Post # 1
Long Story Short….
Maid/Matron of Honor is no longer my Maid/Matron of Honor. When it came time to buy her dress, she didn’t have the money…so I offered to pay half of her $100.00 dress, no problem at all. When it came time to buy a rehearsal dress…she fell in love with an $80.00 dress that happened to be on sale for less than $20.00. She couldn’t “afford” the $20.00 dress but went on and on about how badly she wanted it (knowing I would offer)…so I bought it for her.
Now, we didn’t really have a falling out so to speak, no argument was involved….but I quit hanging out with her for soooo many reasons that I can’t even list…mostly about money. I was getting sick of being her doormat and her ATM….so obviously she’s no longer my friend and not in my wedding which I’m completely fine with! Here’s the problem….she sends me a FB message asking who my new Maid/Matron of Honor is….I didn’t write back (worried that she was trying to start drama) Today, she calls me 3 times and leaves no message….(I have not spoken to her in over 3 months) I tell FH about this, he says “Oh I bet she’s calling to tell you that you owe her for the bridesmaid dress….she probably tried to return it and they wouldn’t let her, so now she wants to sell it back to you” Hmmmm….
My question is…..Is it my responsibility to pay her back for the dress that she bought only to be in MY wedding? My brain says “Absolutely, she wouldn’t have bought it (pd 50.00) if it wasn’t for my wedding. My heart says “Hell No! She was a bad friend….and I am out $50.00 too plus the cost of her rehearsal dress that she’s keeping”
What do you ladies think???
Post # 3
Tricky… hmmm I have had friends like this before and sometimes cutting your losses is the best way to be rid of the drama and aggrevation your whole relationship has caused.
Can you order a new dress for your new MOH?
Does she tend to be spiteful?
I ask because you may just want to throw her the 50 and be on with it. If she is bitter she may due damage to the dress and when you get it your out the 100 and still need to get a new dress.
Sorry if this sounds not highly of her as I do not know her or much of your situation, but things to consider.
Regardless you need to call her and end it. think band aid!
Sorry for this stress, thats never fun. Good luck and I hope it all turns out ok! Keep us posted!
Post # 4
Sounds like a situation where you’ll look back in a few years and be glad you were the bigger person and did the right thing. I’d give her the $50 and get the dress back, I’m sure it would feel better right now to leave her stuck with the dress, but its the right thing to do.
Post # 5
If your new Maid/Matron of Honor needs a dress and can fit/have it altered to fit, I’d say give her the 50$ and get the dress. But otherwise, if you’re not talking to her and she’s already been using you, just keep ignoring her. She gets to keep the dresses, anyways.
Post # 6
Here’s the thing…I don’t need the dress back! All my other girl’s have their own dresses already. If I never saw that dress again it would be no skin off my back!
I just cut her from the wedding party and went from 5 girls to 4…I did not add anyone in her place….
Post # 7
I would say ask for the bridesmaids dress back and tell her she can keep the other dress, no money exchanging hands.
Post # 8
@TobeMrsC: Definitely could see her being spiteful….but I don’t need or want that dress back from her, so I could care less what she does with the dress.
If I were to pay her back for the 50 she contributed towards the dress than I am out a total of $120.00 including the other dress I bought her….and I did nothing wrong except lend her money and be a good friend. She used me so I feel like she should keep the f’ing dress and be glad she has two dresses valued at $120.00 that she paid 50 bucks for! lol
Post # 9
@kingytobe: That’s fair. I guess I could always try to sell the dress on craigslist or ebay…either way I end up losing money not her. O well.
Post # 10
She is in possession of both dresses? If so, I’d just let her keep them and keep your money and call it a day. She could sell her dress on Ebay or consign it if it’s not “wearable” (some bridesmaids dresses do not translate to real life) or she could wear them. I’d have my plan ready for when she calls though. I can’t see her taking you to small claims court over $50, but stranger things have occurred. Maybe think of 2 options so if she doesn’t go with the first, you can say, ok, give me the dresses and I’ll give you the $50. Then you sell the dress on Ebay.
Post # 11
If you kicked her out (no matter her actions), you have to pay her for the dress but only if you get it back. If she stepped down, then you would not have to pay her back. I actually saw it on a Judge Judy. The Bridesmaid or Best Man sued the bride because she bought a dress and the bride cancelled the big wedding. The judge said the bride owed the money but would take possession of the dress. You could probably ask for the rehearsal dress back as well. It was bought with the intent of wearing it to the rehearsal.
It’s the same with an engagement ring. The engagement ring is bought with the “contract” of marriage. If there marriage does not take place, the ring is given back to purchaser.
Personally, unless you need to to get her out of your life, I would not offer the money back. But if she keeps bugging you, I would pay it and then sell the dresses yourself.
Post # 12
Like you, I have a “head” reaction and a “heart” reaction. My head says that since she paid $50 toward the dress and now she has been kicked out of your wedding and likely can’t use the dress for any other purpose, you should pay her the $50.00 and get the dress back and just try to recoop whatever you can by selling it on Ebay. Technically you booted her out, so it’s only fair to return her to the way she was before you asked her (she had her $50 and no dress). You can’t really factor in the rehearsal dress because it was a gift and there was no discussion that she owed your the $$ or you expected to be paid back. You can’t convert it from a gift to a loan simply because things went sour.
My heart reaction is that you already lost a ton of money in this situation between the rehearsal dress purchase and the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress contribution. She’s been a poor friend (pun intended haha!), she’s used you, and she has caused you enough stress. Why continue to pay for her?? You’ve lost enough money and all she’s losing is $50? That’s fair and she should be grateful for all those times that you paid her way!
My compromise: Call her back. See what she wants. Maybe she wants to apologize and it isn’t even about the money. If it IS about the money, do some haggling. Start out by reminding her that you bought her that rehearsal dress and paid for half of the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. She can keep both dresses and you’ll call it even. If she’s a decent human being then she’ll agree. If she gets mad and demands her $50 back, tell her you will need the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress back and then just give it to her. That way you can just cut all ties and be done with it.