, but all of those experiences put me in the perfect place to meet my now fiancee. I would definitely look hard at your own long term relationship and see what is causing you to have a crush.

If you don’t see a future with the person you are with, you need to be honest. Sooner, rather than later. Do this before you talk to your crush about anything, if you feel so moved to do so. If you are having emotinos for someone other than your SO, that is an issue. I think that’s what pp meant by emotional cheating. Having a close friendship does not involve romantic feelings the way having a crush implies. If you truly care about your LTR and your SO, talk to them about what can be improved. Since you have a crush, there are emotional needs not being met in your current relationship leading you to look to other places.  In my experience, not telling my SO what I wanted and what I was feeling is what ultimately led to our growing apart. I resented him and didn’t tell him how that could be rectified. I kept a lot from him while he was honest with me, so that really falls on me. I have learned now to be completely open and honest. Every time I feel my FI and I growing some distance, we just talk and get right back on the same page.

To answer your question, no I wouldn’t be pissed if a single friend dated my crush. I would be jealous, and that should cause some soul searching. I am also in the lone group that wouldn’t mind if a friend dated one of my ex’s. That is another post for a different thread!!! Take a long hard look at your current relationship, journaling helped me a lot, and ultimately figure out what you want and talk to you SO.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

Post # 11
Member
3558 posts
Sugar bee

Soladylike:  

No you do not stay in a long term relationship and have a crush on someone else. Not something that can turn into more.  You choose one or the other.

Post # 13
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

Um. No.

Single people can date whoever they want in my opinion (most of the time). 

The only friend codes I have is that I don’t date ex’s of friends or family and I try not to date family of friends, mainly to keep drama out of my life and because I’ve never been attracted to the same people as my friends have been. Now that I’m in a monogamous relationship, neither of those really matter anymore. If I had a crush I’d decide to control my feelings and distance myself or if I truly felt I wasn’t happy, end my relationship.

Post # 14
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Soladylike:  

If I’m in a relationship, I am off the market.

My friends are still free to date anyone that I find attractive. 

I’m curious as to what made you ask this question?

Are you in a relationship but crushing on someone else?

If so, do you feel like your crush is off limits to your friends? 

Post # 15
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

If you’re in a long term relationship, it’s not your place to get jealous if 2 single friends start to date. It’s ok to think other guys are cute or whatever, but if you notice yourself feeling posessive, you need to check yourself.

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