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I'm sorry you are frustrated - maybe see it from the perspective that you are lucky to have family members whom you haven't seen in a long time who want to share the day with you. Yes, it might cost more to invite them, but I'm not exactly sure what the problem is - is it the cost, or are they being more demanding about accomodations, food, etc? If it's just the cost, hopefully the value of their company will make up for it. If it's b/c they are being demanding, try to ignore their demands since they aren't relevant.
@bunnyfoofoo: That's a good way to look at it. It will be nice that they're all here. I keep telling myself that it will be fine, and that all in my head it's overwhelming. Thanks for understanding and good advice.
Hmm... we are being jerks and just telling people they're not invited if we don't know or like them. Obviously this is not acceptable in most families (whereas in my immediate family you get bonus points for the number of relatives you are estranged from), but I think you really do need to make the point that this is not the opportunity for everyone to come visit California and meet you and your fiance. Maybe try to stress that you're trying to have an intimate celebration with people who are close to BOTH of you (or very, very close to one of you).
How do your parents (and his) feel about this? If they understand that budgets and guests lists are limited, maybe they can be reinforcements here, helping to explain that you're not having a 300 person family reunion.
ETA: also, the other thing we are saying is that we don't want to invite people who we aren't close to because it would feel like we're just fishing for gifts, since we don't expect them to actually want to come out here.
Also ETA: if you've already invited them and you're just feeling overwhelmed that so many are taking you up on the offer, then I think it's more a matter of remembering that you don't have to blow away their expectations and cater to their every need. Maybe ask your parents if they want to organize something for the family while they're out there, but remember that if they are expecting your wedding to revolve around them, that's their problem and not yours.
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I'm seriously ready to just go out and elope. I feel that my wedding has become FI and I walking on egg shells trying to make sure not to offend anyone, make everyone else is comfortable, and make sure our wedding lives up to everyone else's expectations. Seriously, family I haven't seen in years, who haven't even met FI are coming because "it's going to be like a family reunion" FI's family, who he hasn't seen in many years, who I haven't met are coming because they need an excuse for a "CA vacation".
WTF- Seriously why are we paying for all these people when our marriage seems to be their secondary reason. Yes it's easy to say, well just don't invite them, but everyone know's it's not that easy with family. I just don't understand, I wouldn't be offended if I wasn't invited to their wedding, why are they offended if they weren't invited to mine?
Ugh-