Post # 1
I have recently ended my engagement and really want to make sure I am strong and don’t second guess my feelings in my next relationship. My ex FI would deny EVERYTHING and I felt I could never get through to him about how much he hurt me (he was reluctant to get engaged then married for at least 3 years). I tried to get to the bottom of WHY he was so reluctant but I’m still not any closer to getting any answers. I pushed him so much to give me answers because although his words were always “of course I want to marry you, there is nothing I want more” “I don’t have doubts, I am ready” I had a sense he wasn’t being totally honest. I didn’t trust myself though and wasted so much more time than I needed to and now I’m 34! I guess I’m wanting to know how you have KNOWN instinctively someone was not being honest with you? What are the signs I should watch out for? Body language, eye contact? It has been the most upsetting and frustrating thing I have been through when someone tells you they want to marry you then when you try to organise anything they make excuses and put a stop to anything happening.
Post # 3
Trust your gut.
They’ve got the furtive eyes or the unnatural pauses or the story doesn’t feel right or whatever it is…sometimes you can’t quite put your finger on what it is that’s making your stomach twist.
If you know you’re not the kind of person to just suspecct EVERYONE of being dishonest, trust your gut. Never steered me wrong and once it even saved my life!
Post # 4
The answer is… You shouldn’t have to ask. You will know.
I didn’t have to ask and we are getting married on Saturday after a two year engagement and being together 3 years before that. He has never once made doubt or question if this is what he wants.
Post # 5
I was in a LDR with a guy who was divorced with 2 kids. He came to my area for work alot, but he always had to be home over the weekends (usually some sort of kid emergency or event).
We dated for 4 months, I tried to break up with him 2 times. But he always pursued me. I ended up moving for grad school. But right before I left, he was transfered overseas (military). He would contact me every once in awhile.
Fast forward 6 months…his ex-wife calls me and wants to know why he has a picture of me (not even anything sexy, just a picture of me). I get huffy and say, “You’re the exwife and have no reason to be mad he’s dating me” She explains she has every reason to be mad–she is his WIFE (not ex) and he as 3 kids…WHAAAAA?
So she and I started to talk. Everything he told me was a lie…times he was on business trips, he’d tell her he was in one place, he’d tell me another. At one point he brought his family up (i was going away for the weekend) for a vacation and put them up in a hotel 1-2 miles from my home. He gave me earrings a friend had given her. Yeah, total a$$.
But my gut the entire time was telling me something is wrong, but I kept dismissing it. So now I listen all the time. I’ve gotten so good at listening, I ‘hear’ it without realizing I hear it. DH is an ex-smoker. Every time he has tried to sneak a pack of cigerettes into the house, I always find them. I will for some strange reason go into a drawer I never go into or check his bag for something else.
But the best part of what you’ve gone through, is now you know. And 34 isn’t that old. I met DH at 38 and married at 40.
Post # 6
Thanks for the responses. Yes I need to listen to my gut and act on it faster than I have in the past.