Post # 1
Ok this is embarassing to me, but I just have to ask because I feel like something is wrong with me. I don’t really feel a bond with my baby yet, don’t get me wrong I love my baby and think about him or her all the time. I have a desire to protect and care for my growing baby. But I guess I just don’t feel lovely towards it, I always pictured myself reading or tallking to my belly now that baby can hear…but I can’t it just feels too weird…=[
I also still have such a feeling of unreality about my pregnancy, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’m going to have a child…it’s just so overwhelming that it just doesn’t seem to compute.
I think about how much I gush and goo over my dog and cat I just can’t get enough of them and feel like I’m broken, because I should feel that way about my baby…and I so desperately want to..
I’ve heard the heartbeat had an ultrasound and felt a few flutters..but it’s still just so abstract to me. Sometimes I wonder if I should get counselling about it just to make sure there’s not something wrong with me. Am I like the worst pregnant lady ever? Did anyone else experience this?
Post # 3
my friend said she felt indifferent during pregnancy but experienced the big rush of love after birth
im 3 months…had 2 ultrasounds and i still dont really feel pregnant. im doing everything im supposed to but i dont feel connected yet
Post # 4
At birth. I mean I cried at my first ultrasound because they gave me a pic to take home and that made it all very suddenly REAL to me. But I didn’t actually feel maternal until I gave birth and laid eyes on her for the very first time.
Post # 5
I skipped the 12 week sono, so I didn’t even get to see our little babe look like a baby until the anatomy scan when we found out the gender…. since then I would say I definitely feel more connected
Post # 6
Thanks for the input it’s nice to know I’m not totally crazy. I keep telling myself that knowing the gender will probably help a lot, but I thought that about the first ultra sound too.
Post # 7
I must be weird then too because I don’t feel super bonded to my babies ( i have had 2) until a couple weeks after birth. I mean- I would protect them at all costs- but i feel like i needed to get to know them a little!
Post # 8
@ames12708: im hoping that too. For me it doesn’t help that my husband is super excited about the baby – strokes my stomach, talks to it and feels really connected already. Makes me feel like an unfeeling monster!!!
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
After finding out the sex and feeling her kicks, I felt “closer” to her. I think the whole love thing comes once she’s exits my stomach. Right now, I’m just telling my belly I love it, and I find that weird.
Post # 10
@ames12708: It is definitely not just you! I am only at 8w5d so far, but your post resonated with me a lot. Just like you, it’s not that I’m not excited, that I’m not preparing and thinking a lot about it… but I don’t feel an emotional connection yet. We just had our first U/S, and my husband and I were both like… “It’s a blob! Yay?”. I sometimes think that TV and movies have conditoned all women that they should be stroking their stomachs and crying happy tears for 40 weeks, and I think that is just unrealistic for some people (and if you are crying happy tears and stroking your belly for 40 weeks, that’s great– do your thing!)
You are not the worst pregnant lady ever! And if not feeling connected yet makes you a terrible pregnant woman, then at least you have some company.
Post # 11
I’m going to be honest, I was in shock early on so the first time I saw the heartbeat I felt like it was someone else’s baby on the screen and thought it was cool but didn’t immediately get attached. When I felt the first movements it was finally like ok, this is my baby inside of me. I felt a decent bond throughout my pregnancy, but nothing like when my son was born. Don’t feel bad, you’ll make up for it when little one is born!
Post # 12
@ames12708: OK I haven’t had a baby but I don’t tihnk there is anything wrong with this feeling!!! As you said, being pregnant is totally abstract, your dog and cat however are right in front of you. You love the baby you are carrying, and you care about it, but just because you don’t sit around talking to your belly, which can’t talk back or even look at you, doesn’t mean you need counseling or that you are a bad pregnant lady!
I highly doubt that most people sit around crooning to their unborn child 🙂
Post # 13
It’s weird being pregnant, I think it becomes “real” once you see/hold the baby the first time. I had a rush of emotions when I first heard him cry and saw him.
Post # 14
@ames12708: I’m almost 6 months pregnant and I’m totally in this boat! I was just discussing this with some of my FB bee friends. It’s not that I don’t love my little boy, but I just don’t feel connected to him yet. I thought I would when I found out the sex or felt it move and kick but it still hasn’t clicked for me. He moves all the time but it feels alien to me. Like there’s something inside me, not a baby but something. I just can’t wrap my head around it. I know once he’s here and in my arms I will feel completely different, that’s what I’m told, and I can’t wait for that! I also think a large part of my disconnect comes from losing a baby brother when I was young. I grew so attached to him when my stepmom was pregnant. I would talk to him and had all these plans for playing with him when he was born and then just like that, he was gone. At 6 days old he was gone. I was so heartbroken that it’s been hard for me, even at 15 years later, to get attached to anyone or anything. I was very guarded but since getting married have let my wall down a little and I would be completely lost without my DH! I know I’ll feel the same way about my son when he gets here. I really can’t wait to meet him so I can feel like a mom 🙂
Post # 15
I felt bonded immediately, as soon as the “+” sign popped up. But – I’m a very, very emotional person, in every aspect of my life.
Not everyone is the same and it in no way means someone is a better or more loving mother if they feel more bonded to their child sooner than someone else. One of my closest friends cried to me when her daughter was a couple months old because she said she didn’t feel bonded to her yet. I gave her a great big hug and told her not to compare herself to me or my emotions, or to anyone else. She was and is a wonderful mother. It just took her a little more time to warm up to her baby, but that is NORMAL – for her!
It’s a falling-in-love process and everyone is different about that. Not better or worse – just different. 🙂
Post # 16
Thanks all for your input it really has helped me feel better about a situation that’s been bothering me for weeks.
@SouthernSunshine: omg I lost a baby brother as well when I was 15. I was so attached to him and loved him so much I felt like he was my baby. I never considered that could play a large roll in my feelings.