When do you know you're too attached?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@FutureMrsHallam:  hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think that’s a little too attached. I’ve never cried when a friend left. I’ve gotten really mad if a guy hurt one of my friends though

Post # 4
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Yeah, I’d say that’s a bit much…I’ve also never cried when a friend left. 

Post # 5
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just a tad attached.I think you need to let go a little bit, let her live her life without judging her on her relationship.

But when my best friend of 15 years moved across the country I was very upset and cried when I said goodbye to her.


Post # 6
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsHallam:  Do you have any other confidants in your family or friends that you 100% trust?  That might be the issue. For example, I lost my mom at 16 years old.  So I feel super close to my Godmother and other women who became like surrogate moms to me.  They are typically around the age my mom would have been if she was still alive.  But I also have friends my age though I don’t confide in them as much as my aunts and godmother.  So I’m wondering if you’re compensating for something else that may be missing in another part of your life.  Is that a possibility?

Post # 7
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrsHallam:  I’m going to admit it.  BFF and I bawled our eyes out when she moved to Chicago but it was also alcohol-fueled crying.  lol  I think you’re fine if not intervening in her relationship.  We all have moments where we think our loved ones could do so much better.  Just remember, it’s her life and it’s her mistakes to make.

Post # 8
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@memo:  +1. I can’t imagine crying when a friend leaves…especially if my man doesn’t give me that same reaction.

Post # 9
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I cried when I found out some of our closest friends were moving away… but it was just that once, and that’s it.

Oh and I cried when my brother’s girlfriend moved away – with my nephew. There’s a lot more reasons to that one though.  

Post # 10
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FutureMrsHallam:  I cried once or twice when we moved and I left a good friend, so I don’t think that’s 100% odd if it isnt effecting your everyday life. Everyone handles sadness in different ways.

However, I would try to scale it back on getting too defensive of her. I know your intentions are good, but just be careful you arent talking smack about her man to her. Some of that responsibility is with her, though: she shouldnt complain about him and not expect people to get a bad impression of him; so it goes both ways.

As a friend, I would be flattered my friend cried when I left…but pretty irritated if she was too defensive of me.

Post # 11
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureMrsHallam:  I think it is perfectly normal to cry when a friend leaves. For me, I have known many of my friends for years longer even some one, almost two decades longer than I have known my husband, so it is natural that I would have really strong feelings about the friendships. Don’t feel bad for feeling a certain way. No one can tell you how you should feel and it’s great that you care so much about your friend.

Post # 12
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

When I left my bestie to move 12 hours away there were a lot of tears from both her and me. My bestie is like a sister to me and it seems that way with you as well. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Post # 13
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t really have any super-close girl friends. But I think I cried when I moved away from my college BFF! We were inseperable.

Post # 15
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsHallam:  In that case I totally understand how losing the level of closeness you used to have with your friend could be hard to take.  I used to think that if you didn’t meet and get close friends in school or college then it was unlikely I would have them.  But now I know that isn’t true.  I have made great friends through work and other activities and I’m in my 30s now and completely finished with school. 

So, not that anyone could ever replace what you have had with your friend.  But I would suggest keeping a positive and open mind to the potential that you will make new friends throughout your life as well.  To use an old saying, some people are around us for “a reason, a season or a lifetime.”  Not many fit into the lifetime category but depending on what phase we’re in they are surely there for a reason and a season. 

My mom used to say that if you have between 1 and 2 good friends in your life at any one time then you are doing good.  And I have found that to be true.  My friends are all over the country and the world, but only 1 or 2 are close around me at this moment.  So it’s ok, I don’t think you’re weird.  I just think you may be slightly grieving the loss of being able to depend on your friend being easily accessible when you needed her and now having to figure out who will you turn to that is nearby when things happen in the future is hard. 

But just keep being the loyal and fun person you are and getting involved in fun things (I loved meetup.com for group hobbies like sports and languages) and you will have plenty of people that will take up the slack. 

Post # 16
8389 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@FutureMrsHallam:  I think some people just show their emotion more readily than others.  I think as long as the attachment isn’t unhealthy (i.e. co-dependent, obsessive, etc), having a little cry when your best friend leaves isn’t the worst thing in the world.  However, take my opinion with a grain of salt because I really never cry at anything, but some of my friends cry at everything, so it doesn’t seem that abnormal.

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