when making your SO happy makes you miserable ….

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Stace126:  I’m on a mini pill. It has a lot less hormones than a normal pill. Statistic change every week…causes ovarian cancer, prevents breast cancer, blah blah. I have never had any issues with it, I’m allergic to latex and hate condoms anyway, so BC pills are our best option right now. It does feel less intimate, more like a hookup, with condoms (that’s just my opinion). I left condoms behind with my single years.

Everyone will tell you to do what you want and that it’s your body. That is all true, so obviously you have the final say. Currently women are the ones who can take the pill, so that is the way it has to be. If a man could take it, I’m sure he would. I’ve never had an issue and it is my favourite method. I’m not a fan of breathing in smog, the disgusting state of the meat industry, the air/water quality, etc. Everything will kill you eventually.

It just really isn’t one of the things worth worrying about in my opinion.

Post # 4
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Look into other barrier methods…

Like yourself, I wasn’t a fan of going back onto Hormonal Methods post pregnancy… and in the 1980s the IUDs (especially copper, were riddled with issues, including deaths).

So I didn’t have a lot of options back then… like there is now.

I used a diaphragm for years (with spermicide), and no problems whatsoever.  Easy enough to use, and whenever I wanted to get pregnant, I just stopped using it.  It isn’t totally spontaneous, but no more so than condoms (infact you can insert a Diaphragm into place for hours beforehand).

There are other barrier methods as well now… so you might want to have a chat with your Dr, OBGYN or a Public Health Nurse Practicioner about options.

Honestly, I never used a condom until I was in my 40s (mostly because HIV came along when I was married) … so I have to admit that I too am not a fan.

The secret when it comes to BC (especially if one is married) is knowing ALL the options, your partner, and a bit of strategic planning & compromise.

Good Luck in your search, there is something out there that will work for you on all fronts, you just have to do some research / reading / ask questions


Post # 5
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Stace126:  You should not put your own health, mental or physical, at risk so your SO won’t have to wear condoms. He shouldn’t keep pressing the issue. Hormonal birth control was terrible for me when I tried it, and my family has a history of not tolerating it well. After we’re married and sexually active, I will practice natural family planning – which can be extremely effective if you are consistent. The thought of plasticy condoms grosses me out (do they squeak?!) and I have a latex allergy, so my doctor recommended lambskin condoms as an alternative. They are natural and apparently feel amazing. Check those out?

Post # 6
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I was on hormonal contraception in various forms for something like 15 years. Now I’m hypothyroid, struggle with irregular cyles, my estrogen and progesterone levels are definitely off. Is it caused by the pill? I’m not sure, but it could be. I don’t blame you at all for not wanting to be on synthetic hormones and don’t let anyone bully you into thinking it’s perfectly safe and you should just do it. You need to do what’s right for you. I do know that charting is very effective and might be a good option for you if you’re open to it. I recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it helps you understand your cycle, and how to effectively use the family planning method.  Once you know your cycle pretty well, you could cut down to using condoms during your more fertile times. Of course NO method is perfect and there’s always a risk, even on hormonal bc, so you just have to do what’s best. I’m sorry this is such a source of trouble for you, I hope you two can come to a good compromise! 

Post # 7
115 posts
Blushing bee

I can relate to you on this. My FI isn’t pushy and doesn’t make me feel guilty or anything like that, but I feel like condoms are less intimate, and really, unless if you’re using them perfectly 100% of the time, not always going to be effective. 

I can’t take hormonal birth control in any form (pills, nuvaring, injection, patch), because the hormones cause my blood pressure to go up too much. So I’m limited to condoms as well, recently we’ve also just been pulling out sometimes. There is a lot of research that indicates that the whole “sperm in pre cum”, is a myth. 

I plan to get a copper IUD in a few months, and I too am a wimp, but I figure if a few minutes of discomfort will allow me more security, spontenaity, and increase FI’s pleasure, then its worth it for me. I already have pretty bad period cramps and so on so I’m not worried about them getting too much worse. 

I think whatever you decide to do, as you are looking into your options and doing your research, have FI do it with you, so that he is aware of all of the options and their pros and cons, and remains just as informed as you are. Sorry this is so long!

Post # 8
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I know what you mean. I am not a fan of taking the pill. The idea of hormone manipulation really bothers me. I do take it though and haven’t had any problems. I have to take it for an ovarian cyst I have anyway so for now I have no other option. I hate the feeling of condoms anyway and the idea of being married and using condoms is really not appealing.

After we have a baby I’m planning on having my tubes tied so then I won’t have to worry about the BC issue anymore.

Post # 9
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Stace126:  The copper IUD (Paragard) is good for up to TEN years and has NO hormones!

Post # 10
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Stace126:  I did the copper IUD twice (3 years before son was conceived and for 5years after he was born) and had zero problems.  Is it a little painful getting it inserted?  Well, yes, but it passes after a few hours – I swear! I am not sure what you heard about dangers, but my sister is a doctor and read a lot of medical research before recommending the IUD to me as one of the safest forms of reversible BC.  Like @MrsPanda99:  I am allergic to latex condoms (fun times discovering THAT for the first time, huh?) and even if I weren’t, I agree with you…they always made the encounter seem a little…impersonal!  

Post # 11
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i can’t take estrogen based birth control because i will also have a stroke. nobody in my family can, actually. there are other BC pills that are not estrogen based.


my husband says “yeah, condoms aren’t great. suck it up. your desire for naked penis does not come before the health of your girlfriend.”

Post # 12
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I would suggest a diaphragm or another barrier method. I’m sorry your FI is being so pushy about this :/ Good luck!


Post # 13
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am allergic to latex and had some MAJOR reactions to hormonal birth control.  I gained A LOT of weight, became depressed and lost ALL sex drive (which completely defeats the purpose).  My FI and I had been using latex free condoms (super expensive) when I came across these at Target.  

They are little spermicide films that you put in 15 minutes before having sex.  They were the happy compromise between my FI and I.  They are only about $10 for a box but if you visit thier website you can get a $1 off coupon to try them.  We have been using these almost exclusively for a year with no ill side effects (including pregnancy Wink).

Here is the website if you want to read more about them.

Post # 14
939 posts
Busy bee

hormonal Bc makes me batshit crazy so I can undestand why you don’t want to be on it. I also just think that messing with your hormones can’t be all that great for you. I had a paragaurd IUD for years and loved it, but I had to get it taken out because it was making my endometriosis worse. It hurt when it was put in, but it wasn’t really that bad. If you’re dead set against that I would talk to your GYN, there are other barrier methods that are very effective when used correctly, I think they just aren’t in style now (as weird as that sounds) but I really reccomend you take a second look at a non hormonal IUD, they are awesome!


Post # 15
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Stace126:  i have the mirena iud – it is RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME. i also had serious issues on other BC, and didn’t want to take it anymore. 

i have had a worry free five years on the mirena with zero side effects and will be replacing it on monday for another five years. 

it can come out at any time, insertion is a freaking breeze (done in office, takes 5 minutes) and it doesn’t effect your fertility at all. i asked my doctor, ‘when does it take effect?’ she jokingly looked at her watch and said, ‘can you wait for five minutes?’ when i asked her how long it would take for my fertility to ‘go back’ upon removal she again said, ‘literally five minutes – there is no ‘going back’. 

make an appointment with a doctor you trust – it has been amazing for me and my SO, and you shouldn’t stress about it!

Post # 16
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

feel free to pm me if you have any questions

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