Post # 1
I’m just curious if you’re among the first, right in the pack, or among the last of your group to get engaged/married. How old are you your fiance? Where do you live? What were reactions you got? And how did your timing influence your engagement/wedding process?
My FI is 31 and I’m 27, we’ve been together for 6 years, I’m the first in my friend group to get engaged (we’ve also been together longer than any of our other couple friends). In our area most people get engaged around 30 or later.
I don’t really mind being the first in my group, because obviously I want to get married, but I do feel like my friends sort of don’t know what to do. Like I doubt they will host a party of any kind, most of them still talk about marriage like it’s a far far far away thing, I feel like they’re almost- confused? Like when I asked a friend if that was on the horizon (he’s been with a girl for 3 years, they both want kids and are 27-28 years old) he was like, “oh god no, not for a really long time, maybe when we’re like 34 we’ll get married”, and I’ve noticed some sort of anti-getting married in your 20s articles posted by some friends of friends on facebook.
It honestly doesn’t bother me, because I have always been individulatistic, but it all seem so subjective (and so dependent on where you live). I just feel like it’s almost a reverse marriage peer-pressure. I’m sure that some people think we’re kind of lame for getting married, but I’m certainly not going to wait until I’m 35 just because that’s considered more socially acceptable. The even weirder thing is that most of these people live with significant others and have for years, so drawing a line at marriage seems so silly to me, I mean, FI and I have lived together 6 years. We go to costco on sundays, we have credit cards together, yet somehow marriage is seen as like a really extreme thing to do?
So tell me bees, how is it where you live?
This topic was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by swonderful.
Post # 2
swonderful: The decision to marry is a personal choice that should not be decided based on what everyone else thinks about it. I didn’t marry untill I was 30, but it was a quick engagement, and everyone was negative about it. In the end, we did what was best for us.
I was the last of my friends to get married. It can be a lonely and make you feel like you are the “odd man out.”
Post # 3
Right in the middle or even a little early for me — I was 32. Husband was late but not terribly so at 39. Our friends and family all get married late, I guess!
Post # 4
My husband and I are the first of our friend group to get married (we’re 24, 25 next month). One other couple is currently engaged.
In terms of where we are relative to our high school class, I’d say we’re more towards the middle of the pack. Our graduating class is getting married young.
Post # 5
swonderful: With our mutual friends, we’ve been together 2nd longest and married last.
Of my friends from childhood, we’ve been together longest and married last
Of his childhood friends, he’s the only one in a relationship and we’re married first (his friends belong in a Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson movie…)
Post # 6
We were the first of our group of friends to get married by over a year. We got engaged in May 2012 and married in May 2013. Alot of my friends got engaged in late 2013 – and got (or are getting) married this year!
Post # 7
swonderful: I don’t really have a distinct friend group but basing it off of my facebook friends, we are about in the middle. We will be 26 and 31. It really varies depending on when I knew the people and what they did after high school. I come from a small town and many people stayed around after graduation, many of these people were married in their early 20s. I went to a big city for college and most of the people I met there are not married yet. In my graduate program, there is a mix of married and single people, though the ages vary quite a bit as well.
Post # 8
i got engaged second. and was suppose to be married first. but my friend who was engaged first HAD to change her date like 2 months before my wedding (hers was suppose to be a month after mine but ended up being 2 weeks before!) that was 5 years ago and then our mutual friend just got married 2 months ago; she was a little late to the game. otherwise all my other friends were a year or 2 after my wedding
Post # 9
swonderful: we were some of the last – and i am definitely one of the last out of my lady friends. we met when i was 30 and he was 36, and this may we married at 33 and 39. we live in charlotte, nc…so not super southern, but southern enough for it to be more than common to marry in your 20s. we just hadn’t found each other yet when we were in our 20s 😉
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I’d say we are right around the same time / in the middle of our friend group. The first ones got married 2 (or maybe it’s been 3 already?) years ago. 2 last year. Us this year. We have at least 1 more couple friend who should be getting engaged within the next year (at least that was the timeline her bf told her). The friends who haven’t gotten married yet (for the most part) aren’t really dating anyone. Oh we will be 28 and 26 when we get married.
Post # 11
We got married at about the same age as a lot of our friends and cousins. The year we got married (2012), we actually were invited to ELEVEN weddings between June and November! We also went to 6 last year, and only 1 this year. We got married at 27/26 – I’m older. So it was pretty typical timing for our friend group. Since then, we’ve moved to a much smaller town where it’s typical to get married at 22-24 and start popping out kids immediately. So ALL of our friends here have 1-3 kids already. It’s kind of hard to get used to – we can’t invite someone out last minute, we have to plan ahead so they have time to find a babysitter. I think this caused me to get baby fever earlier than I otherwise would have, but I made myself stay rational about it and wait til we were actually ready. It’s really hard to keep your head on straight sometimes and not be influenced by your friends!
Post # 12
swonderful: We got engaged years after most of our friends. I’m 23, my partner is 34, and most of our friends are in their 30s. Waiting was so, so hard for me. I felt like our relationship was less “legit” than those around us.
I’ve seen some of the anti-marriage-in-your-20s stuff you’ve talked about, and it’s so frustrating to me. I remember one of our friends (who was one of the first in the group to marry) talking about how he and his wife pretty much got heckled for their decision to get married. They were 28/29, so it seems crazy that people would think they were too young!
I wonder if it’s because so many people assume marriage = babies? We’re childfree by choice, so I see no reason not to get married when I’m in my 20s! I’m happy to marry early. It’s awesome that I’ll get to grow and develop as a person with my partner, rather than despite him, which so many people seem to think.
Post # 13
near last in DH’s circle, middle of pack in my circle.
Post # 14
- Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club
In my group of friends, it was late; they were typically 21-23 when getting engaged, I was 27. For FI’s group for friends, he was super late… again, 21-23 but he was 38. We joke that he had to wait for me to be old enough and get “it out of my system” before he found me. It’s round two for both of us though (no marriages from the first engagements).
Post # 15
SexyCatLady: That’s such an interesting point! We’re also childfree by choice, so that hadn’t really ocurred to me! I mean, going from “couple” to “parents” is definitely a much huger shift than going from “unmarried couple” to “married couple”. I feel the same way, I think we’re lucky that we got to meet fairy young, I want to be married and continue with our awesome life of freedom and possibility. I feel like it’s just the begining, we want to travel the world, own a a business, live abroad- it’s definitely the begining of the adventure and not the end (which I think is how some people feel).