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I cant wait to become a mother! but i'm still in school and my husband is in seminary.
i know we are not ready now, but when do you know??
Any advise? That way I can plan and work towards a goal! :)
Thanks ladies!
You don't! I have heard tons of people say that if you wait til you're ready, you will NEVER be ready.
My dad told me when I was a kid that there's no point in waiting to be ready as you never will be. Just have the baby and work out how to cope.
That said, we live in the UK where childbirth itself isn't an expensive process and maternity leave is MUCH better.
@kate169:lol... i've heard that before. but i just think there has to be a point financially that a couple can feel comfortable to have a baby. Like both with stable jobs and some money in the bank??. but just how much!??? ahhh! :)
Here's the savings breakdown my DH and I are working towards:
We'll need to be making enough to cover all monthly bills, retirement savings, child care, the cost of additional health insurance for the baby, and an extra $300-$400 a month for extra baby expenses like diapers, clothes, toys, formula, etc.
We also want to have already saved at least $7K for any prenatal and delivery costs that our insurance may not cover as well as an emergency fund that will cover our bills and necessities for at least 3 months.
I am having a very hard time understanding this concept but you really never do! Try to set goals for yourself like finishing school, getting a good job, buying a house. Set yourself up for a lifestyle that you can bring a kid into and then work real hard and safe and take a leap of faith. That is what I keep hearing lol
We’re still a few years away from TTC but we have a pretty good idea of what we would need before bringing a baby into this world…
Owning our own home: I know that lots of people raise children in rentals but I’d prefer not to. We have a decent sized apartment that we’ve lived in for years and while it could be big enough for a baby, we would be miserable. I also fear that having a baby before owning our home may prolong our stage of renting since it may be more difficult to actually purchase a house after dealing with all of the financial responsibility that comes with being a parent.
Decent savings: Obviously people manage to somehow raise children with next to nothing but that is a situation that I would never want to be in. Even just having the baby is going to cost you a few grand (with standard health insurance) then tack on all of his/her needs (daycare, medicine, food, dr. visits, insurance, clothes, misc necessities) and you could go bankrupt if you’re not prepared. I know a couple who had to resort to selling their personal possessions just to pay the hospital bill from their daughters delivery. I’m not saying that everyone who has a kid needs to have tens of thousands of dollars in savings (though I’m sure no one can argue that that wouldn’t be nice) but some savings is really necessary. I’ve seen firsthand what the stresses of having a baby before you’re financially prepared can cause and it’s not pretty. I don’t ever want to experience that.
Ability to be a SAHM: When we have kids, I’ll be staying home. We could swing it now but that would mean giving up a lot of the extras that we have and I don’t want to do that (I like my HBO damnit! Lol). With the cost of daycare, it wouldn’t even be worth it for me to continue working. I’m not going to pay some center $75 per day to change my kids diapers while I’m only bringing home $100 a week after paying for it. I’d much rather just do without the $100 a week and be home with my kid.
Everyone has a different idea of what “ready” means. For some, just being married “long enough” and being able to support yourself is “ready” but for others, like me, I’d prefer to have more of a game plan in place. The first few years are going to be trying enough without having to add on the extra stress of figuring out how you’re going to pay your bills.
well, first, it depends on your health insurance. to respectfully disagree with @CaitMarae, I contacted my insurance company (BlueCross BlueShield, MA, Blue Care Elect I think) and childbirth and prenatal literally will run us $250 for the hospital admission copay. No copays throughout prenatal. We are lucky, though, in having fantastic health insurance.
We rent - and are lucky enough to rent the other side of my in-laws duplex. Fenced in yard, pool, 3 bed 2 bath etc. Many renters have a worse deal and that's why they pursue home ownership. We are okay with having a baby here, even glad to, because renting gives me the financial leeway to stay home that we wouldn't have if we were both working to afford a mortgage.
As far as baby costs, I expect to have costs, but I am extremely frugal and strict with our budget right now that I don't forsee it being all that much different. I will budget in formula if need be (try to breastfeed), we're cloth diapering (already bought some), etc. We will make adjustments in our own "things" (maybe less money allotted to renting movies, fast food) to put more money toward baby expenses. Here, we're also lucky to have family that will go nuts buying things.
We have only 2000 in savings right now, and I will have student loans (I'll have my MA in may), as well as credit card, but we're doing fine right now.
I think it is an entirely personal decision. Some people make it work with NO money, others can't make it work with milions!
We are waiting until we have a house (as opposed to the apartment we own), I'm completely finished all the schooling I want to do (just finishing up a 1 year certificate, but thinking of going to be an RN) and also we want to do a few more trips prior to having a baby - like Vegas, Europe, Caribbean...we are 26 and 31 and realistically, we won't be TTC for at least 4-5 years.
@sorrycharlie: I'm right there with you. Totally agree on everything you said. Our insurance will only run us the $250 co-pay as well, I'm planning on breastfeeding & cloth diapering. We're fortunate enough to have amazing gracious families and would receive almost everything we need (at least for the first year) at our shower. We have about the same savings, and are living in my parent's in-law apartment. And we are full out TTC.
However, one of the MAJOR +'s in our case is that I work from home already, and so bringing baby home will be a smoother transition while still allowing me to continue working after the first few months or so.
To answer the original question: You never know if/when you're ready. It's one of those things in life where you just decide to do it, jump in with two feet, and make it work.
@sorrycharlie: I’ve known 5 couples who have had babies in the last 2-3 years and all of their hospital bills were atleast $2,000. Some were even more than $3,000 and that was for pretty basic deliveries and prenatal care. They all have standard health insurance so it definitely can be that high. One couple that we know just delivered a few months ago and they have over $4,000 in hospital bills from the delivery and their daughter being sick a few weeks after birth. I’m certainly not going into TTC thinking that I’m going to get away with a $250 copay but it’s fantastic that that’s all that you have to pay. I’m sure our friends would be very jealous! lol
i think is to hard to be completly ready before you decide to have a baby, sometimes everything just works out as the time goes.
so as long as you feel emotionally ready, go for it, everything else will come along( having some savings will allways help,get somo extra space ready too)
good luck
@UpstateCait: oh I'm not saying it can't be that high, just that it might not be. I'd totally advise anyone to call the health ins company, they'll tell you straight up what they cover and what they don't! well..the lady I got was nice. they aren't always, lol!
@UpstateCait: I work in the HR department and deal with a lot of benefits stuff and those numbers seem kind of high to me, but it could depend on the type of birth as well as the area too...for the record, I think 250 is low, but super awesome.
@cubaneli: For us it's just about having some emergency money in savings and enough saved up for me to take maternity leave from my corporate job. I also need to time my pregnancy right so I'm not delivering in the thick of wedding season (I'm a photographer). We rent right now, but we are comfortable renting at least until our child is 2 or 3. I would ideally like to own a home when we have a baby, but it isn't really realistic if we want to have kids while we're still young(ish). Based on our current (proposed) timeline I'd be 26 when I deliver and husband would be 28.
The whole insurance isse comes down to does you plan have a deductible and if your plan has co-insurance. I work with benefits for a living and there are such a variety of plans out there. For myself last yr I had a $3000 deductible and no co-insurance so birth could have cost me up toe $3k if I hadn't already met my deductible. Now I only have a $500 deductible and a 10% co-insurance so if my delivery was 20k I would be paying out $2,500. Just for an example.
So every plan is on an individual basis but it can't hurt to have some extra in savings, and if you don't need it then you can never go wrong with having an extra cushion.
For DH and I, ideally we want to be home owners (will know soon!) and at least be making enough money/getting back enough in taxes so that we can afford daycare on top of a semi normal lifestyle. Right now we have enough in savingis to pay for 1 year of daycare (in NYC so that's a lot of cash!), but I am hoping that at least one of us gets a decent raise or promotion in the next year to supplement childcare costs. Everything else, we're just going to go with the flow.
When the stick turns pink? lol. I don't know, honestly. My mom keeps telling me there is no right time and there is never enough money and you just have to jump in.
But my personal feeling is... look around. People are losing their houses. Losing their jobs. Going bankrupt because they got ill after losing health insurance. Lack of money is actually a SERIOUS problem and not everyone can just "work it out." Obviously. So I think people saying to just DO IT are being a little flippant.
I guess at a minimum I'd like to feel like I have enough for the birth itself + a cushion (maybe at least $5,000-10,000 in savings) + a reasonable belief we can cover the extra expenses of a child like daycare and health insurance and diapers.
I figure the birth itself is kind of an unknown quantity. Our insurance pays for all prenatal and postnatal doctor's visits 100% (after 1 co-insurance amount of $30). Any labwork or whatever is paid at 90%, and the hospital stay is paid at 90%, all of this after the $1000 deductible of course. Plus I'm sure I'd pay for some extras like our insurance only covers 1 ultrasound and I think usually you have more than that. So $1,000 + extras... maybe another $4,000 to be safe so $5,000 for the birth + savings = I want to have at least 10-15,000 in the bank before conceiving.
As for monthly expenses, figure $1200/mo for daycare + $100/mo for extra insurance + $100/mo for diapers = I'd like to have an "extra" $1,500/mo laying around before we seriously talk about having kids.
@moderndaisy: do you know, generally, what kind of tax benefit there is to having children? I hadn't really considered that having children could actually save us money somewhere to offset all the costs (I'm sure it doesn't come anywhere close to making up all the costs but I have no concept if this is like a $500/year benefit on taxes or $5,000/year type thing)
@cubaneli: When you have saved 6 months living expenses, paid off debt and can live off one income without changing your standard of living.
@kate169 & @sorrycharlie: I chalk it up to New York State. It seems like we pay more for everything.
I don't know that you'll ever completely feel ready. DH and I both have good jobs, great health insurance and a decent amount in savings (I am one of those people though, that never feels like our savings account is big enough). I think that you just need to make sure that you can take care of your financial obligations now and still have enough left over/in savings to deal with a lot more expenses.
@CorgiTales: "But my personal feeling is... look around. People are losing their houses. Losing their jobs. Going bankrupt because they got ill after losing health insurance. Lack of money is actually a SERIOUS problem and not everyone can just "work it out." Obviously. So I think people saying to just DO IT are being a little flippant."
My thoughts exactly. Just because you want something doesn’t mean that you should have it. I know a couple who was approaching 30, had been married for a few years and who wanted a baby. They got pregnant, had their child and then reality hit that they simply cannot afford her. Obviously there isn’t a return policy on babies so they’re trying to make it work the best they can but it’s really not a good situation to be in. They love their daughter but I know that they wish they had waited until they were in a better financial situation.
Simple!
Start a spreadsheet with "Salary minus taxes and insurance" at the top. Then list all of your estimated monthly expenses. Add in estimated expenses for the baby (daycare, diapers, college savings fund...). Add in savings for rainy day, life insurance and retirement. Double all of the "flexible" lines (food, clothing, gas, entertainment...etc) because you always end up spending more on those than you think.
If your salaries cover all of these expenses: Congratulations! You're financially ready to have a baby!
@CorgiTales: I read somewhere that you can deduct up to $3K for childcare expenses, but what I meant in my post is that if DH and I become homeowners, we will be paying the same per month in mortgage & maintenance as we have been in rent, but we would actually be able to deduct the majority of the maintenance and the interest on the mortgage, so ultimetly getting some back instead of burning it in the fireplace every month lol!
@moderndaisy: ah, we are already homeowners so we're already doing that. I'll look into the childcare thing but i thought it was almost inconsequential so i didn't really figure it. Like I think at our income level (and i think from posts past you make well over what we do) our credit would be a maximum of $600/year/child. Which I guess is good... but thats like 2 weeks of daycare. Not exactly a windfall lol.
I will say this...you may surprise yourself with how many things you spend money that are non-essential right now. We were like, "Wait, we only pay that much in essential bills right now?" So yes, we'd have to cut back on our going out budget for sure.
We just went through the process of determining if we're financially ready and I'll tell you what we did. We had our:
Absolute Essential Bills - Electric, Gas, Water, Groceries (write more than you think), Cable/Internet (for our sanity, yes, essential), Insurance for Home, Health, Car. It would also include Rent/Mortgage, but our house is paid off. Also any monthly debt - credit cards, student loans, etc.
Preparation Variables - Prenatal Visits, Baby Proofing, Car (I would need a bigger vehicle, FI is paying on his truck still.)
Birth Costs - How much your insurance covers, how little or how much will you possibly pay out of pocket.
After Birth Additional Costs - Baby's Health Insurance, Diapers, Wipes, Food/Milk/Formula, Some clothing (though a lot for year 1 or so will probably be gotten at a shower - also determine if you're cool with consignment/hand-me-down, etc. We are!) Like others have said, a lot of baby stuff will probably be gotten at a shower if you're lucky, or at least is stuff you can find gently used as newborns are so gentle on things.
Also remember - once you are TTC you have AT LEAST 8-9 months to prepare so it won't be a huge shock! That's how we're thinking of it. We're talking about TTC next summer after we've been married a few months. I have fertility issues so our TTC process might possibly be longer but even if it happened in a "normal" timeframe, having a baby is not an immediate thing or addition. You will have some time to plan and implement any necessary budget changes after getting pregnant (not saying a lot, just a bit, lol).
For DH and I, financially ready means we have at least half/three quarters of our student loans paid off, plus have at least 6 months worth of living expenses saved up.
We definitely won't be homeowners, but not because we wouldn't want to be. DH's job requires moving every 3-4 years, so we're not planning on buying for several years simply because it's not practical to continually buy a home only to turn around and sell it 3 years later.
His job is also very, very secure and our healthcare plan makes it free to have a baby, so for us it's more about when we're ready as a couple and the timing of having our baby to not coincide with a move.
everyone always says you never have enough money to have children, so I just picked my own personal financial goal. once I was able to have that amount tucked away in savings, I felt 100% more confident about trying to get pregnant.
I agree that in america having a baby can be expensive even if you have insurance, most people I know paid atleasy $2500-$3000 for their deliveries. But they were happy to pay it since their total bill was over $15,000 but the insurance paid most of it.
If you live in america, I think its important to atleast have good health insurance, and a reliable source of income before having a baby. I dont think you need to have months of savings but obviously it doesnt hurt if you do have it.
Do all you American gals have to pay to deliver in a hospital?
@AllRosesandSunshine: yes, but some insurance companies cover more than others. some companies require a deductible (certain amount you pay before they start to pay for things), others only require co-pays (such as mine), and if you have no insurance at all..you're up a creek! it's very expensive out of pocket unfortunately :(
I was always told there is never a "ready" when it comes to finances and babies and I have somewhat adopted that mind set. We'll see if I change my mind down the road.
thank you so much ladies!
It a lot to think about.
DH is 28 this weekend & I am 21. He really wants to be a dad before he is 30.
We spent every penny we had in our wedding and will be starting a savings this paycheck.
we both have some debt with student loans, he has a car payment & seminary to pay for.
He has a great job and we both have great insurance, though i don't know how much it covers for prenatal & delivery. I am a full time student & my income consists of my ETSY business which is not much but is sure helps.
after reading all of your wonderful input, i think there are some goals I definitely want to achieve before we TTC.
1) I want to finish school- I have a year left. and get a teaching job
2) DH to finish seminary.
3) have at least 10-15 grand in savings
4) be home owners.
i dont know if we can do this in a year and 2 months!! for TTC
I am still young and don't mind waiting a few (3) years to TTC, but DH really wants to be a father before he turns 30! thats Dec. of 2013
thanks ladies, this has certainly given me lots to think about!
i will be calling my insurance on monday to ask many questions! :)
You don't! We were waiting for the "perfect time" and finally decided there is no perfect time. People in worse situations can make it work...and we have stable jobs and a roof over our heads. So we went for it. = )
Here was our checklist:
Additionally, I take prenatal vitamins, and I've started taking much better care of my teeth/gums, and overall health. I feel like if I can do that for at least a year, then my body will be ready.
I agree with the others that said "if you wait until you think you're ready financially, etc., you'll never have kids".
Money doesn't make good parents or a happy childhood. Plenty of kids grow up with parents that are "just getting by" and have wonderful happy childhoods and lives. (In fact, some of the best times are when you have to find things cheap/free to do! Catch frogs and lightening bugs, go hiking, make artwork from things around the house, play tag, etc.!)
haha. I love your post. That's basically what I was going to suggest. Except I was going to say really half what your unncessary expenses are because I'm sure we all spend money on "stuff" than we really need to.
--
I really do agree that there never really is a great financially ready time. Obviously there are those that are no where near financially ready to have a child! I think of my husband's coworker's 18yr old daughter who's a high school drop out. A waitress at a chain restaurant. Her BF is in between jobs. They can't afford to pay their rent and have been evicted numerous times. And yeah...she got pregnant. That's another baby that will be living off the system and being raised by grandma.
But I really do think for the most part, most of us on here can probably have a child now and be fine.
I think what's more important is if you are emotionally ready and if your relationship is ready for a baby.
As for everything else? It's just gravy. There were things that we wanted to have checked off too before TTC. When my BIL passed away almost one year to the day it made us realized that it doesn't matter. At all. We want to start a family together that is more important than my husband switching jobs, me getting my license. Those are all inconsequential to us. To us what is more important is starting our family. That's where the priority is for us.
That's not the case for everyone.
And yeah I would kill to only pay $250 for pregnancy! NOT gonna happen and I'm pretty happy with my insurance as it costs me nothing out of my paycheck right now. I know when my co-workers wife had a baby two years ago her hospital stay for a regular V delivery came to roughly 2K. And for me I've had to pay a copay and deductible for every ultrasound, roughly $100. So right there I know I'm at about $2300 if everything goes A-Ok.
And yupppp NY State!
You hit on the point I wanted to make.
A lot of people say, you're never financially ready, so just be emotionally ready and go for it. I have mega baby fever right now (FI might be a little freaked out, lol). But we're not even married, we'll be living in a tiny apartment. Right now I can barely make rent and pay the essential bills, and I don't even pay health insurance yet because I'm still on my parents' until the wedding. I'm still in school, FI will hopefully get a job next summer (he's in school now) but who knows? And I'm still 2 years from graduating.
If I had a kid this instant, I'd be living completely off the government. Sure, I guess I could, but all these people that "manage" in tought situations? They probably aren't doing it on their own. Sometimes there is no way to "just make it work." I think that the ideal time is when you feel emotionally ready and at least stable enough to pay your bills and not worry about putting food on the table.
well, i am pregnant now (by surprise) and we weren't really as financially prepared as we would haved preferred.
however, i am learning that it is truly possible to havea baby on a budget.
our nursery is almost already full (minus a crib) and we have not had to buy a single thing! so many of my friends have babies our even older kids that they just gave us stuff for free, and we have parents who will be first-time grandparents and they are DYING to buy us presents.
i plan on breastfeeding, and if all goes it planned it shouldn't cost us a dime to feed the baby the first couple months.
we have INCREDIBLE health care, and we have less than 200 dollars to pay after the baby is born, even if I get a c-section.
hubby is going to get 6-7 weeks PAID time off when the baby comes, so we don't have to worry about having a ton of money in savings because we will still have income.
I know this is not everyone's situation, but we are realizing that financially it's a lot easier than everyone makes it seem.
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