When does Sex stop hurting?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If could be that you are allergic to the lubricant you are using. Try a natural one. But, I bet if you make sure you are aroused enough that you are making your own lubrication, then it like is FAR less likely to be painful. 

Post # 3
5209 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

EmmeW:  Wait until the soreness goes away completely before trying again. A broken hymen is a wound and it needs a little time to heal. Once your body adjusts to its new condition (?) the sex will become more enjoyable. 

Post # 4
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Catal Restaurant

Wee first off, congrats on your wedding! lol. 

As for the pain, everyone is different.  Occassionally it still hurts me depending on the position.  I would recommend you keep using lube and maybe try having him stimulate you with his fingers first.  Also, never be afraid to let him know that you are in pain and need to take it alittle slow.  Your first 5 times will probably be uncomfortable.  Hopefully after that you aren’t feeling much pain.  I feel awkward saying this, but if your husband is on the larger side it may take awhile for you to get use to him.  Good luck!

Post # 5
7886 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

EmmeW:  Like you, we waited. It took about 10 tries for him to get all the way in. Before then I had to stop him because of the pain. After that it was fine. So I think it will pass pretty soon.

In the meantime, only go in as far as you can handle, take it slow, and use lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of lube. You might also want to consider pleasuring each other in other ways 🙂 (Or do that first: if you’ve already orgasmed yourself, you should be pretty wet).

Post # 6
938 posts
Busy bee

It was painful up until the fourth or fifth time, if I remember correctly…. I’d encourage more foreplay FOR YOU. have him do oral or finger stimulation on you first before penetration. See if that helps. 

Post # 7
45278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is so much misinformation out there including the “broken or torn hymen”.

1. No one really knows why female babies are born with hymens. All we know is that they are. At birth, the doughnut-shaped membrane is prominent and thick, but that changes pretty rapidly. Judy Blume: Crucial Sex Education For Young Girls

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2. Hymenal tissue is usually worn away by adolescence. During the early years, the membrane thins and widens as a result of athletics, self-exploration, cleansing and even activity as simple as walking. A little of the tissue may remain around the vaginal opening, but that’s usually it. Which means…  

3. The pain experienced by many women during their first time is not because the hymen is breaking. That urban legend you’ve most likely heard about? It was actually a big ol’ myth. Most of the membrane is already worn away when a woman finally has intercourse, and plays little to no role discomfort. Many gals believe their initial sexual experience is going to be unpleasant, because that is what they’ve been told, so it is. It makes sense when you think about it. When we think something will hurt, we feel anxious and tense which ultimately gives way to pain. So… What My First Time Taught Me About Sex

4. Those “bloody sheets” are not because the hymen is tearing, either. Most young partners are not experienced love-makers. Those first times are usually less skilled and sensual, and more trial and error. Hurried, poorly-lubricated or rough sex can cause sensitive vaginal tissue to bleed, but not hymenal tissue to break. The Smoking-Hot Reason To Avoid First-Date Sex

5. The intact hymenal membrane does not cover the whole vaginal opening. If it did, girls who still had bits of the hymen left at puberty would not be able to menstruate.

6. About one in 200 women have an imperforate hymen. That means around 0.5% of hymens don’t wear away normally and have openings too small for tampons or erections to comfortably enter the vagina. These days, in those cases, a fairly simple surgery is required to snip away some of the membrane. Hooray for modern medicine, right?

7. Throughout time, people have gone to great lengths to find proof that the hymen was indeed broken after marriage. In old cultures, newlyweds were expected to hand over bloody sheets after the wedding night to 1. confirm that the hymen had ripped, 2. make sure the woman was a virgin and 3. check that the two had consummated the union. A little nosy, don’t you think? Many brides didn’t even risk it, they would simply cut the inside of their thighs with a sharp fingernail to soil the sheets—just in case.

If both of you were virgins, you both need to take some time and earn how to arouse  or “turn on”each other. It is only when you are sufficiently sexually aroused that your body will produce enough natural lubricant, so that intercourse is not uncomfortable. As a pp has said, some artificial lubrciants can be irritants in themselves.

Why not take a short break from intercourse and learn how to arouse each other exploring your partners body with your hands, lips, tongue etc. It will be worth it to learn what turns your partner on.


Post # 8
7812 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s normal. I recall being extremely sore after the first few times. It does get better!

Post # 9
18623 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It is completely normal.  Give yourself a few days to adjust and feel better before trying again.  My husband and I have been together for a long time and it still hurts sometimes when we haven’t been intimate in a while.  Just like any other muscle, it takes some work for it to get loosened up.

Post # 10
304 posts
Helper bee

Sex has never been painful for me – not even the first time.  You need to be relaxed and turned on and as others have said, get your husband to give you plenty of foreplay.  He should use his finger/s (and tongue if you want) and get you to the point where you really really want him to “take” you… 

Post # 11
1653 posts
Bumble bee

 I second the advice to relax. The first several times I was so nervous and uncertain it was very painful. I couldn’t believe that people actually enjoyed sex. Once I got more comfortable (and was somewhat tipsy) I finally understood what all fuss was about. Enjoy the journey and don’t rush things

Post # 12
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If you were using condoms, latex can definitely make it more uncomfortable/painful for you. I lost my virginity much younger and I found out the hard way I was allergic to latex. I thought sex would never be enjoyable, but once I switched to a non-latex condom it felt so much better. But you do really need to relax because those muscles will tighten up and cause you to feel like you’re in more pain. Just take things slow and eventually it gets better!

Post # 13
4921 posts
Honey bee

EmmeW:  Being relaxed and calm helps.  The first time for me did hurt, I was scared and slightly forced into having sex this person.  It ended up being a very good learning experience for me, but it was a terrible way to learn.  Every time after that was fine, but I was calm and not nervous.  The only time it’s ever been uncomfortable was when I wasn’t properly lubricated, enough foreplay wasn’t done, (or however you want to say it) and I wasn’t enjoying it or wasn’t ready.  I think because this is the first time you’ve had sex, it won’t be the best, but it will get easier and won’t hurt as much.

Post # 14
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Oh goodness, of course it stops being painful – and soon!! Just make sure you’re relaxed and don’t just let him barge up in there – if he’s not spending some time warming your oven, then that could cause a lot of the pain/tenseness. 

This is a total sidenote/rant, but I always wonder why people wait and then have terrible, painful sex on their wedding night. It totally changes the connotation of the act from something that’s supposed to be fun, awesome, and loving into something that’s shameful and painful. That said, I’m certainly not trying to be insensitive about other people’s religions or beliefs. I just personally have a hard time buying into the reasoning spouted off by particular establishments (ahem, the church is supposed to tell me what I do with my body? Say what?)

This post really reminded me of this article on XO Jane about how the church ties guilt and shame with sex and often that doesn’t dissipate after marriage. I know not everyone will agree with it, but  I found it to be incredibly thought provoking! http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge?utm_source=yourtango&utm_medium=mainlink&utm_medium=syndication 

Post # 15
1800 posts
Buzzing bee

first  off: the first time, you are NOT alone. For me, it hurt so bad I teared up and napped for 2 hours afterwards

second: regardless of me being sexually active for….10 years(damn lol) if I am not wet enough, it will always hurt, regardless of position.

third: I have VERY sensitive skin. Detergents drive my skin nuts, ALL condoms irritate my skin, and unless the lube is water-based, I will have burning flames down there. Find a water based lube or all natural one (not silicone based) and use it on yourself…..with one finger, 2 fingers, then a toy to ease yourself to the feeling.

fourth: foreplay foreplay foreplay. People joke about it not being important….oh yes it is!! After you find out your tics and your quirks, you can better tell your hubby what turns you on. Some people can get wet from kissing, visual stimulation, etc.

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