Post # 1
I’m not yet trying to conceive. I know that many people wait until after a baby shower to buy anything, or they just buy the big stuff. I don’t plan on having a baby shower and would prefer to buy everything myself…which is what I’ve started doing.
I plan to start trying around July or August. My sister-in-law and my cousin’s wife are also trying. If I happen to see baby clothes at a sharp discount ($1 – $2 apiece, sometimes for complete outfits), I’ve just started grabbing it. My reasoning is that whatever I don’t use, I can surely pass around with the other two in the family.
I’ve also started amassing the necessities – receiving blankets, bottles, etc. Until I start trying, it gives me a sense of control and accomplishment. And it also serves a more sinister purpose.
My future mother-in-law was quite pushy about me having a wedding shower. I hate being the center of attention, and as we’ve already lived together for 2 years, I felt it would be a money-grabbing move. We’re fortunate in that we’re both employed, and my FI’s job is excellent. We like to do things ourselves.
I figure that if I have just about everything by the time I announce a pregnancy to her, she will table the pressure to have a baby shower.
I basically have the big stuff left at this point. I plan to start buying those one at-a-time. Now that garage sale season is approaching, I’ll be looking for furniture, high chairs, etc.
Anyone else in a similar boat?
Post # 3
I won’t buy anything until I’m actually pregnant, but that is me being superstitous.
The Real Issue to me: if you don’t want a baby shower, when the time comes, be firm and tell her no. Set the boundaries now, before the baby is born. What are you going to do when the baby has birthdays and other celebrations (i.e. Christening)? If you don’t communicate to her now (nicely, but firmly, with DH’s support), she will push bigger celebrations on you for other things.
Also, I don’t think I will want a baby shower for similar reasons (I really HATE being the center of attention and we have good jobs, we can purchase whatever we like for the baby). But I assume I’ll deal with that when someone offers to throw me one.
Post # 4
I hesitated to buy anything until around the end of the first trimester, mostly because I was a bit scared of something going wrong. My mom & my MIL have both offered to host baby showers so I’m waiting until after those to get everything else. We did buy the nursery furniture already, and some of our friends & co-workers have given us oodles of stuff to get us started.
Post # 5
I have a shopping list ready, but I will not be buying anything until I’m into the 3rd trimester. I’m not sure I want a baby shower, either, but if I decide I don’t want one, I’ll just tell the potential planner no thanks. I understand that MILs can be a special breed of pushy, though, so I get what you’re doing. 🙂
Post # 6
We bought a strollre before TTC because it was the one I love and it was a great deal, so we stashed it away but besides that we haven’t bought too much besides a few outfits and a glider for the nursery and I’m almost 24 weeks. We are now starting to paint the nursery so we’ll need our crib soon. My mom is planning a shower I believe, so we don’t plan to buy too much until after that and we don’t know the gender so I’ve been staying away from buying lots of clothing.
Post # 7
I’m only 6 weeks and will not step foot in a baby store until nearing the end of the second trimster.
I also believe it’s bad luck to collect things before pregnancy and in early pregnancy. If anything were to happen I wouldn’t want to look at these things sitting around my house. Too heartbreaking.
Post # 8
Not until half way through my pregnancy. I miscarried twice early & my cousin lost a baby during the delivery. I didnt feel comfortable buying anything until i was in the “safe zone”. I bought like 3 outfits the day we found out we were expecting a girl. But that was it. Dd was the first baby in the family so I knew we were having a huge shower. My family loves to celebrate, we had a blast. We needed nothing after the shower so it was good we didn’t buy anything.
Post # 10
In the UK people don’t really do baby showers until the baby is actually born since it’s considered bad luck. You’d buy the big things (crib, stroller) in the second or third trimester but wouldn’t collect them until you’re as near as possible to the due date.
Post # 11
I’m 18 weeks and we haven’t gotten anything yet. We find out what we’re having tomorrow (yay) and DH wants to wait til we know what we’re having before we buy anything. And even when we know I don’t plan on buying anything, This past weekend was the very first time we actually looked at any baby items just to get ideas. We want to have a baby shower because we just want to celebrate with our friends. This will be my mother’s first grandchikd so I know she’s excited to be there.
As far as getting baby stuff begore preggers…. I work with families that want to adopt children and I usually will suggest to them not to get anything until the child they plan on adopting is moving in. It can be nerve racking to walk by a room for a child that’s not there. But if you think you can handle it or having baby items and no baby then if you see something you like get it!
Is there a way you and DH can talk to MIL about not having a shower? Maybe you guys can have a bbq or something as a celebration of the addition to the family? Not necessarily a shower just a gather of friends and loved ones? Good luck with talking with MIL.
Post # 12
13 weeks and the only thing I bought was two shirts to tell DH and DD we were expecting at Christmas. I too am superstitious about this and don’t want to buy anything too early. So many of my friends/family are going through fertility issues that TTC is taking a lot longer than they expected. Can you imagine having a room full of baby stuff for the baby you can’t seem to get?
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch…
Post # 13
@baletrina: That was me when I started TTC 9 years ago w/my exH. Every time I went to a baby shower (like every month) I’d pick up something for myself. After 6 years, I finally gave the stuff to my exSIL for her baby…although I never bought BIG items.
After that, I stopped buying stuff altogether until my exH and I were in the process of adoption…I bought him clothes but refused to do his nursery, buy his car seat, or a stroller. Everyone told me it was b/c I “was adopting so I wasn’t nesting” and then it fell through 3 weeks before he was born….all the while thinking for the past 7 months we’d have a little boy.
It was heartbreaking enough to deal with having to tell everyone invited to the baby shower (after his birth) that it wasn’t happening…I can’t imagine if I had to take down his nursery too. I still have his clothes in a box in the basement and just recently got rid of his sonogram/dvd (the mom made me copy.) Even though that was over 3 years ago, I felt like I was losing him all over again by throwing out that stuff.
Post # 14
Personally I wouldn’t purchase anything before you are pregnant. What happens if you do start to TCC and you are unable to get pregnant? I have a friend when she was with her EX, he would go back n forth on telling her he wanted a child. So she bought all kinds of baby clothes. He divorced her and she now has totes and toes of baby stuff and no child in the picture….
Post # 15
I will be starting the TTC process in a few months, and the only thing I am planning on buying before I am pregnant is a onsie to give to DH when I tell him I a pregnant. I do understand the temptation to start though; especially when you find good deals!
Post # 16
I’ve already pointed out that if I’m unable to have a baby, there are others in the family who are trying. I’ll either sell it or give it away to family and friends. I’m not devastated if I have problems. I’m not so deadset on a child that if nature has other plans that I’ll be a mess – and thankfully, we have the means to possibly adopt in the future.
I’m not really superstitious either. Anything could happen (specifically speaking of miscarriages and the like here), and I realize that a closet with baby clothes and whatnot doesn’t change anything. I don’t feel a personal attachment to baby items – i.e., that if I miscarry, those items are now forevermore tainted by that even if I later try to conceive. If it turns out I am – I can always store it somewhere else until I’m ready to start trying again.
I am firm with my mother-in-law (no wedding shower!) but I figure a little additional leverage can’t hurt.