Post # 1
Hey Bees I just would like say thank you for all of your support and advice this community has given me.
I been going through emotional rollercoaster lately with myself….the month of June was our 2nd year anniversary and my SO hes an amazing man I love him death hes a wonderful generous man to my kids but in June he had to leave outwest due to work he was away for 3 weeks pretty much missing out on our anniversary 🙁 when he got back home we started on our house project for our backyard which was putting up our deck and installing our hot tub. His father lives 3 hours away from us came down to help us out which was super nice of him too. Well durring this busy project it was my birthday and we didnt do anything I felt disappointed again just like our anniversary…of course I was sad but didnt make a fuss about it.
A few weeks later when the project was done he was super busy he had to work pretty much almost 6 to 7 days for the next couple of weeks in august I understand its his work he has to go I dont complain about it durring this entire summer I just felt that it was all about him we only went out twice spending time together as a family and going out for dinner a few times here and there but that isnt much for the entire summer…..so just a couple of days ago his friend contacted him asking him if he was interested in going to Vegas for a bachlor party so yesterday he booked his flight & hotel and everything…..My heart sank to the ground and I been balling my eyes out keeping this to myself …how could he even go to vegas??? this isnt fair at all our anniversary passed nothing happen my birthday came along it was nothing no big deal…I kept my composure we havnt gone on a trip outside of the country together ever since we have been dating so I honestly thought how is that fair?? When I brought it to his attention all he said to me was when do I get to hang out with my friends? twice a year ? which is true the last time he went out to the bar with his group of friends was in April….but still am I being irrational about this??
Post # 3
@Serey: you are absolutely right in being upset!!! how dare he forget your anniversary…and your BIRTHDAY…omg, really?? Sit him down and explain to him about priorities, obviously hisare way off base!! If my mate forgot my day, i’d never let him forget it, grrrrrr
Post # 4
I think you need to tell him that it’s important to you that you celebrate these dates together as a couple. (Obviously, if he has to be away for work that’s one thing…) He probably completely forgot when the plans came up. But keeping quiet isn’t going to change anything; he’s not going to know that this matters to you unless you tell him.
Post # 5
This is a tough one. Have you ever talked about taking a trip together? Did he forget your birthdat and anniversary or just not have time to celebrate them the way you would have liked?
How close is he to the guy who’s bachelor party it is? If he is just a casual aquaintance, then yes you do have a bit of a reason the be upset, if he is super close/in the wedding party then you should let it go.
In a calmer moment, when he isn’t busy and you are less emotional, talk to him about what you want and need from the relationship. Be sure to make it clear you are not asking him to choose between you and his friends. Some guys don’t get how important marking birthdays and anniversaries are (or they,mark them in ways they think are special but may not be how you would want to celebrate).
Open and honest communication is the answer, just make sure to do it when he isn’t feeling overwhelmed and you aren’t feeling emotional.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies for your advice
@KatNYC2011: We have discuss planning trips together but it hasnt happend due to work so it just never came through. He didnt forget my birthday its just not how I wanted to celebrated it. The bachlor party in Vegas isnt a close friend of his. Hes not invited to the wedding or isnt apart of the wedding party hes just going because all of his close friends are attending this wedding and celebrating it. Honestly I just dont get why is even going at all? But you are right I do need to sit down and talk to him when we are both calm.
Post # 8
Ok it is a bit odd he is going to a bachelor party for,a guy who’s wedding he is not even invited too. I might be a little miffed about that. Especially if he is using time/money that could be used for a special trip for the two of you.
As for how you celebrate events, that should be a discussion. He may honestly not know what you want. For example, whrn DH and I stared dating, he would never wrap gifts or get me cards. I was always a bit hurt about that. When I finally talked to him about it, he had no idea I cared so much about a card or wrapping paper. Now he still doesn’t always get me a card, but he does make more of an effort to remember to as he knows it matters to me.
Post # 9
@Serey: I would sit down and talk to him. He is not a mind reader, he does not know your feelings. Since you never mentioned anything he probably assumed you did not want to do anything.
This is just 2nd anniversary, the both of you haven’t established a pattern yet.
Understand that he has been very busy with work and house projects, things can possibly slip his mind.
Recognize that you both should have sat down and talked about your anniversary and make concrete plans of what and when you want to celebrate it.
My fiance and I are celebrating 4 years together this passed weekend and because we are so busy we are pushing celebration to the 3rd week of September.
Post # 10
Like a PP said, men are NOT mind readers. My DH is always telling me that if something upsets me, then I NEED to tell him otherwise he’ll think I’m fine with whatever is going on. Maybe your SO doesn’t know how upset you really are about all these events.
The bachelor party thing though….honestly, would you be upset with him going if you had been able to celebrate your anniversary/bday the way you wanted? I personally would not want my DH going to another country for a party weekend for a guy who didn’t have the decency to invite him to the wedding. If that’s the secondary issue, you need to let him know how it makes you feel. Harboring these feelings will only make you more upset and you’ll wind up taking it out on him at a later time….like most of us women do.
Post # 11
His behavior shows you how important you are to him. I would address this with him- he shouldn’t be forgetting your birthday at the very least if you are important.
Post # 12
This is about him not even asking you if it’s okay. And he didn’t do anything for your anniversary or birthday. I am sorry if you feel that he should have done something. If he is a workaholic and working for his family to have things to enjoy, give him some slack. He might not think an anniversary or birthday is at the top of his priority list as much as you think it should be. Expain how important these things are will be a good thing (as the dates approaches) as he is always seems so busy to think about them.
And my 2 cents on this subject:
Las Vegas + Bachelor party = Disaster
I hope you set boundaries with your husband (be specific) and I hope he respects you enough to be chaste!