When Is A Relationship "Official?"

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@megz06:  I am in the camp that you aren’t official until you have the conversation where both of you agree you are exclusive.  For my FH and I, it happened after we had been dating for a few months (2-3 but I’m not sure exactly.)  However, he didn’t meet my family until after we were exclusive because I don’t believe in bringing random people/dates to family get togethers.  If they are worth bringing home, they are worth establishing a relationship with; otherwise, I wouldn’t bring them home at all.

Post # 4
825 posts
Busy bee

I think it depends on the person, and the relationship. My last SO and I never had a definite the relationship (DTR) talk. We kissed on the first date, didn’t have sex for the first 6 months, and I was always his girlfriend after the second date.

With FI we kissed on the first date, had sex on the fifth or sixth date and didn’t become Facebook official until we were engaged. On our third date I made it clear that I didn’t have sex with people who I wasn’t dating monogamously. It was the closest we had to a DTR.

So I guess it’s official when we have a DTR and decide to see each other exclusively.

Post # 5
80 posts
Worker bee

For me, our relationship wasn’t “official” until he called me his girlfriend. More specifically, one of my girlfriends was asking who he was, and I asked him, “What should I tell her?” And he replied, “Tell her I’m your boyfriend.” It was about after five dates. Every couple moves at a different pace, though, and not everyone is comfortable committing so soon. 

Post # 6
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It isn’t offical until the two people in the relationship decided it is. I don’t think there is anything wrong with people wanting to take their time to make up thier minds on that.

My Borther drives me insane because he has this girl who he dated for months, who had to introduce her self to me, who never met our parents. yet she sleeps at his house, cooks, cleans, and she wasn’t even brought as a plus one to my wedding.

I guess I feel bad for her because she clearly want the girlfriend title, and my brother said it’s casual and said be been honest with her, and it’s her choice to stick around. After a year of this I think she got the message because he recently told me that they haven’t hung out that much this summer. I love my brother and I am always on his side, but I don’t  blame her one bit! She was way too nice to not be invited to family events, and be exclusive, which they were even if he wouldn’t call her his girlfriend.

Post # 7
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I think there either needs to be a convo about exclusivity, or that bith parties are on board introducing the other as boyfriend/girlfriend.

FH and I had an awkward few months where we referred to eachother as friends. Once others started to refer to us as a couple, we were like, “okay yes, that’s what we are!”

*we were very young, lol

Post # 8
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

After our first date, we spent pretty much all our time outside of work together. So we were unofficially exclusive for a while. We had “the talk” about two weeks in where we agreed that we were exclusive and boyfriend and girlfriend. We celebrate our anniversary as our first date though.

Post # 9
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Good question! My SO and I kissed on our first date and have been official ever since (but we were friends for 6 months before we first went out on a date). I don’t even remember if we ever had “the talk” – the boyfriend/girlfriend thing just naturally fell into place. 

It was different with my exes though. I considered a guy my boyfriend after we’ve had the “exclusivity talk”. I remember taking a step back when a guy tried to kiss me and warning him that if I kiss him back that doesn’t mean I’m his girlfriend! lol 

Post # 10
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@beachbride1216:  +1

I believe it’s not official until you talk about it and you both agree that it is.

Post # 11
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We were in a ‘relationship’ from when we snogged me and told me he loved me. 

We had been FWB for 6/7 years before that. But once he made that jump we had to be in a relationship.


Post # 12
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@megz06:  I think you actually have to talk about it. I’ve had sex with guys casually and I can easily separate the physical from the emotional. Sex is fun, I don’t need a boyfriend for that 😛 Seriously though, I believe a discussion needs to take place so that one party isn’t assuming something exclusive is going on while the other has three other partners.

Post # 13
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@mallo:  What does snogged mean! Sex? I love British-isms, lol.

Post # 14
6958 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@megz06:  Update your Facebook status or it didn’t happen.



No, just kidding 😛

I believe you have to have a conversation about exclusivity for it to be “official”. SO & I had I think 6 dates (over the course of 6 weeks) before we were “official”. He asked me to “go steady” at first, which was horrendously cute. 🙂

Post # 15
6455 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

It definitely depends on the couple. All my my serious relationships because official after we had a talk about it. With DH it became official after a couple of dates and hanging out almost everyday for month 🙂

Post # 16
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I may be over 50, but I am a very Modern Bee… who just happens to have a few old fashioned beliefs

So as much as I’d like to think that a couple has a “relationship” if they have gone out a few times, had a few kisses, messed around a bit, or perhaps slept together


(Been there, done that… and been run over by that bus.  And it hurts !!)

A lesson I learned the hard way in my single years post divorce.

So ya, I am a gal who says it is VERY IMPORTANT to have “the Exclusive Talk”

With Mr TTR it was very easy.  We were friends before we dated (having met thru a mutual friend).  And our dating life progressed relatively slowly over a couple of months.

When we did sleep together, I felt we were a couple… and I assume he did too.  BUT we still had the talk.

He told me very clearly that if we were sleeping together, and I wanted to sleep with someone else that he expected to be the 2nd person to know.

As in… I came to the realization, and then I told him.

NOT… I came to the realization, slept with the other guy, and then told him.

We agreed.  It was a very respectful way of looking at life and our relationship if you ask me.

Just another one of those things that clearly set Mr TTR head and shoulders above all the crappy men I had dated in my life up until that point !!


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