When grandparents think they're the parents!

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t think that by buying a stocking and asking how you are and about your plans etc that she thinks she’s the parent, but obviously she’s excited and trying to be involved. I think you should try to let this stuff go a bit and not take it so seriously. Grandparents like to buy their grandchildren things. Why not respond about the stocking and say that’s so cute! It will be perfect for Grandma’s house! Let her buy what she wants, you can have more than one “my first halloween outfit” it’s not going to kill you. But arguing with her over petty things might! lol

Now.. if she was instructing you on how you should give birth, and how you should parent, than I’d say we have a different problem altogether.

Post # 4
7185 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I say just because she buys them, you don’t have to use them.

Post # 5
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

When I read your title I thought that you were going to say she’s undermining you as a parent, or telling you you’re not doing a good job, or spanking your kids in front of you or something like that. Honestly, while I can see how it’s annoying to you, I think you might be making a little bit too big a deal out of it. Like PP said, you don’t have to use the stuff she buys. I’m sure she’s excited about the baby too. And she’s allowed to be excited. She’s the grandmother. 

Post # 6
9856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@eecuadrado:  Is this her first grandbaby?  My mom was/is the same way with my nephew.  Drives my sister bonkers.  My sister doesn’t have the guts to stand up to her and say no. 

While it’s annoying, I think you have to be careful not to stifle her enthusiasm, this is very exciting for her too.

IF you and DH are on the same page, I think HE should have a chat with her about her role and things that you want to do and things that you would like her to do.  I’m sure she means well and probably has no idea she’s stepping outside her ‘territory’ or invading yours.

Post # 8
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I wonder if there is something specific you could ask her for help with? It sounds like she is overstepping her bounds a little bit, but that she’s just excited, and wants to be involved. If there is something specific that you could use help with, or that you wouldn’t mind giving her control over, then that might be a good “vent” for her to express her grandmotherly feelings for the baby.

For example, you could ask for help researching car seats, or if she’s a crafter, you could ask her to make a nice quilt for the nursery in the colors you’ve chosen. Could she plan a shower? It sounds like she just wants to be involved, and doesn’t know how to do that without being overbearing.

Post # 10
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Trying to stop grandparents from buying cute things for their grandkids is like trying to stop a train by standing in front of it.  It’s going to happen, and you can decide whether you want to use those items or buy your own.  I think the idea of them keeping the stocking at their house for when you visit is a good idea.  My parents cleaned out their storage room last year and we uncovered sooo many keepsakes and gifts from both sets of my grandparents.  We found tons of multiples, like “baby’s first [insert event here]” picture frames, piggy banks, etc….many of which I had never even seen before.  Don’t read too much into it, she probably means well.  If it gets really annoying or out of hand, have your FI bring it up with her and see if they can establish some boundaries.

Post # 11
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@eecuadrado:  Honestly, I think you need to chill. No one can take over parenting your kid unless you let them. You’re not competing here. She’s just excited. And really, learn to share a little. She bought your kid a stocking…horrors! I get that you don’t want her horning in every second and yeah, you may have to set some boundaries but keep it in perspective. These things are not worth major drama. Your husband is right – say thanks for the stocking and put it away. 

Post # 12
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@eecuadrado:  For anything she buys:

“That’s great. I am sure he will love having that when he comes over to visit.”

If she drops it off or brings it over, say this:

“Why don’t you keep that at your house so he has *insert item here* when he visits.”

Hopefully that helps.

Post # 14
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you say, “Aww, this is great. He can play with this when he comes to visit at your house.” Then maybe she will not buy so many things for the baby because her house is going to be full of baby things that she has no use for (currently) – hopefully that will help solve the dilemma but be gracious and accepting all the while. Eventually she will back off a bit. If not, then you just slowly back her off by not talking to her as often. Say you are busy – whether you are busy resting, taking a bath, or watching your favorite show/movie is none of her business – you are busy. She sounds excited though and that is important.

Post # 16
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@eecuadrado:  Whether you want her to or not, she’s going to buy his “Firsts”.  All the things you wanted to.  Accept it, take a deep breath and let it go. Just because she buys his “first stocking” doesn’t mean you have to use it!  (She can keep that at her house!)

My mom is the same way. It isn’t worth getting upset about (because you’ll be upset constantly if she is anything like my mom).  You just say aw thanks and then secretly go off and buy your own first halloween costume!

My mom plopped a box down in front of me the first time I saw her after telling her I was pregnnat and said, here is baby’s coming home outfit.  I knew to expect it snce she did it for my sis, but it still is obnoxious I know!  The outfit isn’t even cute lol!  Anyways, my point is, it will be “forgotten” from the hospital bag and baby can wear it for a photo opp or on a day when my mom comes over to the house to see her.  No big deal, once you accept it and let it go!

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