(Closed) When opportunity knocks then potentially hands you a dress… for $75!

posted 6 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it would actually make her feel good to see that the love she had when she wore the dress, is being extended to someone else. I Don’t think she would feel bad at all, I don’t think I would.

Post # 4
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would ask about the first two issues directly. They’re really sensitive and valid questions. Still, I suspect that she’ll want you to wear it.

Regarding the last, if she won’t take the remaining $225, why don’t you consider making a donation in her husband’s name to a cancer research fund, or hospice, or a patient outreach program. You could let her know about it in the thank you card.

Post # 5
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

i think it might make her happy. and since she wont take more from you what about having it cleaned and preserved and you give it back to her as a gift? and what if instead of doing favors at your reception you donate that money to a donation in her husbands honor?

Post # 6
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think she made the offer because she cares, and because it is a way to something she so associated with love continue on.  If you want, you can find someway to make her part of it, like (if she OK’s it) adding into the program something like “the bride is wearing the dress her dear friend KJ wore to her own wedding, making this the second time it has ushered in a marriage filled with love.”  If she won’t accept the money and you feel badly about it, you could tell her you’ve donated the remainder to a charity related to colon cancer, as a thank you to both her and her husband for being such good friends to you.

Post # 7
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

everyone handles death and grief differently.  i can give you my perspective if it’ll help, but really it would be best if you asked her directly about the first two issues.  the way i feel about the dress i wore when i married DH1…i think i’m going to donate it.  i would LOVE to make another bride who might be strapped for cash happy.  if i could give it to a friend, that would be even better (but the only unmarried friend i have it would be too small for, and it’s not even close to her style anyway).  BUT this is only a conclusion i’ve reached in the last six months or so…i really didn’t feel that way in the immediate wake of his death.  your friend might feel differently though…a big difference is that DH1 was killed suddenly and quite unexpectedly, and while death that close to home is ALWAYS a shock, no matter how much time you have to prepare, it’s a little different with long illness than it is when it’s completely sudden.  so yeah, ask her.  one thing i can guarantee is that she’ll very much appreciate the thought you’re putting into it and the concern for her feelings.

as for your third worry, i like @atalante‘s idea about donating to a hospice or outreach center in her husband’s honor.  prayers for your friend and their family…my heart goes out to them.

Post # 9
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsJules10: That’s a great idea. Even if you don’t have it sent back to her, OP, you should definitely consider donation favors. 

I imagine attending any wedding would be hard after her husband’s death, but maybe seeing you in the dress will help her. πŸ™

Post # 11
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I think since she offered to sell the dress, you shouldn’t worry about it hurting her. I think its also very sweet of you to offer her the whole 300. Its a beautiful dress, congrats πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think a donation would be lovely.  A very good family friend of mine got married a few years ago to her DH.  The two of them actually met at the funeral of a mutual friend who had died of cancer.  They made a donation to the friend’s hospital in lieu of favors, and they had a moment of silence at the reception.  It was lovely, and they were really able to honor their friend.  The situation here is a bit different, but I still think it would be the best thing to do.

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