Post # 1
Fiance and I have large family. Our wedding will have over 200 guests and probably cost $30,000 minimum.
I love my family and I adore his. We have not even chosen a venue or date and it all feels wrong to me. I can’t picture getting married in any of these halls or anything. I have been going along because its what everyone wants and its expected of me. But this is not what I want.
I want an intimite wedding with only our closest friends and family. Then I want a party afterwards with other friends coming to join. I don’t want the fuss. I don’t want the stress. I want the marriage and a nice holiday. why can’t I have that? Why is that seen as selfish?
I guess this is more of a rant. I don’t really know how I can fix it if Fiance wants the big reception.
*grabs ice cream from freezer and sulks*
Post # 3
Would a destination wedding with a big hometown reception later on be an option?
Post # 4
@39bride: Nope. Fiance says they are selfish because our grandparents couldn’t travel that far for it.
Post # 5
Randy from Say Yes to the Dress says ” If you are mature enough to get married, you need to be mature enough to have the wedding you want.”
The only way you and your Fiance will have the wedding you want, is if you make a joint decison,stand on your own two feet , and make plans that please the two of you, not everyone else.
Post # 6
@Rush1986: I am grappling with this same issue myself…I am newly engaged and also do not even know where I want to have my wedding. My father has many siblings and I therefore have over 100 “immediate” aunts, uncles, and cousins to invite, before adding second cousins and CLOSE friends. Right now we are at a 250 guest list for “absolutes” and I feel like 90% of my friends cannot even be invited…on top of this, my parents are not paying for my wedding. Since day 1 I have been saying all I want to do is have his immediate fam, my immediate fam, and an officiant…then honeymoon. Once I mentioned that though, and word spread, 2 of my cousins got offended they wouldnt be bridesmaids; my older relatives scowled like I was a disrespectful B becaus they wouldn’t be invited; and my parents disapproved. Fiance parents ABSOLUTELY disapprove. They want the big show-off wedding. I don’t even know how to talk to them because we are already interfaith and they finally let go of the fact that the wedding will not be in a temple or done by a rabbi…I dont want to push them too far. No one is offerring to foot the bill for this large and extravagent wedding however. And, I love my friends and had a good time at their wedding…but I have no desire to sit in a banquet hall for hours in a dimly lit room. Nothing about a wedding hall has ever stricken me as “beautiful.” I would much rather be on a beach, in a garden, or on a boat – which, is totally “us.” We are outdoors kinda people. I feel like It’s supposed to be our day, and I dont even like banquet halls. Why should I be forced to stress about 250 other people’s dinner, if they like table arrangements, if they are having fun or hate the dj, if they are going to get home safely, etc. when I don’t even give a crap about attending?…I KNOW i will be sitting there waiting for the end. I have been a bridesmaid and attended many a wedding where all i want is out. And no – im not a wall flower…I dance, I drink, I TRY to have fun. And when I think about out doors or destination weddings – I DO get excited about decor and things, and actually get into “bride” mode….
I just feel its so unfair. Why do I need to go into debt to appease all these people and do something that’s not true to what we want? If I wanted the huge traditional wedding that would be a different story… I heard the same line about my older relatives – about how they cannot travel far or afford to travel far etc…. I feel like, OK – these are people I rarely even see, and who live for an event to get out of the house…this has nothing to do with the love I want to share with my Fiance…. I feel like I’m getting steamrolled for all the wrong reasons.
Also discussed eloping and then having a less formal reception so we could do both. Fiance is afraid to do it cuz he knows his parents will flip. Then, once you start adding this relative, and that relative, to your “very small” list…it becomes huge with people you can’t offend. One relative means u need to invite the whole bunch. Where does it end?…
AND – last but not least in this lil’ rant….I wasn’t alive for 3/4 of all of YOUR weddings…(back in the 70’s & 80’s when they were more reasonable as well) where the heck do people get off telling me what they expect of me???
Post # 7
@julies1949: I love a good Randy Finoli quote.