Post # 1
Ok so like many brides-to-be and have gone through or are going through the final stages of the planning in particular the guest count it is a nightmare!
My RSVP’s were due on Sept 3rd knowing it is a holiday, Sept 4 was the deadline. So I received a text message after the deadline asking me was their RSVP for one or two? because they misplaced their wedding invitation. So I replied letting them know it was for one only and at this point because it was past the deadline and the final count had been turned in if they wanted to attend it was pay for your plate thing and if they chose to do so they would have had the money into me by Sept 13th. So here is it Wednesday, Sept 19th and I get another text this morning telling me that they wanted to meet with me on Friday to give me the money. I mean at this point this is a touchy situation, do you try to accomodate tardiness after you have given them an initial pass?
Monday we had to sign our final paperwork so that they can starting put the wedding into production. Where do people get off setting their own rules about someone’s wedding???
Post # 3
You will have to just let them know that due to their inability to adhere to the deadlines that not only you set but that your venue and vendors set for planning purposes, they now are not going to be able to come to the wedding. I wouldnt put it in those terms necessarily but a nice short, to the point message explaining that its not not just a matter of money but all of the final numbers have been turned in, which is why you had given them a deadline of the 13th for their money.
In my mind, if you let one get away with it then if it comes up again and others happen to find out about it then you have to do it for all. Plus, if they cannot meet simple deadlines I would just wash my hands of it. This isn’t a simple week or few days past the original RSVP deadline, this is well beyond that.
Post # 4
Why would they have to pay for their plate? Did you have to turn in your numbers so early? Mine were due 3 days before the event. Wedding on 9/24, RSVP was due 9/14.
ETA: If this is a person that you invited to your wedding, and presumably care about and would like there, you should accomodate them.
Post # 5
@MrsTVLover: thats not always possible. my venue wants final numbers 45 days before wedding. after that – guest list closed with no exceptions
though i must admit, i dont know why they would have to pay rather than just not being allowed to go
Post # 6
Since your hosting this party I don’t see why you couldn’t accomidate your guests, I understand that your frustrated but at least they called, they could have just showed up!
Post # 7
@futuremrsmp Well the way I felt was first you texted me after the RSVP cards were due asking If your invite was for one or two because she missed placed it. Once I answered her question I dd let her know she was late with the RSVP. At which point if people didn’t have the descency to respond or RSVP when they were suppose to why should I be considerate and let you come after you didn’t give a hoot. The thing is after I told her she was late and I was still willing to accomodate after my final numbers were in she volunteered the pay part. I gave her a deadline and she still didn’t meet that deadline.m
Post # 8
@stardustintheeyes: Oh I agree. I didn’t want to seem mean, but really as a very good friend of mine indicated “people that really want to be at your wedding will be the first to send their RSVP card back, they won’t forget or make an excuse.”
Post # 9
I guess it depends on your venue. I haven’t ever encountered a venue that didn’t allow you to add to the number of guests. Of course you can’t lower the number.
I would do what I could to accommodate my guests. Heck I had people calling me the day before the wedding asking if they could change their no to a yes and we made it happen. In the end people don’t show up that said they would and the numbers magically work themselves out.
I would chat with your venue and see what they are willing to do.
Post # 10
The perils of hosting a party are many, mislaid invitations and late RSVP’s are the order of the day to every hostess, it’s too late to do anything about it now, but I hope it works out.
Post # 11
@Beelady624: I just wanted to add that that isn’t always necessarily the case. Some people have a lot of crazy stuff going on in their lives, and not having an RSVP deadline at the very top of their lists does not mean that they don’t care about the bride and groom.
I know that your wedding is your central focus right now, and so this breach of etiquette seems unforgiveable. But sometimes stuff happens, and some people may not be as on the ball as they’d like to be. Maybe they’re having relationship problems, maybe their jobs are really stressful, maybe there’s a health concern, maybe someone is dealing with depression– all sorts of things you may not know about. Whatever happens with the catering and venue, I would just suggest that you try to take a step back, gain some perspective, and give these people the benefit of the doubt when you’re expaining it to them. 🙂