Post # 1
Growing up, I’m sure we all had some unrealistic expectations of the person we’d marry. Who knows…maybe we thought we’d travel around the world with a billionaire on his megayacht or be proposed to under the Eiffel Tower by a handsome modelesque type. As we all know, expectations vary greatly from reality and as we got older, I’m sure we would have realized that maybe our dream guy wasn’t going to be 6ft 3′ tall with perfect features or a nuclear engineer with an Ivy League education.
So, tell me Bees…do you have a list of expectations in an SO? Were these things negotiable or not? To what extent were you willing to compromise and on what? And how does reality compare to your expectations with your SO/FI/DH?
Post # 3
I made a list after my last break up. It had some odd things on it, but he nailed every one.
Post # 4
I didn’t compromise at all, but my requirements were pretty basic – educated and/or intelligent, has goals in life, loves me, treats me well, attractive (to me)…
I knew a lot of guys that met those “requirements,” including DH, but the extra something that made us right for each other – well, that exceeds all of the other requirements listed.
Post # 5
My must haves:
Intelligent. Not necessarily well educated. I wouldn’t care if my DH had a degree or not as long as he was intelligent and driven. I’ve known plenty of well educated people that were still pretty damn stupid and just plain lazy.
Attractive to some extent. Certainly not the most important thing, but come on you’ve got to be attracted to your DH lol.
Other than that I don’t really care about religious backgrounds, wealth, ethnicity, profession, previous marriages/kids, etc.
Others things that were requirements for me:
Kind, compassionate, unselfish, likes adventure/travel (this is a BIG one), good communicator, wants a family, not controlling or possessive, independent -doesn’t need to be attached at the hip, social, and outgoing. I am not a homebody by any means so it would be difficult for me to be in a relationship with someone that was introverted and always wanted to stay home.
I didn’t compromise on anything.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
The #1 thing on my list was that he was a good cook. I got that! Second on my list is he was taller than me and muscular which he is. Other than that I didn’t care what he did for a living, if he was wealthy etc. I did want him to be close to his family but it wasn’t a deal breaker.
Post # 7
After my last ex I took a dating hiatus to work on myself and get to a happy place. I also made a very detailed list about the guy I wanted. I even wrote it out and put it on my altar space in my room. I was freaked out by my last ex and how I ever let that happen- he was such a bad fit ( I dove into the relationship to get over a previous heartbreak). I was determined to be clear headed, focused and patient and wait for a good one.
Off the top of my head I wanted someone: ambitious in their career, good to their family and wanted their own, good values, self aware, wants marriage, physically fit, plays instruments and enjoys concerts ( I do both), has their own hobbies, an optimist, generous, a good loyal friend, tall dark and handsome, thinks I’m god’s gift to mankind.
Then one day… I met him! And he had literally everything down to the multi instrumentalist thing. We were instantly together and now 9 months later were ring shopping. Hes not perfect (no one is), but were so alike we understand eachother even when one of us is being dramatic or jealous. We’re working on the less than ideal stuff together and I’m glad we can talk about our downsides openly. We even have the same birthday. Life is grand 🙂
But I really think that list helped me resolve to be patient- I dated a lot of duds waiting for someone like him.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I didn’t start developing a list until I had a lot of dating experience under my belt, and that list focused more on personality/compatibility than anything. It was things like being kind, being reliable, being an effective communicator, being emotionally available, being family-oriented, being self-sufficient, being responsible with money, etc. In my younger days it was all about looks and chemistry, and then i wised up and realized that neither element made for a good partner in life.
Post # 9
This was my ‘list’:
- He needed to be at least as smart or smarter than me. My ex wasn’t and while it didn’t bother me at first, I found the lack of stimulating conversation really frustrating.
- My one superficial requirement: he needed to be ‘tall’- at least around 6′. I’m really short (5’2″) so it doesn’t really make sense, I’m just attracted to taller men. My ex was 5’8″ and I really prefer DH’s height.
- The most important thing- he needed to be a practicing Christian. I’m very spiritual so this one was really really important for me.
- Tying into the last one a bit, divorce isn’t really viewed as ‘acceptable’ in my faith (with a few very strict exceptions), so I probably wouldn’t have dated someone who had already been married before, but it would ultimately have depended on the circumstances surrounding the divorce.
- He needed to be someone I was physically attracted to. Nothing specific (other than the height), I just needed to find him attractive.
- As for my “Other”- I needed a guy who wasn’t overly jealous or controlling. I had problems with that in a past relationship. He also needed to be very hard-working and ambitious/driven, and a good listener.
I don’t think I settled at all! DH is pretty awesome. 🙂
Post # 10
My SO had to be intelligent and respect me and women in general. He also had to be kind. My FI is everything I ever wanted in a man except that he is allergic to cats, sigh… I’m hoping to convince him to get some kind of anti-allergy jab!
Post # 11
Ooo good but hard question!! I haven’t ticked anything on your list!
When I was younger I believed I would marry Disney’s Robin Hood (yes, the fox, not the human) so my FI is obviously completely different!
If I compared my FI to my more recent ‘serious’ exs, they all have something in common, but its not always the same thing. For example, the great love of my life when I was a teenager had blonde hair, but my FI has very dark hair. However they do both have the same rugby build about them.
My more recent serious ex was VERY slim, was a ‘pretty boy’ who couldnt grow a moustache, which is the complete opposite to my FI who is kind of casual and ‘rustic’ with a beard, but they both have dark spiky hair.
As for personalities, they’ve all been completely different so there’s no comparison between them.
I’ve never been one for demanding a rich, well educated, well travelled man or expected to be waited on or suprised with expensive gifts etc… my FI is not rich but buys me gifts with meaning or sentiment, I am better educated than my FI but he has travelled more than me.
My main requirement was that he was generous (not necessarily with money, but with his time and love), he was caring, he was a family man (but not one that was attachted to his Mum’s apron strings still) and that he was honest and trustworthy.
And I think I’ve been very lucky as my FI is a pretty damn amazing man who ticks all those boxes!
Post # 12
I met my husband when he was 19 and I was 15. At that point in time my checklist consisted of good looks, a friendly personality, and a car.
Post # 13
I only clicked one box on the poll.
I always said my criteria were under 50 (and over 25), employed and single. Those were mandatory 🙂
Everything was negotiable or depending on circumstance.
I have always had a thing for a guy with an accent though – and DH is Scottish 🙂
Post # 14
- well educated (does not automtically equal a degree but often does, intelligent is a better word)
- particular body/height (I’m 6’0″ and have never been attracted to people much shorter than me so I consider it relevant)
- certain religious beliefs (as an athiest/agnostic, I am not interested in a relationship with someone who is the opposite)
- affectionate, loving, responsible, and trustworthy/loyal (not listed above)
- attraction (to me, combo of looks and personality)
That is about it…everything else I’m pretty open with.
No, I didn’t compromise on any of the above.
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar
@Arshim: Interesting question! i did make a list before i met SO. I was only 13 when i made the list. So a lot of things have changed as to what my priorities are lol. I met SO when i was 15 and he was 17. At that time he was in High School in his junior year. I had no idea of the person he was going to become but i loved the way he talked about the future and what he wanted from life at that point. He ended up going to college and then law school. He also pruchased a home. He became the guy that i have wanted but didnt know i did at the age of 13…i feel very luck to have met him so young!
Post # 16
I had a list of requirements, and I typed them all in on match.com, and found the love of my life within two weeks! He had to be intelligent and driven, at least 5’10”, no kids from previous relationships, have a great smile, and take care of his body! I was well aware I may not find him, but I was perfectly happy on my own, so I figured it was ok to be picky. We’ve been together for a year and we get along so well.