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When He lies I...

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
  • poll: When your fiance lies to you it tends to be
    about something trivial he doesn't want to get caught in : (31 votes)
    56 %
    something serious that he really screwed up with : (5 votes)
    9 %
    a pattern I can count on in the future... get help soon! : (5 votes)
    9 %
    a one time thing once he sees how hurt you are : (14 votes)
    25 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    370 posts
    Helper bee
    ToasterCat    October 9, 2011   Milwaukee, Wisconsin

    Has your Fiance ever fibbed to you about anything? Mine has a tendency to lie out of convenience for himself sometimes. It's never even about anything big, but the fact that he thinks it's ok really worries me and just turns my stomach to think about whatever else he thinks it's fine to fib about. Aside from that, I KNOW when he is lying EVERY time. I swear he thinks I don't know all of his tricks sometimes... Anyway, it's really hurtful and right now I am very upset. Any words of wisdom from you ladies who have experienced something similar? What to do? :(

     
    2.
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    Beekeeper
    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    No, DH has never lied, but he's left stuff out in order to avoid a fight before. He only did this a couple times early on in the relationship until he realized that doing that actually made things worse than if he had just been upfront in the first place. My only advice is to tell him that while the truth might be hard to deal with at first, you will ultimately be easier on him for being honest than if he lies. 

     
    3.
    Member
    370 posts
    Helper bee
    ToasterCat    October 9, 2011   Milwaukee, Wisconsin

    Sigh, I did say that to him, but all I got in return was a glib "Ok, sorry, I screwed up" and then he turned back to his book... yucky and unsatisfying...

     
    4.
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    1,519 posts
    Bumble bee
    aunt pol    May 7, 2011   Ireland

    Make him sit down and watch a couple episodes of any tv series. The lie will Always come out, and its Always worse for it! Also, if you plan to have children, you need to prod him on that, about being a good influence etc.

     
    5.
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    370 posts
    Helper bee
    ToasterCat    October 9, 2011   Milwaukee, Wisconsin

    I think the problem right now is that he knows what he is doing is Uber wrong, but he doesn't want to deal with it right now so he shuts down... It's very frustrating and I thought we were over that kind of childish behavior. Ick.

     
    6.
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee
    chocolatemalt    July 25, 2010   Austin, TX

    What does he lie about? I can't think of a time when my husband has lied to me, though I know he must have at some point. I agree that if he was casually lying that would make me feel really weird. Have you guys thought about doing pre-marital counseling? Maybe this is something you could bring up in that setting.

     
    7.
    Member
    1,143 posts
    Bumble bee
    BunnyBrideToBe    December 3, 2011   Boston, MA

    Our one big huge fight ever, the only one that brought us close to ending our relationship, was about his pattern of [usually minor] lies to keep himself out of "getting in trouble" with me.  Not okay.

    We ended up going to counseling and it helped so, so much--couples counseling can be wonderful! FI is also pursuing individual counseling and it's helping him a lot in other ways, too.  I saw a counselor for a number of years and may eventually go back, too; I think it is invaluable to have a third party to bounce ideas off of and to ask questions that you might not ask yourself.

     
    8.
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    405 posts
    Helper bee
    Carpie    May 28, 2011  

    I feel like my FI lies to me about little things now and then. It's almost stuff that a kid would lie to a parent about. I don't appreciate it at all and have told him that but I honestly feel I can trust him with big things. I've NEVER felt like he lies to me about where he is or what he's doing.

    Some things I think he isn't always truthful about are money situations. I'm a full time student and I make very little so until I graduate (next may!) so much of the financial stuff falls to him and I feel bad about it. I think it's a little tough and he doesn't want me to worry about it so he plays it off like everything is fine. I'm not too worried about this though because when we're married I will be making more and we will share finances so it'll be better.

     
    9.
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    Blushing bee
    Bride2BeAshley    November 7, 2011   kingston, ontario, canada

    hes pretty honest with me whether i like it or hate it, which i love and hate, oddly enough :s thats why i love him... he lacks the filter between the thoughts in his head and his mouth

     
    10.
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    5,191 posts
    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    My husband kept something huge from me once when we were dating for about a year. I wouldn't say he outright lied, but he didn't tell me about it either. Definitely was not ok, and he almost lost me over it...so I think he's learned his lesson at this point.

    I'm also curious to know what your FI is lying about. And if my husband ever dismissed me like that, there would be heck to pay. Especially if he had just lied to me about something. He needs to understand that there are consequences for his lying, and one of those might be losing you if he doesn't cut it out.

     
    11.
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    1,675 posts
    Bumble bee
    mcnetn3    August 13, 2011   North Carolina

    MY FI lied to me about where he was and what he was doing the whole month he was looking at engagement rings, but I accept that kind of lie just fine.  Other than that, he doesn't lie, and if he does, he's so good at it I don't know.  We live together and spend tons of time together, so I'm not really sure what he'd have to lie about anyways.  Any lying is just unnecessary, IMO.  What's the point in it?  It's definitely not a good foundation for any kind of relationship, even with petty lies.

     
    12.
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    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    @mcnetn3: You're right! I forgot about him fibbing when he was looking for my engagement ring for me. That was definitely the only other time he has ever knowingly lied to me as well, but that was sort of sweet...

     
    13.
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    985 posts
    Busy bee
    Violet Violet    July 2, 2011   CT/NY

    I've caught him lying to me once, and it was stupid. We now have a running joke about me joining the CIA. Wink

     
    14.
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee
    gwtwlvr12    Dec. 19, 2010   Malibu

    This is an interesting post... my FI has never lied about anything major, but he is guilty of white lies. And boy do they drive me nuts! Most of our silly fights are due to the fact that he'll lie about something to make me happy. It's very dumb things; our most recent was that I took him out to dinner at a fancy restaurant for his birthday in April and I just found out that he didn't really like the food, but told me he did because he knew how much I liked it. It seems so silly when I type it, but I hate being under false impressions, no matter how small. So, yes he lies, and when I find out, we have a discussion. But, hey, if that's the worst of it, I won't complain too much Smile

     
    15.
    Member
    2,188 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Rgeddy    June 13, 2010   Raleigh, NC

    my DH has never lied to me.  That I know of course.  I trust him.  I suspect if he did it'd be over something trivial - like eating junk food!

     
    16.
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    1 posts
    Wannabee
    weddingbeenaomi    May 11, 2013  

    My fiance has admitted to me tonight that the reason our plans together have not really been started is that he loaned a large amount of money to his boss and he has been waiting till he gets this money back before he lives with me. I am very upset and dissapointed. What else would he lie to me about, he says nothing else, I dunno.

     
    17.
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    Steampunk Angel    September 14, 2012   Northern VA/Australia

    My fiance is generally an honest person, which I love because sometimes he's honest in a surprising, refreshing way XD But he does lie sometimes, when he is afraid.  Once when he had switched jobs and wasn't getting a check from old or new job until after the rent cut off date, he lied until the last day about having enough money for his share of the rent.  He was ashamed that he felt it meant he couldn't "support me" :) I was like honey you are getting paid by two jobs it just fell wrong, you have got to tell me these things because we are a team!  I got you and you got me :)

     

    Then he will lie because he's embarrassed of the truth or he thinks I will judge him.  I'm like honey I love you, don't be embarrassed of who you are!!  I love this man lol :)

     
    18.
    Member
    1,134 posts
    Bumble bee
    sweetpea87    January 14, 2012  

    I don't know that DH has ever lied about something big. If I ask if he ate the last cookie, "No..." but there's only two of us in the house. Something like that? He delayed telling me some stuff 4 or 5 years ago, but it's because he didn't think it was a big deal. When he told me, it was mentioning it in passing, not because I thought to ask. Maybe he has to make me feel better about something, and I never knew about it?

     

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