Post # 1
I have a question for the hive: why would my boyfriend lie to me about not knowing another woman’s name? (an attractive coworker of his who works in the same small office). Is he just trying to keep the peace by pretending not to know her around me, because she’s attractive but irrelevant? Or should I be worried? What would motivate a guy to pretend to not know who his attractive female coworkers are around his SO? He definitely knows this woman’s name because he had mentioned her previously, but then very recently acted like he didn’t know her first name or couldn’t remember it, even though I know he knows it. It was very odd and I’m wondering if I should be concerned. He doesn’t have amnesia and isn’t old enough to have Alzheimer’s. It seemed like a pointless lie. Ideas?
Post # 3
Do you have a history of being overly jealous?
Perhaps your boyfriend is afraid of a blowup and so he’s being less than honest with you.
Personally I’d be pretty put off if DH was being dishonest with me about something so silly. He has no reason to lie about it and it would make me feel uncomfortable, for sure.
Post # 4
Because men are idiots and they think women are stupid.
FI, before we got seriously dating…used to call his female friends “buddies”…I knew they weren’t males…I told him I’m not stupid. He refers to his male friends by their names, not his “buddies”. LOL
Just call him out on it or ask him if he got hit on the head and lost his memory.
Post # 5
He is either afraid of getting in trouble over nothing, or there’s something he’s uncomfortable with.
Men lie about REALLY stupid stuff so that they don’t get in trouble, just to find out they actually get in trouble for the LIE!
Post # 6
@incognitobee3: No idea.. but I’d be weirded out if it were my FI because I’ve never given him reason to hide who he knows.
Are you a jealous person? Have you reacted poorly to his relationships with the opposite sex before? That’s the only reason, other than having an inappropriate relationship with her, that I can think of.
Post # 7
Personally, I wouldn’t worry. I’m guessing it is your first option, that she’s attractive but irrelevant. Maybe he feels a little guilty for thinking she’s attractive so he’s trying to make himself believe he doesn’t care at all but I would guess there’s nothing going on.
In general, if a guy has something going on with someone, they will actually talk about the person a lot, not pretend they don’t know them. You can look that up in the ‘cheating’ guides. LOL
Post # 8
@rachelmichelle, it does make me uncomfortable. But whenever I try to ask him about things on this topic, he gets very defensive and attacks me for having trust issues, and blows up at me for it – more than I’ve ever blown up at him for my perceived trust issues. So I’m afraid that any time I try to discuss anything like this, he shuts down and gets extremely angry. His angry and defensive reactions just make me more worried that he’s hiding something.
@kayl – Yes, I do sometimes exhibit a bit of the green-eyed monster called jealousy like many women do, but if he isn’t having an inappropriate relationship with her (or flirting, etc.) why would he pretend to not know her suddenly? I’m only jealous when given a reason to be jealous. If I found out my SO were flirting with other women at work, yes I’d be jealous. Do I think that’s unreasonable? Not really. I think it’s rude and uncourteous to flirt with other people when you’re in a relationship, especially given how many affairs start in the workplace.
@rickhurst35 – this isn’t a new relationship, we’ve been together about 5 years. As I mentioned earlier in this post, if I try to call him out on anything (even playfully) he gets furiously angry and throws my “trust issues” in my face. But I catch these “little white lies” now and then that I just don’t understand their purpose, or why someone would do that.
I’ve known him much longer than any of his coworkers, so it’s not like I’m being irrationally jealous about old friendships or anything like that. It’s just an attractive coworker whom he pretended not to know her name…maybe he didn’t want to introduce me to her? That thought worries me even more.
Post # 9
@incognitobee3: It doesn’t really make sense that you said you only get jealous when there is a reason (like flirting) but yet he seems to always bring up your trust issues. Why does he believe you have trust issues in the first place?
I don’t condone his lying. That’s why men get in trouble in the first place, but why is it so important for you to reask their name if he has already mentioned them before?
I think you both have some insecurity issues.
Post # 10
Based on your previous posts, him acting like he doesn’t know his co-worker’s name is the least of your problems with this guy. I think after 5 years of putting up with his antics, don’t you think it’s time to move on? You deserve better!
Post # 11
@megz06: I didn’t reask her name. She and other coworkers came up in conversation, and he mentioned everyone else by name and then went out of his way to act like he didn’t know her name, when there are only very few people working at his office. It just didn’t make any sense, which is why I found it odd.
It doesn’t really make sense that you said you only get jealous when there is a reason (like flirting) but yet he seems to always bring up your trust issues. Why does he believe you have trust issues in the first place?
Some liars or deceivers will try to make the problem about the other person, for example “you have trust issues” or “you’re crazy” or “you’re imagining things”. It’s called denial and blameshifting. Just because he throws “trust issues” in my face doesn’t make it so.