When did gift giving become such an awful thing????

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

*applause*

Exactly!

Post # 4
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

When you get an invitation to a 5 year old’s birthday party, is your first thought, “Ugh, their parents just want other people to buy their kid toys.”

I do if their parents tell me what to buy, how much to spend, etc. For example, the kid’s parents down the street who insisted party-goers bring a food item, $10 for the blow up things, and then included registry card for the kid.
 
If you don’t buy the food, don’t rent the toys and insist I buy a present over $30 (checked the registry), then, yes.
 
If you are a grown adult who throws a “party” that looks very similiar, you will get a similiar reaction from me.
 
There are varying degrees of this but ^ that’s my limit before I call someone grabby.

Post # 5
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think that most people wouldn’t argue the fact that gifts are a part of these things.. and that gifts are important.

Where people get mad (at least I do) is when people start demanding things. Flipping out if a gift isn’t bought from the registry. Flipping out if a gift isn’t “at least” a certain amount. Flipping out if a gift isn’t cash… etc. Putting gift into onto invitations. Those sort of things.

I agree that in general people are way too easily offended these days, but I also think that etiquette rules are in place for a reason. It can be a bit of a pain in the ass to navigate, but I think that a gift is something that generally shouldn’t be asked for.. no matter how nicely it’s done.

As far as the money dance and things like that, I think that’s all in good fun, and cultural traditions should definitely be continued.

Post # 6
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@Stace126:  I don’t give two f**ks what “etiquette” says, or what is “tacky” and what is not. I’ll make decisions based off of what I want to do, and what I think is appropriate and not appropriate. If I want to throw a bridal shower, I damn well will. If I want to give a bride some money or a gift, I’ll do that, too. If people think it’s tacky, they don’t have to go. The people that you’re talking about are like a bunch of nosey neighbors… they always have their nose in other people’s business (not everyone by any means, but you know the type of person I’m talking about). I can’t stand the (rude) etiquette snobs, so I’m right there with you. 

Post # 7
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@aliavenue:  I don’t think registries are telling people what to buy so much as giving a list of what they want, so people don’t waste money on gifts that are just going to be returned. It also helps other people see what has already been bought and what hasn’t. 

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Stace126:  I don’t think people have a problem with giving gifts.  I think they have a problem with greedy bridal couples who have decided its up to them and not the giver to decide what and how much they should be gifted.

See the many posts on this board from brides asking for a “polite” way to demand cash from their guests.  

Post # 9
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mrspinesol:  I totally agree! I had a registry for my wedding. But, I also didn’t make my guests pay for the venue or bring their own food.

Post # 10
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I love this post! I agree with OP 100%.

Post # 11
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So, so well said! The one time I’ve considered someone “grabby” and asking for money was when they had a lavish reception that we knew they couldn’t afford and had owed a family member money that they never paid back. There were extenuating circumstances, to be sure, and it was hard for me to accept the invitation, as well as go to the shower and give a wedding gift. Otherwise, I agree with you :).

Post # 12
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Love this post!  Seriously, when my friends got engaged, had bridal showers and weddings, it was fun deciding what to get them!  I just wanted to make them happy and give them something they would enjoy because these are people I love, and I hope people feel the same about me.  This site is the only place I’ve ever encountered so many people accusing others of “gift grabby” or saying they hate bridal showers.  I’ve even seen multiple posts on how people hate weddings!  It’s like, if you hate weddings why are you on a wedding message board?

Post # 13
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Zhabeego:  Wait, what? It’s gift-grabby to have a preference in what you receive? Let’s say a couple already has lived together and has tons of housewares, but is saving up for a down payment house, so they would prefer cash. How is that gift-grabby?

Post # 14
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Also, I have to say, I think some of this must be more on the bee than in real life. I’m not having a bridal shower because we’re having an intimate wedding and then a reception later. Etiquette suggests that if people aren’t coming to the actual wedding, they shouldn’t be invited to the bridal shower–ergo, I would hardly have anyone to invite, lol.

My family and friends can’t BELIEVE I’m not having a bridal shower. When I explain the etiquette to them, everyone scoffs and says, “People don’t care! They just want to celebrate your wedding!” My FMIL tried to secretly plan one for me anyone, lol.

Post # 15
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@aliavenue:  I wouldn’t make them do that, either. I agree with that part of your statement. However, I think OP was talking about just when someone has a registry or a bridal party, not when they’re making the people pay for the food, venue, etc. 

Post # 16
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Stace126:  Absolutley nothing. I think that nothing about what you are saying is really gift grabby. What I find gift grabby are people who throw their own bridal showers and make demands for certain presents or whatever and expect it.

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