Post # 1
Okay, so here is my situation…
My “best friend” is due in August with baby #3. (I put best friend in quotes because she is my cousin so we grew up together and were pretty much best friends our whole lives until she started dating her now husband. He is so jealous [her words, not mine] that we really don’t hang out anymore and pretty much see each other 2-3 times a year) Anyway, so I’m sure she will have a shower since her MIL insists on one for every baby. But do I HAVE to attend and bring a gift?
I was the only adult in the bridal party for her wedding. No other bridesmaids, no groomsmen. Only toddler flower girls and a ring bearer and me. So that left most things for me to plan. I threw her shower, got her a gift, and also gave her $100. She did not want a bachelorette party, but I did try to have a girls’ night with dinner and a movie, but she just didn’t really want that either (she HATES to be away from her SO and her kids.) I also threw the baby shower for her first baby by myself and spent about $150 on the gift for that. I did not throw the shower for baby #2, but did get her an $80 gift.
Well, I just got married in April and she was my MOH. She did not throw a shower or bachelorette party, which is fine. Not big on either of those. But I did at least expect a nice card at the wedding. I was shocked when I collected all the gifts and had nothing from her. I know many people say that bridal party members spend enough on wedding expenses that a gift shouldn’t be expected. But, I found her dress on ebay for $30, she borrowed shoes from me, we all did our own hair and makeup, I gave the girls their jewelry for the day, and the wedding was local so there were no lodging expenses.
So back to my question…when is it appropriate to stop giving gifts to someone? I definitely want to give a card and write something nice, but do I really need to spend another $50+ on another shower gift?
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
taraelisabeth: Definitely not. It’s not a tit for tat situation, but when you’re spending a ton of money on someone, and the gesture is never returned, it doesn’t go unnoticed. Not to mention, it is certainly not your responsibility to be buying gifts for the third kid.
I would probably get her a card and maybe a cute outfit on clearance (read: under $10).
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I would still attend, but just get something inexpensive for baby. She already has kids, yes? She can’t need too much, then. Maybe a cute onesie set from Target or something.
Post # 4
I feel you can give her a card with kind words; it’s not an obligation to give a monetary gift.
Post # 5
missamysmiles: That’s a good idea. I do have a couple months to bargain shop 🙂
whoa_its_ash: Yeah, she really shouldn’t need much since baby #2 was a girl and will only be 14 months old when baby #3 (also a girl) is born.
Post # 6
This makes me really sad as I have experienced very similar situations with my friends. I am sorry for your loss 🙁 she is so wrapped up in her own world that she’s already checked out of your friendship, do you think she’d even notice if you didn’t go to the baby shower or send a gift? probably not. My advice is to let her go and focus on your friendships with other people who actually value you! This girl does not appreciate you or care about your feelings, she’s selfish and you don’t need that toxicity bringing you down!! DUMP!
Post # 7
- Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC
taraelisabeth: I have a cousin who is like my sister. Same type of situation. I would buy her something, even knowing it would not be returned. I love her, I love her kids. I do not buy for her to buy for me.
Post # 8
I would go, and bring a nice card. NO gift.
Post # 9
taraelisabeth: If she’s your best friend, I would go and just bring something small! You are not expected to spend so much! I’d buy a cute outfit for under $15 or a card and call it a day! Then you can at least go and celebrate with her. I don’t think all the baby showers are necessary, and of course, you can always decline.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
taraelisabeth: She basically JUST had a girl?! Its actually pretty lame for her to be foisting another shower on everyone! Bring a stuffed animal and be done with it!
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard
to be honest, I play it by ear depending on their needs. my friend is about to have baby #2, and I’m getting her a gift because they don’t do super well financially. they need all the help they can get. sounds like your cousin doesn’t really need anything. I’d bring something she would actually use, like diapers or a token gift like a toy. side note: I think a shower for baby #3 is pretty obnoxious of her MIL to throw.
Post # 12
If you want to go, then go and get a inexpensive present. When I went to my best friend’s second baby shower I got her several kids books from the used book store. I think I spent $20, max, but I know she appreciated it. Relationships change and it’s perfectly acceptable for spending habits to change along with the relationship and the situation.
Post # 13
I would just send a card, most likely.
Post # 14
If you attend the shower, then get her a small gift, like a onesie on clearance, as suggested by another poster. If you don’t plan on attending, then just send a card.
Post # 15
I personally wouldn’t give her another gift. It’s crazy and gift grabby to have a shower for a third child.