Post # 1
Let me start by saying that I am very grateful for my family and FI’s family and the gifts they do give on Christmas and birthdays. However, when did I become no longer a woman in everyone else’s eyes.
My birthday is a few days after Christmas so I never shop for myself before the holidays because I know every year I get clothes, shoes, purses etc. Well this year I received a combination of things like a salad spinner, dish cloths, vacum, cook books, and an iron. I appreciate these gifts I just don’t know when it all changed that I no longer get gifts for me, but for a house (that I don’t even own yet).
My FI got gifts for him clothes, cologne, shoes, poker set, etc. and I got household things so I can cook, do dishes, iron, and clean the house! It’s like noone thinks of me as a person anymore but simply as a housewife.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful at all, but I just didn’t know if this is happening to anyone else and if they feel the same way. I just don’t want to feel like I’m losing myself along the way.
Post # 3
Wow- that stinks! I’d return all the stuff and buy myself something special that I really wanted!
We usually give everyone else gift ideas in my family. Maybe you could start doing that.
Post # 4
I feel you – my MIL spent well over $300 on two Shark floor cleaning systems for me – for a house I also don’t own, and I never suggested that I want them. I have no idea what to do about it. That money could have been spent elsewhere (or, she could have just not spent it), but I don’t want to seem ungrateful or rude. I didn’t even expect gifts from her, and especially not expensive gifts (she also got me a few other expensive, more useful things), so I feel like complaining would make me sound like a brat, but it’s really a waste of money.
I don’t take offense to the gifts, because it’s pretty typical, especially of older generations, to buy you “house” things after marriage. I just don’t want or need “house” things at this point, especially expensive ones that I’ll never use.
Post # 5
It didn’t bother me until I opened a gift bag of dish cloths last night and that’s when it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I think I am going to have to give ideas when people ask.
Post # 6
This is happening to me as well but we are still making our home so I don’t mind. BUT I can totally see how in two Christmases/Birthdays I will be over that and wanting things for me and not the house.
My Mister did get me a new Coach purse because I was anything but subtle about requesting one! Maybe you can hint drop to the husband and he can get you non-house gifts and even tell other what you want?
Post # 7
The same sort of thing happened to me over Christmas, but not as bad. I got an assortment of “house” gifts like new pots and pans, oven mitts, salt and pepper shakers, serving dishes, etc. My husband also got “house” gifts (tools), but most of his gifts were things he wanted – including a Blu-Ray player, Wii, and clothes.
I’m grateful for my gifts as well, but I sympathize with how you’re feeling. I’m just glad that we didn’t receive a lot of baby stuff, as we’re totally being pressured by the family to start breeding like rabbits!
Post # 8
Dude, we got a heater, blankets, sheets, dish towels and bath towels for Christmas. My family “upgraded” our linens and towels! Next year, it won’t be like that. We won’t need them. It’ll get ot the point where you say “well this is what I need” and that’s what you get. But then again, DH also got some of those household type things. THose were “our” gifts.
Next year, tell your Fi what you want and let him leak ti to the family. I get things like cookbooks, workout clothes, and pajamas because when he asks what I want, that’s what I tell him I want. He;ll say things like “oh don’t you want a new vacuum?” (because I do) and I’ll say, “yeah but man, that’s not a Christmas gift!” so you have to let everyone think that’s not quite a “gift” ya know?Then again, I got DH a pizza cookbook and a pizza stone for Christmas. But also clothes and stuff he likes. A mix si always good.
Just try to be grateful–if they didn’t buy you those things, you’d end up spending your own money on them. So just ‘swap’ the money and buy what you want!
Post # 9
Oh boy. Remember the movie Father of the Bride? Your post reminded me of the scene when the daughter comes marching back to her parent’s home crying to call the wedding off because her fiance gave her a blender. And her outlook was the same as yours. She was like, ‘what’s this for? so the little wife can be in the kitchen circa 1950?’ When in reality, he purchased the blender for her because she loves to make milkshakes.
I think household items are fine as shower gifts but certainly not Christmas/birthday presents unless you expressed a want for them. Hang in there.
Go buy yourself something wonderful for your birthday. Splurge a little.
Post # 10
ejs4y8- You are exactly right with your last point. I would have spent my own money to buy household things, so instead I should be able to treat myself =). With the wedding and all I am so hesitant to treat myself lately but I’ll just pretend I’m spending that money towards a new vacuum.
Post # 11
I am so so sorry you feel that way!
Maybe, everyone thought that you would like those things. Not a reflection on them thinking you are just a Sally Homemaker?
I actually typically like getting those kinds of things because we love to cook but don’t typically spend money on ourselves for kitchen gadgetry.Maybe express that to your FI? Maybe he doesn’t know that you feel that way? I think it’s really important you tell him this. He probably doesn’t know you feel this way. Tell him you feel like you are losing yourself. Tell him that just because you don’t shop for yourself doesn’t’ mean you don’t like female things like a day at the spa or clothing or perfume or things just for YOU.
I know how you feel a teeny bit. We always get things like spa days, perfume, female relaxation alike items for the other females in his family. Because they are all more the type that will spend ton of money on themselves. I am not. Because I don’t like to spend money on myself but doesn’t mean I don’t like that stuff. Doesn’t mean I don’t want a day at the spa.
Express yourself! I hope it all works out!!!
P.S. I don’t think at all this is about her being ungrateful. It’s not about her getting things they need for their house. It’s about her getting ALL homemaker stuff. And not for her and just for her to relax.
P.P.S. We also got “upgraded” towel sets for Christmas! IT was awesome because we have no actual set because we’re too cheap to go spend that kind of $$$ on a good set. We had expressed that we were going to put that on our registry. Hahah.
Post # 12
I think it is wrong that you both didn’t get things for the house.. it shouldn’t be you and not your FI. We get our house in 9 days!!! and for Christmas we got a lot of gifts… he got a knife block, I got the toaster oven, he got a step ladder, I got a shovel (lol … I am moving in but he wont be until May.. so I am going to be shoveling the driveway). he got a hedge trimmer.
It should be both of you getting house gifts or none. Unless it is what you really wanted.
Post # 13
I’m not married yet, but I already ask for stuff like that. That’s mostly because my family has horrible taste in clothes though, haha, so I tend to hate anything ‘personal’ that they buy me – and they’re fine with it, because iet’s a lot of work to find clothes, etc you think someone will like!
I’d also much rather let my mom spend $150 on a food processor than spend it myself.
J mostly gets gift cards (I get a lot of those too). Our families aren’t big on the gift giving front I guess.
Post # 14
Thanks girls! I didn’t know if I was going crazy with this wedding and all! I don’t know about you, but I’ve been extra emotional lately with planning the wedding and trying to buy a house at the same time.
Post # 15
This is frustrating and not near as fun as personal gifts…..but I think people feel safer giving gifts like that….they assume they will be useful and needed. Bummer. Maybe make requests or do some returning. I feel ya!
Post # 16
Ahgr. Buy yourself something with the money you ‘saved’ with the gifts. And before next gift giving occasion mention how much you love getting personal things just for you. Also definitely bring it up to your husband nowish. This kind of thing could get out of control!
If they really want to give you useful house stuff they always have the option of gifting it to your FH.