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I think you are totally justified in being upset. Normally, I am all about helping friends with stuff like that, but if someone starts to take advantage I suddenly become very "busy" whenever they call.
i voted other - i dont mind helping a friend with a lift every now and then but im not a taxi service and i generally dont give friends money (because they dont ask)
its a bad habit your FI needs to break - all he needs to do is say no a few times and these "friends" will find someone else to take advatage of
@BerryBerry: No neither drives.
WHen my FI handed me his phone one time, I was looking at the texts between my FI and this guy. Nothing but texts about pleas for money and rides. Ever since then I have been upset to see how this 'friendship' is!! I told my FI that your friendship is not a friendship, hes completely using u!
I'll carpool with a friend if we're going the same place, but I will never be a cab service. I also expect the friend to drive 50% of the time.
Also, you should see if this friend sticks around after your FI doesn't give him money or rides? I have a feeling he's just around for the perks and won't be as good of a friend if your FI isn't paying his way.
@bookworm88: Yeah the thing is, he doesnt drive at all. SO carpooling wouldnt work because my FI would be doing it all. Sounds crazy, but I wish I could take ove the texting between him and my FI, I would tell him whats what!
I'm confused. Mainly because any normal person would not ask for a ride constantly. Your FI's friend sounds like a deadbeat, and your FI needs to stand up for himself. It's not about the money, it's a time factor too.
I, too, would be curious to see if this dude sticks around after your FI stops being his chauffeur.
That drove me nuts in HS. I was the only one with a car and people wanted rides everywhere. After the new license glow wore off I refused unless I was already going there (and that included dropping people off who lived "on the way"). I just felt like they were taking advantage and I did not want to pay for the gas anymore. I also felt like a jerk asking for gas money and trying to figure out how much their ride really cost.
"I'm sorry...I won't be able to give you rides anymore, but if you are stuck I'd be happy to chip in and get you a bus pass for a month until you get back on your feet."
I love to drive, so I wouldn't mind giving rides...it's the "being used" aspect that would wear me down.
I don't mind helping someone out once in a while or sharing rides when we're going to the same place, but I would certainly object at being taken advantage of, which is exactly what is happening here! In high school, I was one of the last to get my license but I fortunately had a good friend who lived only a few blocks away from me and would usually pick me up. I always gave her gas money though, even though she tried to refuse most of the time. Now, I don't think about gas money but I also don't expect to be the one driving all the time (or expect someone else to drive ME all the time!)
I agree with the PPs that your FI needs to just be 'unavailable' for the next several times he calls. It is ridiculous that a grown man (and his wife!) rely on others to drive them around. Fair enough if they don't want to get their license, but then they better learn how the public transit system works.
@roxymalone: That expression popped in my mind before I even finished reading OP's post! Lol
@asscherlover: This.
I'm 21, and in my circle of friends from work, I'm the only one that drives. I am sick to the back teeth of it.
My friend does that too...I just don't ask her to hang out much anymore lol because I know I will have to drive.
He should definitly stop giving rides. When people don't drive themselves, they don't realize what's the cost of money and time it takes to only give a ride.
@openminded: I totally agree! I have a friend who is like this, she asks everyone for rides. We don't have a car during the school year, but this friend keeps trying to convince us to get one so we can drive her places! So annoying! After a while, I'm sure the money she gave us wouldn't be worth it.
I have a friend who didn't learn to drive until a few years ago so she is uncomfortable driving still. I know this, so I always offer to drive her when we go out (even going out of my way to pick her up). For a while her and her husband only had 1 car so I would offer to drop her off at home after work, when we worked together. I didn't mind because I knew their situation and wanted to help them and it only cost me 5-10 minutes of my time. Her and her husband were always very grateful which is probably why I never minded. Now, if she stopped thanking me for the rides and started expecting them I would probably have gotten annoyed and stopped driving her.
I'm in a study group and there's this one guy that doesn't have a car and we ALWAYS have to give him rides. We meet like 3 times a week and just take turns giving him rides. It's really annoying, but at least his house is kind of near mine, the others have to go WAY out of their way for him!
I also had a "friend" in college (we had known each other in high school too and were really close) that completely dropped me freshman year once she bonded with a couple of people on our floor. Literally didn't hear from her for two years until I got my car, then suddenly she's texting me every week asking her to drive her (and her group of friends that she dropped me for) to the store/out to dinner/another friend's house etc etc etc. I stopped answering her. I advise your FI to do the same :).
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I am so frustrated right now!!! My fiance has a friend who makes more money then him, but asks for rides and money. And my fiance does it all. He helps him! My fiance is struggling with his own bills, and should not be giving away money and rides.
Recently I found out that supposedly my FI is not giving him money anymore and gets 20 everytime he gives the guy a ride. But who knows.
But a question occured to me as I was thinking about the situation,when is it too much?????
The guy nor his wife drives and asks my FI for rides.WHen would u tell a friend enough is enough? Even if they give u money for the ride??
And now I just found out that my FI applied to the same business where this friend works. Good LORD, the guy is gonna ask for rides continuously now if my FI gets the job!!!!!
With your experience with your friends, when did you say enough is enough?? Even if they did give u money, when did u just get tired of it????