When is it too soon to have a wedding in relation to a sibling's?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think that timeline is fine.

Post # 3
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

bellenola:  Have your wedding when you want. I don’t get the mindset that you have to consider others getting married when you plan your wedding. Unless you deliberately plan yours for the same time frame, ex. same day, week, possibly even month.

I guess it comes from the first time I got married. I got engaged in Aug, around Dec or Jan my ex-SIL and my ex’s cousin both announced preganancies and rushed weddings. I never once thought, OMG! How could you do that to me?

Post # 4
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think it’s rude, but there are two considerations.

1. FSIL’s personality. Talking to her up front about it will go a long way to avoiding conflict.

2. Travel. If people have to do a lot of travel to go to every wedding, then this close might be really hard on family. Then it would be rude (to guests, not necessarily to FSIL), because you’d be forcing people to choose, and yours is first. If one of the weddings is local to that side of the family, though, I’d say you’re in the clear.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Jess1483.
Post # 5
Member
6028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

As long as majority of the mutual guests wouldn’t have to spend a lot on travel, I think that’s fine. However, if a lot of your mutual guests would have to buy plane tickets to get there, that’s 3 plane tickets in one year which might not be feasible for some people. I don’t think it’s a problem in regards to “thunder stealing” though. If you FSIL or FBIL have an issue in that regard, they can get over it.

Post # 6
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i would have given it a month or 2 gap for relatives who need to travel.  but march to july you will be fine.  she probably won’t even have her shower until mayish time frame.

 

Post # 7
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It’s worth considering the family first. Three weddings, or two depending on family side is a lot for some people to afford to go to, if they are close together. I couldnt take vacation in both March and July for instance if I needed to. 

So, it’ll be good to get some opinions but you don’t have to wait necessarily. 

Best friends of ours set their date after we did for two days before our wedding. I know I get one day, but it really puts pressure and limits on rehearsal dinners and leaving for honeymoons, etc. Plus we can’t afford to fly home for their pre wedding activities also having to fly in for our own…

Post # 8
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee

I agree about the cost for guests for travel….

Also depending on if you fiance’s family is giong to be helping out in a monetary way, that could be a lot of pressure on them, 3 in one year. But if not then March sounds like a great time to get married!

 

Post # 10
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

bellenola:  I think it depends on who is paying. If they’re contributing financially to your wedding, it may not be so thoughtful to do it so soon to his siblings’ weddings. If they’re not, I don’t think it’s a huge deal, but as someone who has been on the other side of this (FI’s brother got engaged after us and they’re getting married before us – but they’re having a tiny wedding), it can feel a teensy bit inconsiderate.

My FI’s brother is getting married so soon because his fiance’s dad is terminally ill, so OBVIOUSLY I understand why and am totally supportive, but I think I would feel a little bit jilted if they got married before us for any other reason. I know it’s irrational, but those feelings may creep in.

I also agree with PPs – it’s also a lot for their family to have three weddings that close together. Especially if the weddings aren’t all local. That’s a lot of plane rides and hotel stays.

Post # 11
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I’m in the same situation as you are and so I’d love to know what you decide and what happens. My boyfriend and I were planning on getting engaged soonish but then his brother proposed to his SO  and they aren’t getting married until Sept of 2015. We don’t want to wait forever to get engaged and married but we don’t want to do everything before they do either. Now I don’t feel so bad about getting engaged while they are engaged and getting married shortly after they do. 

Post # 12
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was going to say the same thing as robynrox47:  

Please take into consideration the financial aspect. If you are expecting financial help from FI’s side, It might be a burden on them with even less time to help with yours. If its just your parents paying or if you guys are paying for it all yourself then I say go for it. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for a large wedding. Yes FSIL is larger but over 100 is still considered large and costs add up VERY fast.

Post # 13
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My dad’s side of the family had 7 weddings in 7 months for different cousins.  It was hard, but I only missed one, and this is when I was in college.  I think you have more than two months between them, and that is plenty of time.

As far as his dad’s side of the family, I would still invite them.  I think it would be very awkward to have them all show up for FSIL’s wedding, and then find out that there was another wedding 4 months prior that they were not invited too.

Before you even have the talk with FSIL, I would at least look into venues.  March 2015 isn’t that far away, and from I know of Louisiana, it’s prime wedding season there.  Who knows if you will even be able to book a venue.  It might be a moot point if you can’t get anything booked. 

Post # 14
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

That is definitely not too soon! My sister in law had hers 4 months after her brother had his. She was just too excited to wait. Granted her now sister in law had some minor bickering about it, my sister in law made sure not to trump over her big day and during their prewedding events she never made it about her and her upcoming wedding, she made it about them. Just learn to give and take, but don’t stress about it. Plan your big day when you want to, you deserve it!!!

 

Post # 15
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, I can answer this one with person experience!

My husband and I dated for 5.5 years and then were engaged for a year and a half. A few months after we got engaged and set our date, my sister got engaged to her boyfriend of two years. I asked that my sister not plan her wedding for the same weekend as my wedding. Our parents asked for a month buffer. She set her date 6 weeks prior to mine and it worked out great! We both had it in our hometown (I now live about an hour away) and our overlapping guests didn’t have to travel far (though plenty of our other guests did have to travel). 

I can honestly say that it wasn’t a problem, at all. No competition. No jealousy. Our parents were pretty exhausted after the weddings, but they took a nice cruise and felt better! And it was nice because we were able to commiserate about planning woes with each other. We even used some of the same glass vases for our centerpieces! 

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