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I went to a wedding recently that I felt that the wedding was the only thing that the bride AND groom were interested in - and not the marriage. It seemed like they were only getting married to get "stuff" and throw a party that would show their "friends" how much "better" the bride and groom were than them. Not necessarily consuming themselves with details of the wedding, but just had this "air" about it... bleckk.
Oh, definitely. I know some women who are Type As and brilliant at organizing events and do everything that way, which is totally cool if that's who you are. It just makes me tired thinking about doing all that stuff, personally. I am a slacker and couldn't be bothered with the micromanaging of every detail. I found a venue that basically did everything for me and it was great! The only DIY I did was my printed stuff, because I'm a graphic designer and that's something I enjoy. Even with my minimalist approach, there were still plenty of things to do and I was SO glad when the wedding was over because, as I said, I'm a slacker. The wedding was lovely but I prefer ordinary married life!
Why does it seem like all of your posts thus far have been started JUST to create contraversy and/or put people down?
I think a lot of brides get so sucked into planning because of the pressure put on them from their families and from society in general.
I'm with SanDiegoAli - I think you're being pretty harsh on brides to be. I'm not saying that brides that are more into the wedding than the marriage don't exist, but honestly, the title of this website isn't "MarriageBee" it's "Weddingbee."
As for why the typical bride puts all these hours into the wedding planning - well, honestly, if the bride doesn't who will? I've noticed that being engaged is a fascinating time for gender roles and society's view. The bride is still thought to be obsessed with the wedding and the groom is thought to be so incompetent that he cannot so much as show up to vendor meetings. Also, the bloggers are supposed to blog about their weddings and the details, not about the ins and outs of their relationship and the very personal things one does to prepare for marriage.
I don't care so much about people knowing my wedding details (other than having to hear their two cents, which I could care less about). But people, especially on the internet, do not need to be privy to the ins and outs of my relationship with FI and on the personal and private journey we are taking to prepare ourselves for marriage.
I have personally known 2 brides who have been all about the wedding and not about the marriage. One's husband to be would get drunk and throw stuff around, but she wanted to be married so badly she ignored obvious warning signs of abuse. I was a bridesmaid and she stopped talking to me about 1 yr after the wedding, but I still wonder how they are doing and hope things turned around for them. Another bride to be is currently in the process of planning her wedding. At one point she realized she actually had to pay for a wedding and freaked out cos she didn't even have the money to make the deposits. Her parents stepped in to cover it, which I think is a huge mistake even though its a nice gesture. She has already had to move out of her apt into a smaller one because her shopping sprees (pre-engagement) got so bad she couldnt make rent. Repeatedly. I'm all for parents helping or paying for a wedding, but I think it is important for her to learn financial stability before entering a marriage. I would feel very uncomfortable if I were her FI.
Wedding planning has actually helped my FI and I become closer. We have Wednesdays for appointments for wedding and house stuff, and then we go out to lunch after. We agreed on the important things and have learned to compromise with each other and family on the little things. We started planning a big reception to make people happy, and then decided to buy a house instead due to how much it was begining to cost. Now we will be throwing together a fun backyard reception, open house style so everyone who wants to can come, and we can serve all the amazing food that we love without having to figure out caterers or table linens.
I'm excited for the wedding, but I am even more excited for the marriage and to start a family with the man I love. :)
I have known several women (and several men) who were all about the wedding and not the marriage, or all about getting married THEN – at that specific moment, and it didn’t seem to matter much who they married, just that they got married.
When does it become “too much”? – IMO, when it isn’t fun at all anymore. Wedding are not a necessity – they are a party to celebrate. If it’s not fun to plan – I guess I don’t really see the point of doing it, when you don’t have to in order to get married. I’ve done a bunch of DIY projects, but I *like* doing that kind of stuff – and the stuff I don’t have time to do – I just shrug it off and don’t do it. I’m not going to kill myself over one day.
I’m totally looking forward to the wedding, but more looking forward to afterwards when we start our life as married couple! 4 days to go!
@SanDiegoAli: this person also said they normally post under another name, which i find a little odd. if you want to talk about this topic, or the bachelorette/bachelor party topics, why hide behind a different username?
and to stay on topic of your thread--yes, i have definitely seen that happen. sometimes i get stressed over the planning, mostly because of trying to please 3 families. but in the end, i do enjoy the planning a lot and while we're planning a wedding, we're also in the midst of planning our life together.
Just because a bride throws herself into all the details of the wedding doesn't mean she thinks the wedding is more important than the marriage.
For me, our wedding was the first time our families met since we grew up in different areas. It was also a time where we got to see relatives we hadn't seen in a long time. As soon as he proposed I got started on all my DIY projects (We had been talking about marriage for awhile and I already had an idea of some things I wanted to do) I basically planned the entire wedding myself and we paid for everything, thus the need for most of it to be DIY. I wanted to throw a great party for all of our relatives and for a year just about every single thought in my head had to do with the wedding. It has been a year and our relatives still talk about what a great time they had.
My wedding wasn't THE happiest day of my life but it was definitely ONE of the happiest days of my life, with many more to follow.
@One2-Three4: i've got one better: i know a girl who TRAPPED her guy (he's honorable and a great guy... need I say more? He's also a dear friend. He deserves better, but, his choice, his life, and I hope it works out for him). The rehersal, I was told by THE GROOM is going to be TWO HOURS LONG!!! (I'm hoping like HELL it isn't since my FI is a part of it and the rehersal is ALSO on our youngest son's birthday...)
But.. if the rehersal is two hours, and the ceremony is ALWAYS longer than the rehersal (due to singing, prayers, ceremony, etc that is NOT done during the rehersal) how long is the wedding going to be??? and... can I play on my phone during it? ;) (the obvious answer is no, but it's STILL TEMPTING).
so, my answer would be: when the wedding becomes more of a production than a ceremony joining the pain in holy matrimony (or any variation there of) followed by a party afterwards.
I know exactly what you are talking about! My mom calls it the "White Dress Syndrome".
It's classified as a girl who thinks "I'm in my mid-to-late 20's, we've been dating for x+ years, I want to walk down the aisle in a white dress and have a big party where I am the center of attention!!"
I've seen it a few times and it's very unfortunate. You can usually feel the energy at the wedding. It's not really a celebration of the couple, it's the "dream day" for the bride. The groom is almost a stand-in, cardboard cut-out just to set the "perfect" scene.
If you don't like the idea of people planning the details of their wedding why are you on a wedding blog and wedding boards? Doesn't make sense to me. Will my wedding day be the greatest of my entire life, doubtful, but I sure as hell can tell you it will be greatest day of my life to DATE. Sorry for wanting to make it a great day with personal details. Sorry if this offends you but I'm so tired of people complaining about how we take into account all the details, DIY projects, etc. and not even think about our future marriage. My FI and I have thought, talked, hashed out, and prayed about our MARRIAGE. Just because we want a nice wedding doesn't mean we don't want a strong marriage.
I agree some people are more into weddings than a marriage but weddingbee is not the place to look for a good example. Obviously all people on here are going to talk about is weddings, its a blog about weddings!!! I go on decorating sites to talk about decorating my home not to discuss the family I want in that home. I think you can find people more interested in weddings than marriage but you can find the opposite too. I am very excited to be planning my wedding but if it all went away tomorrow as long as I had FH I would be happy.
Everyone stop attacking. Geez. She's not talking about anyone SPECIFICALLY or attacking any specific person. She's just asking opinions... have you known anyone like this?
I know if I was a blogger it would definitely seem that way! I'm terrible writing about feelings and brillant at taking photos and crafting!
I know that I'd love to write and blog about how we wrote our own vows and the meaning of marriage councelling or our love and the importance of it all.. but it would be all crap. I'd write about how our invitations look like kate spade china or the proper way to make a tissue paper pomander ball etc. It's all about perspective!
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Reading through all the Bee blogs, and lots of commenters on the boards, do you ever look at these people (or yourself) and wonder how B2Bs allow their weddings to become the tip of the iceberg?
I think Miss Knitting said it once in her blog, about how she hopes her wedding day isn't the happiest day of her life - meaning so much stock is put into one day, where does it all go from there? If your wedding is your happiest day, is the rest of your life supposed to be "less"?
Sooo many B2B's devote seemingly every waking moment throwing their heart and soul into wedding planning and it ends up snowballing into an extremely detail oriented, lavish, expensive or labour-intensive affair while they continue to want-want-want and end up with about 20 projects that are unnecessary, overlooked, or ridiculous. I don't mean girls shouldn't be ramped up for their weddings, I just mean - there is a life waiting for you on the other side of the wedding.
Sometimes I read the Bee blogs and it just buggers my mind how intensive some of their days have been, or are shaping up to be... like I'm on major wedding overload... there are 2 in particular (obviously not naming names) but I keep reading over their posts thinking "why? why? where does this stuff GO at the end of the wedding?"
I guess my point is - have you ever seen a situation where the wedding was clearly more important to the bride than the marriage?