Post # 1
How do you handle it? End the friendship, confront private, confront publically or ignore?
One friend posts statuses from a UK-based FB page (she’s British) where 85 percent of the content is anti-Muslim, ie Muslims are ruining our country. Ironically, she knows I’m dating a Muslim and is supportive of the relationship, in fact she told me to marry him and make babies with him when we had only been dating for a few months (advice I did not take).
The other friend comes from a very Christian country where homosexuality is illegal. I figured he wasn’t exactly going to be pro-gay marriage or anything but he posted a status that made my stomach turn. He basically said, ” I hate and despise all gay people because they are the spawn of Satan.” I can understand not agreeing with or not supporting, especially given his cultural background and upbringing, but literally hating someone for what they do in the privacy of their bedroom?
I haven’t done anything about either but it’s really bugging me. I don’t believe in calling someone out publically because, while satisfying, it just leads to dramaz and isn’t productive. I’m more inclined to try and have a private conversation with the individuals. Has anyone done that? What would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@worldtraveler: You can hide the individual posts or hide all of their posts or unfriend them. I unfriended a lot of people during the last election cycle based on their racist and uneducated comments.
Post # 4
Hmm.. I’d probably un friend them and not contact them anymore. If they question it, go ahead and let them know that you were offended by what they said and have no room for that kind of hatred in your life.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I would advise against having a private conversation unless the gist of it is that you would prefer they kept their racist/homophobic comments to themselves and not share them with you.
Post # 6
I come from a fairly conservative town (I am very liberal), so I have a lot of friends who I disagree with in terms of political issues. Welfare, education, abortion, you name it. One thing I cannot and do not tolerate, though, is bigotry – whether it’s against women, people of other races/religions or gay people. Whenever I see something like you’ve outlined above posted on Facebook, I immediately de-friend that person. It’s disgusting and I do not want to be associated in any way shape or form with people who think these things. Luckily, none of the people I have de-friended have been good friends off-line, so it hasn’t caused any real issues. I honestly would have a very hard time being friends with someone who thinks the things you mentioned; if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about what to do on Facebook – I would be thinking about whether or not these people belong in your life at all. Online and off.
Post # 7
If I don’t like what someone posts, but don’t feel it’s enough to cut contact, I just go to their Facebook page and uncheck what updates I get from them. I’ve done that with people who posted too many posts about sex, too many posts about politics, too many posts about homosexuality, too many posts about religion, too many inspirational quotes, nearly any post of drug use or getting drunk, and people who I just didn’t like seeing in my feed all the time.
it’s not hard to do, they don’t need to know, and I still go to their pages when I feel like it. Easy peasy — problem solved.
Post # 8
I would unfriend them. In my experience, none of my really good friends would be my really good friends if they were bigots in any way.
I was casual friends with this girl from work who happened to post “Don’t lie, I know I am not the only one who gets scared when I see turbanheads on a plane.”
That pissed me off for several reasons – the number one being that I am from one of the biggest muslim populated cities in the country. I thought that was so stupid & incredibly narrowminded.
I deleted her, and I know she felt like a total dick when I saw her.
Post # 9
I delete them. I’m too old to have that crap in my life.
Post # 10
My policy is this: I make one comment, respectful and questioning. As in – you know I’m dating a Muslim, right? What if they were all like him? Have you considered maybe Muslims are more like my boyfriend than the picture painted in the media?
If I get a combative or really pissy response, un-friend them and that’s that. No time for that. If they tone it down, they get a second chance.
Post # 12
I unfriend. I keeps people as friends and hide their posts if they post stuff that annoys me, but if you are being offensive and biggoted I unfriend every tim, I have no space for that in my life.
Post # 13
I ignore unless it’s really really offensive or rude. I live in the South now and some things I read on FB make my skin crawl. I usually ignore and in some cases, I just hide their info (like my aunt-in-law [is that a real thing] that posts Jesus stuff and anti abortion bloody fetuses, etc. ) but if it’s REALLY bad and upsets me that much, I just delete the friend. I don’t confront people about things but if they ask, I’ll tell them.
Once can be written off as a lapse in judgement but more than that can really start to be a bother, especially given the situations. People can do what they want, but that doesn’t mean you have to agree or take it. Choose whatever feels best for you.
Post # 14
I couldn’t be friends with people like that.
Post # 15
@worldtraveler: It depends how important the friendships are to you. Is it important to you to agree with everything your friends say? I don’t agree with everything my friends say and I’m okay with that – it makes life interesting. Just because their opinion is controversial doesn’t mean that you are right and they are wrong…it just means that you disagree.
Can you separate who the person is as a friend versus how they feel about one particular issue? If you can’t, then I guess you can’t be friends. If you can, then I’d just ignore it and move on. I don’t think it’s important to call people on every single thing I disagree with. What’s the point in that? Will it change them? No. Will it annoy them and possibly make them end the friendship before you can? Maybe.
Only you can answer this question.
Post # 16
You can hid their status updates and remind yourself that the sum of a person is not held within one facebook status they post. :/