Hm, well, with my husband we did not really have an official “talk”. We just sort of had an open and honest relationship where we talked about these things regularly and openly as they came to mind. So, it flowed, but it was not like we sat around just “hoping” the other would say something or something would happen, either, nor did we ever have to have a “talk” specifically about where things were going. We remained flexible and when things came up that would affect each other and the relationship we would talk about them as we did with anything else. We were both older when we met, and both learned from past experience that it was always better to talk than to not!
So, for example, after we had been dating for five or so months, my now-husband was taking an early retirement from the military and wanted to move to another province to possibly go back to school. I was finishing up law school and had a job lined up already in my hometown. We talked about whether we wanted to do long distance (neither of us really did at this point in our lives), what our options were, and ultimately we knew we wanted to be together so worked something out (we both moved across the country as I looked and found a job that was even better for me than the one I had lined up). Contemporanous with that was talking about and deciding to live together, since we were moving across the country together. That decision though was not like a sit down and talk about it seriously, it was more like the culmination of ongoing conversations about our expectations and hopes, and it just felt right to move in together. We moved across the country without a plan of him living with me right away, but then once we got here, we just decided he would. It felt comfortable as we had talked to often about these things beforehand.
Same with marriage. He asked me when I was not expecting it (in some ways he was not either..bit of an unusual story there), but it was also not a surprise either or totally out of the blue. We both knew where we were in respect to our commitment, and our long term expectations, and had talked about marriage many times in an open general and more specific to us way, so when he asked, it was just “natural” for us both that it happened that way.
For us, anyway, there has never been “formal talks” about where things are going. It is more just like we live our relationship, live our lives, things flow, and we just communicate so openly and often that we are in tune to where we both are and whether we are on the same page. Wherever we are is where we are. We never were trying to tick boxes or anything, when things felt natural to do, we did them.
All that being said, if you are feeling this way, then you certainly SHOULD be talking to him. I am a big believer in being authentic and “real” with each other. If you are feeling uncertain as to where his expectations for your relationship lie, and it is causing you anxiety, then it is time to sit down and talk about where you both are at. It does not need to be a pressure laden experience, just one where you are honest and open with each other. Going on and hoping he says something first, or hoping things just “happen”, is more likely to divide you as resentment and distance grows between you.
You should never just go along trying to “guess” what the other is thinking or even expect them to “guess” what you are thinking. Talk to each other, let yourself be known to them and let yourself know them. It is refreshing! You are NOT a passive partner in this relationship. This relationship is what you BOTH bring to it as individuals and together.
The truth will remain the truth no matter whether you ask or not, so you might as well know the truth, IMHO, no matter what that truth is. If he is not in the same place as you yet, fine, but not knowing that will not change that fact. At least knowing you can make decisions for yourself, or together you can talk about where he IS and so on.