When is it too soon to meet the family?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: To go or not to go to Mexico? Must book tickets now for late March
    Go- you're over thinking this : (22 votes)
    65 %
    Don't go- it's way too much pressure : (12 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 3
    3841 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @princesslettuce14:  I wouldn’t expect, or want, to meet family much before the four to six month mark of a good, solid relationship.  Any sooner may risk feeling pressured to continue, by yourself or by him.   Personally I wouldn’t even travel with someone at this point, let alone meet family.  

    He sounds wonderful, take it slow and enjoy!!!

    Post # 4
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @Astra:  wow, I thought I’d be the only person to say this. Agreed.

    Being with someone I didn’t know well for 24/7 (and take vacation from work? And pay for a plane ticket?) umm, no. That gives me the heebee jeebies.

    Consider that he may be doing because there is this idiotic idea out there that one always has to have a date for a wedding.

    Post # 5
    1864 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    4 weeks and asked to go on destination wedding to Mexico with the family? I’d be too nervous and hesitant. I dunno though, if you’re REALLY hitting it off and feel so comfortable around him, I wouldn’t want to tell you not to go. I just personally couldn’t. 

    Would you want to go?

    Post # 6
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @princesslettuce14:  I would slow it down a bit, 4 weeks is such a short amount of time.  I don’t like to call it “playing hard to get” but I think by politely declining the end of March it will probably keep him a bit more interested rather than jumping straight into booking full on family weddings.  It sounds all lovely and exciting for you though!  Doesn’t hurt to cool it a bit in the early stages and enjoy the time together before getting too serious.  As soon as you go to the wedding you may be considered as pretty much “girlfriend” status…are you ready for that?

    Post # 7
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Sure, sounds awesome! FI and I started dating November 2nd and went to each others family Thanksgivings and Christmas’ (my family has over 100 people attend thanksgiving so he met EVERYONE). I say the sooner the better, why not? 


    Post # 8
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Well, I think you got your answer about the Relationship Status.

    Guys tend to be of the mindset that when they meet a Girl they like that they want to show her off / introduce her around to their Friends.

    And subsequently Family.

    Which usually means they are “smitten” on you

    What you do with this info is up to you… beyond deciding if you’ll be going to the Wedding.

    Sounds like it is time to sit down and have a bit of a talk about “What exactly are we doing here ?  How do you view US and our Relationship Status ?”

    Then you’ll know for sure.

    That doesn’t have to be a heavy duty thing BTW… it doesn’t naturally mean that things automatically have to go barrelling forward at 90 Miles an Hour… you can certainly still set the pace

    Mr TTR & I had the “We are Exclusive” convo pretty early on in our Dating (but then again we were friends before we dated) and as we had quite a few common friends there weren’t a whole lot of intros (but I did meet his Adult Children within a month or so)

    I was sort of like you in some ways… I was quite gun-shy having come off a horrid Divorce… so I told him I was ok with being Exclusive (actually happy) BUT that I was very unsure where I wanted the Relationship to go… I just wanted to take things slow, and make decisions as things unfolded (that was a risk for him… but he was willing to take it to date me)

    And as Encores… I also talked about Marriage (You being previously Engaged might want to have a similar convo about Engagements / Marriage / Serious Relationships in the future)

    I told him that I wasn’t fully opposed to Marriage, but it wasn’t something I was thinking about at the time… I just wasn’t putting it on the table any time soon… I needed to just be me and date in a carefree way (have a bit of fun) without a lot of pressure from a Man for awhile.

    He understood… said he himself as a Divorced person could fully relate.  He wasn’t against Marriage either, but it would take “someone special” to have his heart open that far again.

    I understood fully what he meant.. Marriage was still on the table… IF the right person came along.

    And so it was… no pressure.  We dated happily for many years with this arrangement eventually moving in together etc.

    After 6 Years of Dating, I came to realize I wanted more… I wanted to be married again.  I shared my LIFE PLAN and TIMELINE with him… and he was thrilled, totally agreed.  We were married within a year.

    The point is.. when the right person comes along, they won’t care so much about all your baggage / insecurities… they’ll not want to rush you… they’ll be quite content to wait just because you are in their life.  And coming to the conclusion to marry will be a gradual thing that you both grow into… it will be surprisingly easy to move in that direction and not a huge surprise when it happens. 

    Hope this helps,

    PS… I just clicked back on the link you provided… I remember your story (you were Engaged to “the Knot guy”).

    I am sooo happy to hear you are doing well… that news truly made my day !!


    Post # 9
    1838 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    as far as meeting family i dont think that’s TOO weird, but the fact that it’s on a trip out of the country definitely would be for me

    Post # 10
    430 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I met SO’s family a week after our relationship became a relationship – we had been ahem-together for about two months at that point. It was really early to meet his parents, but we both knew it was a serious relationship and with myself not being from that country, his parents’ town was on my list of places to hit up. I would not have been happy meeting his extended family that early on.

    Post # 13
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @princesslettuce14:  My fiance met my family before we were even official. Which is how I was with my previous relationships too. I’m super family oriented. Luckily I have an awesome, very accepting family but I do always have my men meet them before we make it official!

    Post # 15
    138 posts
    Blushing bee

    @princesslettuce14:  I’m going to side with the less popular opinion…

    Sure, it is important to not rush and make any hurried decisions, but sometimes a faster pace doesn’t exactly equate to being carelessly rash. Only you know what is going on between you two and whether something like this feels too rushed or totally fine. Every relationship is different and no one can tell you if things are moving too quickly except your own gut. 

    In the past, family hasn’t known about the people I dated until months in. I have taken my time even casually dating for months before considering commitment and then only months later is meeting family an option. In my present relationship, things have been the exact opposite! It’s been a total whirlwind — in a good way — and even though it is a lot different and moving much faster than is usual for either of us or for relationships in general, we are eachother’s exception to the rule. It just feels right and no one can tell us any different. 

    Same should go for you. Forget about what is socially acceptable as the appropriate length of time and do what you feel is right. If you’re comfortable with the idea of this trip and are both happily on the same page, go for it! If not, that is your prerogative and I’m sure he will understand.

    And hey, if you do decide to go, but then a few weeks later you end up not being into him anymore, who cares! Your flight is already booked. Just book a last minute hotel room — they’ll be one available somewhere, it’s Mexico for god sake — at some rad all inclusive and let loose for a few days. You experienced a broken engagement not that long ago so treat yourself and enjoy. It is a win-win!


    Post # 16
    2578 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @princesslettuce14:  I met my DH’s 2 closest friends on our second date (it was SuperBowl and he had to drive them home) and I met his parents/siblings about 2 weeks into our relationship.I don’t think there’s really a time limit on thing… each couple and each relationship is different.

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