- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
Ok, so I thought about going anon but why, I already am. You don’t really know me.
Anyway, I guess I should give a little back story, I was married when I was 20 to my best friend at the time. We were completely not right for each other but our marriage did produce two beautiful children who I love with all my heart. And I wish my ex-husband nothing but the best. When he decided he didnt want to be married to a woman anymore, after 3 1/2 years of marriage, I mourned the loss a little but really was not hurting like some would be over the loss of a marriage. Given that he finally decided he was gay, and I had secretly known this all along, I think helped me get over it.
Obviously it was easy for me to move on pretty quickly however I did not want a commited relationship because we had been together since I was 17 and I just wanted some freedom. I was sent to Charlotte for work and spent about 9 months going between home and there. While I was there I met a man and fell head over heels. He would have married me immediately but again, I was not ready for any of that. So I asked him could we keep it light. He said he was ok with it so we enjoyed ourselves for quite a while. It was pretty easy as I was back and forth and he is a truck driver so he was gone a bit too.
Onto Dec and I met my FI, I knew immediately that he was put on this earth for me. However, still afraid of the commitment on both ends and the fact that he had just finished basic training, it was easy for us to keep what was between us mainly platonic. I pretty much broke it off with guy #2, while still loving him very much, I knew he needed to move on to someone else. And that he did. He is now married and has a 5 year old son. Very happy for him.
Fast forward to 3 days ago and married guy messages me through an old email. Asked how I was, how my oldest two kids were, etc. I messaged back the normal we are doing well, busy life, etc. and I pretty much thought that was that but later that night, I was online checking this email and it is linked to a messanger. Well the next thing I knew it was popping up with a message from him telling me he would like to talk to me for a bit. So after debating for a minute or two I asked him what was up. He proceeds to tell me how, even though he loves his wife very much, he is still 100% in love with me, thinks about me all the time, etc. He knows that it would take an act of God for us to ever be together but that he would like to still talk to me often and not lose touch with me again. Not really knowing what to say, I have ignored his messages over the last few days for hours on end, trying to keep responses light, definitely not returning some of the feelings that he has mentioned.
My concern, if I continue to let him keep this up, am I giving him false hope? And even more so, when does just chatting as old friends cross the line to be emotional cheating? I do still have feelings for him, and definitely in an alternate universe (if we were free) I would jump right in with him. I just know how I would feel if I found out my FI was talking to someone like he has been talking to me (in fact it did happen, a couple of years ago, but that’s another story). I keep thinking how his wife would feel if she found this out. He keeps saying it is just talking, but I really think I should just back away.