- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
So I just got engaged this past week and I’m SO ecstatic about it. FI is amazing, the ring is amazing, the timing is perfect, I can’t wait to marry him. We live 8000 miles from our families so once we figured out time zone issues, we called them.
We called my parents first because his mom already knew he was planning to propose. My dad drives my mom to work, and they were on the way out the door. They were surprised and a bit brusque becaue they had to leave. I thought that was OK, they were just in a hurry. Later, though, my dad sent me an email saying little more than, “That’s nice, don’t expect me to give you any money.” (Mom was rather nicer about it.)
We skyped his parents and they were awesome — it just so happened that some other relatives were visiting when we skyped, as well as most of FI’s siblings (he’s one of 7) and everyone got to see the ring and there was much giggling and “woohoo”ing and poking fun at FI and general celebration and joy. They were being super sweet and welcoming, even posting things like “excited to be expecting a new [FI’s last name]!!” You know, the reaction you’d EXPECT when your kid gets engaged. (I have no siblings so nothing to measure against there.)
It’s such a bringdown. I emailed my dad and frankly told him what it sounded like, and he basically said that he thought a wedding was superfluous (he and mom got married in the courthouse and that was good enough for them, so it should be good enough for us) and that a wedding would “cause mom anxiety” and I shouldn’t “waste money” flying home. He said he thought we “weren’t ready” (he’s met FI maybe twice, it would be more but he hates having visitors at his house and never goes anywhere.) What’s insane is we’re in our mid-20’s, we’ve been together more than three years and lived together for two — he was supportive of us moving in together (even helped us make our initial payment on that apartment) and moving to the other side of the world together (paid for my plane ticket) but not supportive of us getting married? It doen’t make sense.
Meanwhile FI’s parents like me personally and think we’re good together, but weren’t supportive of us moving in together (religious) or moving to Korea (thought it was scary) but they’re all elated at us getting engaged and getting married.
I’m happy that I have in-laws who are generally super fun, including a host of siblings who think it’s great and say they can’t wait for me to be part of the family, but my own family is so difficult and it’s a downer. It feels like I’m becoming more a part of his family, than families uniting.
Any ideas or suggestions to get my parents (especially dad) on board? Will they just come around with time? It’s too early to make any decisions obviously, but in the moment now, I’m considering maybe walking down the aisle alone because of this.