When does the guest list stop?!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  

I’ll be sending out my invites within a month and still find that we’re adding people. I don’t think it really stops till the invites are out. When inviting people, can you imagine gettng married without that person there? Yes? Then don’t invite.

People will understand if they’re not invited, or if you end up having space you can invite them after. We have 159 people on our list, expecting roughly 125-130 people to show up.

Post # 3
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

How long have you been out of HS? I’ve got a ton of acquaitances from HS, but that was 10+ years ago. We only keep in touch via FB, no way they’re getting invites. Quite honestly, anyone who falls under the acquaintance category, put on the C-list, if at all. 

If you have to second guess inviting someone, they don’t necessarily need to make the cut. People understand that weddings are not a free for all. 

Post # 4
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

jessicamullersdayoff:  (Maximum number) – (number of relatives you must invite) = (number of friends you can invite)

So if for instance you must invite 160 people, that means you can only invite 15 friends. Make a list and draw the line at 15. Unfortunately you sometimes need to be ruthless when doing your invite list. Some friends couldn’t invite us to their wedding, and we couldn’t invite some friends to ours. It didn’t stop us being friends.

With work colleagues, sometimes it’s safe to just invite none. then at least you’re treating them all equally.

Post # 5
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Fortunately for me, FI has a spine of steel. We are at 127 (including the 3 vendors we’re feeding). Every few days, I’ll say, “Hey babe, what about so-and-so?” And the response is the same every time, “No. I’m not paying $xxx to feed them. I like so-and-so, but not *that* much.”

And you know, I’ve agreed every time. We’re paying ourselves, and we wanted top of the line everything, so that means that the guest list stays where it is.

I guess you just have to be good at following your own rules.

Post # 6
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  Our venue can hold 100 people. The family that we see regularly are all invited (otherwise the guestlist would have skyrocketed over 500), but not random 3rd cousins. I actually don’t have any HS friends invited, and FI only has a few that he has stayed close friends with since then. Only one work collegue is getting an invite, and that’s because they are also a close friend of FI for a couple years. I’m not inviting any work people because if I wanted to avoid any hurt feelings I would need to add in probably 30 people. 

Don’t hesitate to cut people! Only invite those who you really want to be there – those people who, if you looked out over the ceremony audience, you would be truly happy to see them there and you would be truly saddened if they weren’t. That should also keep numbers down. 

We are inviting exactly 100 people, and expecting 75 to show. 

Post # 9
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

  it doesn’t even stop once invites are out. Our wedding is in three weeks and FMIL added someone to the list this week. It’s ridiculous! We ended up inviting around 30 people more than originally planned. Now just hoping our last straggling RSVPs are all no’s!

Post # 10
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  but you have a limit, just like me. Pick a number and stick to it, was my point. My venue does 100-150. We chose 125 guests for both cost and comfort. And we don’t have a “b list”. You either made the initial cut or you didn’t. FI and I sat down for 2 hours and made the list, and that was that. 

Post # 12
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

winterwoodlandbride15:  Perfectly said. If I can see myself without them there, done. 

We actually have an A list and B list. LOL.

Post # 13
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Re: coworkers, I think the best rule of thumb is do/would you hang out with this person outside of work? Obviously works better for some workplaces than others, but for example there are 30 people in my department, 2 of which are invited to my wedding because they’ve been to my house, I’ve been to their houses, we go out together sometimes etc so I consider them friends as well as coworkers. 

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