Weddingbee boards

Hi Hive-

You helped me out when it became clear I needed to fire my wedding planner, so I'm turning to you again for advice.  After firing my wedding planner, I asked a dear friend, who happens to do interior design- to help out with my wedding- although it was against the advice of my DH.  I made it clear that I was willing to pay her, but she said not to worry about it.  I asked for her help with a few tasks and asked how much it was and she always charged for the cost of the item.  I repeatedly asked what I could pay her and her response was always- don't worry about it or we will figure something out.

When she wouldn't commit to a cost and gave me a total of what I owed days before the wedding, I decided to give her a nice gift at the wedding, spending way more than anyone else.  Yesterday she returned the stuff from the wedding and included in one of the totes was a bill for several hundred dollars for the time she spent making items for the wedding as well as her time spent at the wedding and clean up (although I had a group of people who helped tear down and specifically stated we just needed to remove the 4 totes of stuff I brought it- according to family she tore down everything, including folding tablecloths and napkins).

Now, I was willing from the start to pay her, so I guess my frustration is in the fact she repeatedly said don't worry about it every time I brought it up.  Would you say something to her about the bill or would you pay it and smile?

I would understand if she wasn't sure what to charge you, if at all, until after all the work was done, but it would have made more sense for her just to say that.  If she gave you a ballpark figure of her rates and said she'd bill you after the wedding you would have been prepared and maybe not spent so much on her gift.  Maybe she felt awkward but she handled incorrectly.  If you feel like the bill reflects an appropriate amount I would just pay it and remember to set up an agreement if you ever use her services again.

I am confused...did she just bill you for her time, or did she actually buy items for your wedding and was looking to be reimbursed?

Also, while pretty loose, I think, don't worry, we'll figure it out, was not supposed to mean don't pay me, but rather, I don't know exactly what the amount is so we'll figure it out later. I agree that when dealing with friends, it's best to get the details ironed out right away. I don't know what  all she did or what it would have cost you to hire a professional to do them, but several hundred dollars doesn't seem unreasonably high. I would pay her and, if it ever comes up again, ask if you can decide how you are being charged before the event.

I guess pay it and let it be! How rude though!

@Tatum-  She made me a bracelet & earrings, a veil, a wreath, and a couple of other things.  So there I was paying her for the items she made- which she told me included items purchased to make said item and her time.  When she gave me the bill prior to the wedding, it was my understanding I had paid for everything she had purchased/made for me to that point.  When I found the bill, she listed additional money for labor that was evidently not included in her previous total along with charges for her services the day of.

Like I said before, I was willing to pay her all along.  Where I went wrong was when she repeatedly said "not to worry about it" when I asked about cost of services, I literally took it as she was doing this for me as a friend, not as a job.  My bad, I admit, for that and not insisting on a contract, but I also think I gave her plenty of opportunities to name her price and we go from there.  I wrote a check last night but do want to ask about her billed time since she told me she did things I specifically had written down she was not responsible for (parts of set up and tear down) and she took pictures of the event to use in her portfolio- while she did set up the room, she was not involved in the selection of anything in the room (nothing she made was at the reception).  Hope someone else can learn from my experience. 

That is weird that you had it in writing that she was not expected to do it and she did it anyways and billed you for it...has she run into some money problems recently and was looking to make some money off of this? I agree, how she went about it was not right. Hmm, maybe I can wash my neighbor's car this afternoon without his permission then stick a bill in his mailbox...

If you are really close friends and have a candid relationship I would just openly say

" I really appreciated your help, you did a wonderful job and really helped make my day special. I was a little confused when I received your bill just slipped into a tote though. You already knew how I felt about paying you for your great services and help. I do wish that you had spoken with me about the breakdown of the costs when I had asked you though because your bill took me by surprise and made me feel slightly uncomfortable since I had wanted to pay for your services from the beginning. I dont want this to make our friendship uncomfortable in any way and I want you to know that you can be honest with me in the future so we can avoid any further miscommunication".

I know this sounds formal, but if she is a close friend of yours I think you can open and honest with her in a friendly manner. maybe she didnt realize until after the wedding how much of her own money and time she was going to put in and was too embarrassed to talk to you about it so slipped the bill in. If nothing else a conversation about being honest with eachother can strengthen your friendship for the future.