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uh oh..maybe i shouldnt have started this topic again. i didnt find one until after i posted it. I am sorry. I read that a past post got heated. Sorry bees - I should have done my homework.
Hmmm. I didn't know there was another thread that got heated. But honestly, I plan to include that info on my shower invites and then let it travel word of mouth after that. I've seen it done both ways (not included and included) on shower invites. But I've never seen it on actuall wedding invitations.
I've had to text two of my three friends getting married to ask where they were registered because they didn't have any info on the shower invites.
I think it's because people then assume that you are asking for gifts, or demanding gifts, when technically they are supposed to be optional and not mandatory. I'm not including registry info, but I've had a lot of people ask about it. It makes me cringe a bit to see it on an invite, but to each his own!
I didn't include it in ours, and now I wish I had. People keep asking and I feel bad for not letting them know but I didn't want to put it in there like we're registered here and here so get us a gift.
But technically that is what a shower is for, no?
Showering the bride and groom with gifts. You have a registry, why not share?
I really don't see it as begging for gifts. If that's how it feels why register at all? I admit I don't like the idea of everyone buying us things, but that's how it works. People want to, or they don't. I don't expect it. But if they do, I'd rather supply them with the info they need.
I'm not having a shower because all of my BM's live out of town/state and well, I just don't have friends. I don't really get a long with too many girls and FI wouldn't appreciate the shower with a bunch of guys lol
If you are not having a website just put it in. Or if there is a huge uproar just make a separate insert card with registry info. Everyone knows registries exist. Everyone knows you're suppost to bring a gift so why play the game all hush hush like none of it exists and this stuff just magically happens?
@xshellx2003: Aww, I'm sorry. :/
I'm sure the guys would LOVE that! LOL Can you see them all sitting in a circle "ooo-ing and awww-ing" over gifts, and playing games?? Bahahahaha!
It's because gifts are optional, not required. And, yes, showers are the exceptions where you include the registry information. As you've noticed in the above posts, if people want to get you something you are registered for, they will ask you or your family and friends where you are registered. But buying from the registry is not required. A gift is just that, a gift. Something given voluntarily from the heart. Tucking it in the invitation is tacky because it is presuming on your guests that not only will they be getting you a gift, but insisting they get it from your registry. Hope that helps. Not trying to flame, just explain the ettiquette.
Half of my dad's side of the family thought I wasn't getting married or they weren't invited because our invitations weren't out yet. We get married at the end of May and I'm sending them out tomorrow. Everywhere it has said to send invitations out a month before the wedding. I should have done Save The Dates but our reception can only hold so many people so I think it works best this way, less people will come. (I know pretty bad haha)
But that is besides the point. I think that the way my extended family is where they basically know nothing and we barely talk then it is okay to put in website information. And then put your registry information on the website. I just put in a pretty little business card size paper with "Please visit us at www...com for directions and further information." I know its a big no-no but come on its 2011! And I did not specifically say registry. I think most people are thankful you put your information out there.
I think it's one of those old school taboo's that we are ignoring with our invite package. Granted, we are not posting the info on the actual invitation, but we are including it in our pocketfold. But we also do not have a wedding website and about 3/4 of our guests will be traveling to our city.
Pretty much ever wedding invitation I have gotten from people of my generation had the registry info included, which is handy to me as a guest because I am given all the info, and I don't have to hunt it down. But then again, I usually have to travel to weddings and have never been involved in one of those small community everyone-knows-everyone situations where the registry info can be whispered around.
I will be putting registry information on our website (which is under construction still) and putting the website address somewhere in the invitation suite, but definitely not on the actual invite itself. I would include it on invites to the shower if I were having one, because isn't that what the shower is for? But I'm in the same boat as @xshellx2003: and probably won't be having a shower. His fam is 6 hrs away, mine is all across the country. We have just barely started making friends here (we moved here in Oct, so not long at all, really) and don't expect anyone here to throw us a shower. His mom/SIL might, but we would have to travel 6 hrs to go to it, so I dunno.
It is tacky because it then appears that gifts are required. Also you are then actively soliciting gifts. It seems greedy to many recipients.
A shower is an exception because you are not hosting the event, and a shower is a mandatory gift giving occasion.
Spread the information to those that ask, via word of mouth.
Guests are under no obligation to give gifts. Providing registry info in the invitation makes it appear that they are a requirement-that there is a charge to attend the wedding. If people don't know where to look(and most will easily find it on their own) they will call you mother or another relative.
I have never seen someone include this information in a wedding invitation. It is okay to put on shower invites, beacuse you and your family are not sending those out-the host of the shower is.
It is very rude and presumptuous to put registery info in a invite. It makes the bride and groom look gift grubby. A gift should never be expected for a wedding. A lot of people will find putting that info in a invite very tacky.
I guess it all depends on where you are from. Here everyone puts the registry information on a separate card (heck you even get stacks of them to give out when you register at stores) to include with the inivtations and noone thinks its faux pas. Wedding websites aren't common here and no one is going to bother calling around to see where your registered.
Every wedding/shower I've been to always has the registry card included. That said I'm still unsure about what I'm going to actually do.
I agree that it depends on what is acceptable in your circles. In my area people dont include registry info with the invite. However people are notorious for not buying gifts from the registry so decided not to register at all
I really think that this type of thing varies from location to location and it also depends on what kind of family you grew up in. The type of family that I grew up in, gifts were given for every occasion. So it would be abnormal to not get gifts for a wedding.
I would never put the information smack-on the wedding invitation, but as other bees have said including it in the pocket-fold, so that I don't have 125 family/friends calling around trying to hunt for information- which as a guest is inconvenient. I WOULD put it in the shower invite, but I am not throwing my own shower.
This really is a to-each-his-own issue...
I can tell you that I'm 40 and I do not remember a time whenwhen it was acceptable to do -- it's seen as a money grab.
Before wedding websites, you put it in the shower invite, or it was word of mouth.
If I were registering, I would add an insert to the wedding invite. This is what most of my guests would expect since I am not having a shower, and most of my relatives don't have internet access (not that I have a wedding website anyway). I think only you know how your guests will view you if you include registry information. If they are cool with it, add it, if not, don't.
@JamaicaBride: I'm saying. Some things are not that blanket. It's also cultural. I've never been to a wedding for people from my culture that didn't have registry info as an insert. It's expected. I'd never heard of not having registry info in the invites. Actually, pre-bee, I didn't know anything about gifts being listed on shower invites. I've never received a shower invite that wasn't an evite in my life... just goes to show.
@blu77: Hear, hear!
BTW, I'll see blu's forty and raise her twenty-odd; and I cannot remember a time, either, when sending out your registry information to your guests wasn't considered unpleasantly forward and grasping.
What I do remember, is a time when they weren't even thought of as "gift registries". You registered your "patterns" (meaning your china pattern, crystal pattern, and silver pattern) with a store -- not Target or a warehouse store like Bed, Bath and Beyond, but a reqputable high-end vendor like Birks or Eaton's or Johnson-Walker (I suppose the American equivalents might be Tiffany's or Macy's). The idea was that the store would keep track of your pattern and pieces so that if guests broke a piece, or you wanted to extend your collection, the store could match your pattern correctly.You could also identify what you were planning to add next so that the store could contact you in the event of a sale or in the sad event of your pattern's being discontinued.
When you got married (usually many years after picking and registering your pattern in your early teens and collecting many pieces) guests who knew you well would already know your patterns from having enjoyed your hospitality in the past. Guests who were less well-connected could, with a bit of ingenuity, "fake" a closer relationship and still send the right patterns, by sniffing out where you were registered. Even those who knew your patterns already might check out your registry for the fun of spying -- in a socially-tolerated manner -- on your taste.
And that, actually, is the "point of getting registered". It's become a lot harder of late to pretend that it's about young brides prudently planning for future hospitality, what with folks registering for blenders and flat-screen TV's and what-not, but I like to pretend they are just registering for their own convenience and not as some sort of nuptial version of a letter to Santa. Keeping the registry off the invitation helps me to pretend I'm being invited for my whit and charm regardless of my relatively deep pockets.
Thanks for the advice. I just didn't think it was so rude to include the info. Isn't it the NORM to register? Every single couple has registries for the wedding and including that info seems to actually be something nice to help them with knowing where to go if they decide to utlize the registry.
When did it become that the bride/groom are being gift pushy? I see it as just info in case so it eliminates the headache of searching for a gift or searching for information.
I think the girls will know to ask if its not included, but our guy friends will have no idea what to do and probably won't ask.
Learning something new..
I won't go into detail of why it's an etiquette no-no, because etiquette is weird sometimes IMO. But I think the older people will do like they always do and just hear it by word of mouth where you are registered. Many older people will go directly to your parents and just ask. I wouldn't be worried about them.
I personally would like to know where the person is registered, and I don't mind if it's in the wedding invitation. But people are just being careful about looking greedy I guess? My guy friend is getting married on Saturday.. I wasn't friends on Facebook with his FI and wasn't invited to her showers etc (totally expected because we're not friends). So I realized I had NO way of knowing their registry info unless I just asked him. I texted him and he really didn't remember but was "pretty sure" it was at XYZ store. Baha! Then berated me for not knowing.. I told him he should've put their website on his Facebook! Then he laughed in my face (over text?) and said guys don't do that.
Moral of the story, I had to dig A LOT to find their dang registry, but I got it. So you can either 1) include it on the invitations so it won't be as hard for people in my situation, and the older people, or 2) not put it on the invitation and trust that they will figure it out. Either way, it's your decision :)
@aspasia, I love your post! I'm not a young woman and would also like to believe my family and friends want me at their weddings for my wit and charm. I'd just as soon not receive a stack of registry cards.
I've not been to a wedding where there was a wedding web site. I love the idea, tho, but I'm an internet junkie. So I'd be more open to seeing a web site listed somewhere in the invitation packet.
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I guess I missed the memo about why its tacky to include our registry information on the invitations?
To me it would seem like it helps everyone know where we are registered instead of worried they aren't going to get us something they don't want.
Plus, we have ALOT of older family members and they will have no clue to look on our website.
I just don't get it? What is the point of getting registered if you cant tell people.Isn't it to help everyone know and It saves them time.
Sorry - I am sure everyone will say it is rude but please explain?