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WOW! She does sound like a treat. Lucky for you, it doesn't matter whether or not she believes in long engagements. What's to believe in? Your engagement isn't Santa Claus. lol How rude!
I think there are always those type of people who will always have something negative to say. FI and I met in June 2009 moved into gether in September of the same year. Ya it was fast. Then engaged in February 2010 and are getting married in 3 weeks. People that don't know us are like "wow that was fast". The people who do never say a negative word about it. Some things are right for different people for different reasons. I say screw em! LOL
@Miss Beach: Hahah that's what I thought too... You don't "believe in them"?? Well believe baby... it's happening!
@mwitter80: And I say YOU GO GIRL!!! Only you can know what's right for you and your FI.... you're right, screw 'em!
By the time I get married I'll have been engaged for over a year. I only had one person say anything about it. I let that person know that if they wanted to pay for everything I would be more than happy to move the date up to the following month but that I'd need the cash up front. Bitchy on my part, but it shut her up.
i wouldn't look too much into her. you and your FI know what is right for you.
It's so frustrating when people offer their opinion about something pertaining to your situation when you never asked for it. I find that those people are generally unhappy with their life as a whole! There was no reason why she needed to drone on about why she doesn't believe in long engagements. Fine...great, good for you...don't believe in long engagements, but don't tell someone who is having a long engagement that you don't believe in them. B/c guess what? They aren't going to care!
I say more power to you! My younger brother is having a long engagement mainly b/c they want to have their wedding at a particularly pricey venue and want to pay for the majority of it themselves. So, they're saving like crazy, and they're going to have the wedding that they want, when they want and where they want. So good for you for doing the same!!!
Yeah, I'd be irritated too. But just keep in mind everyone is different and what works for them isn't necessarily what will work for you. Be confident in your decision and answer confidently. Half the time I think these rude comments are just to make someone uncomfortable and see how they'll react so don't let her make you answer awkwardly, that might be what she's after, some sort of superiority trip, but the other half of the time I think it's just verbal diahrrea that people have.
Ugh... people can be so annoying. I just wanted to chime in because I'm looking at venues now and loads of places where we're looking (as in, the majority of places..) are completely or mostly booked for Saturdays in 2011. Yes, I could keep looking for places that are available, and yes I could have my wedding on a different day of the week. But this isn't a race and I'd much rather be happy with the location and the vendors then just rush to get married. So maybe it will be 2011 or maybe 2012- but it's not random people's business why you're making the choices you make.
People think that because we have been engaged so long and haven't had the wedding that we're "unsure of the relationship and that it's what we both want."
We were engaged for 10 years. We used to have people ask how many kids we were going to have before taking it to the altar. For the record, we had 3!
@TinyTina: Omg! I seriously have almost the same story as you. I got engaged in October 2009 and will be married on July 9, 2011, which is also the dating anniversary of my fiance and I, and why we wanted that date. We both wanted a longer engagement so we could have more time to plan for the wedding, and also we wanted a summer wedding and July 2010 seemed like it would not be enough time. Most people I talked to completely understood this, and we have many friends that have had longer engagements for similar reasons. Well, when I told an old coworker of mine about when I was planning to get married, she was like "Why? That's too long! I only planned my wedding in 9 months?" I was really caught off guard by her comment and thought it was so rude. Like that's nice she could plan a wedding in 9 months, but neither my fiance and I wanted to!
Anyways, I feel like you never win with people either way. If you had a 6 month engagement, some people would have something snarky to say, and if you have a 2 year engagement, people will have something annoying to say about that too. What matters is doing what works for you and FI. I think your plan sounds great and I think it's super cute that you are getting married on your dating anniversary too!
When people tell me that or say something nasty about our long engagemen I just tell them I want it perfect and perfection takes time. Plus we are broke and the longer the easier it is for us to pay =D but people dont need to know that
I feel that long engagements are more and more common now. And how fun is it to be engaged for an extra length of time? You only get to have a fiance once!. My engagment will be 1.5 years
It's the "I don't BELIEVE in long engagements" which is sort of tantamount to saying "I dont BELIEVE in YOU." Annoying.
You know her, I don't, but I don't think she was going out of her way to insult you. Some people are just bad conversationalists.
Either way, I think having a long engagement is AWESOME. You get all that time to show off your ring and have people get all excited that you're engaged. Engagement="Wow, congratulations!" Married="Oh. You're married." Have FUN and relish the time!
Well tell your misery I'm here! :) We just got engaged about a month ago, but our date is March 31, 2012.... I get the "WOW, and you've already been together so long!" thing... I'm like yeah, thanks?It's almost like "WOW he must be reallllly unsure about you!"
I mean, it really is nobody's business (especially a co-worker!) and it IS rude, but you're right. Just have to let it go. Sometimes I can get a little snarky in my responses, but hey... :)
My favorite to date is when a basic stranger said something along the "WOW that is forever, why is HE MAKING YOU WAIT so long?" Really? No one is MAKING anyone wait. It was a choice. But thanks for your concern. ;)
And really, neither mine nor your engagement's are that long.
I got engaged November 2007 and got married April 2010. I did get quite a few comments, especially from my one coworker. She always said, "Why are you waiting so long to get married? He might change his mind."
Seriously?
I just laughed it off and said that we had plans before we got married.
So now, her son is getting married and she's footing a considerable amount of the bill for his wedding and she's stressing out. Now she's telling me that my mom is so lucky that my fiance and I payed for our own wedding, we didn't incur any debts from it, we bought a house before getting married, traveled, blah blah... Oh well, we waited! :) :) :)
Don't mind those naysayers. Whatever rocks your boat, honey :)
It's way better than this exchange:
"So when are you getting married?"
"This July."
"Wow, why so soon? Are you pregnant??"
"You seriously need to put a filter between your brain and your mouth..."
Some people just lack tact...I'm sorry you had to deal with such a snarky woman:( I think it's great that y'all are having the engagement that makes sense for you as a couple. I'm not engaged yet, but people go between asking why my boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet (we've been together for over 4 years), and telling me that I'm too young to even think of getting married (I'm 22)...even though we have both graduated college. Both things sort of bother me, but I know that at the end of the day, it's my life and I can do with it whatever I want. The people who know me the best will always support me. It's great that you have that too! And I love that you get to keep your anniversary...I really want to, but I don't think it's going to happen. Yay for you!
We've had the same sort of reaction. It drives me nuts! We'll be engaged over 4 years when we get married...basically (sorry to be so blunt) i tell people to go F*** themselves, because it's none of there GD business when we chose to wait so long to get married...
p.s. sorry if that offended anyone, I just get a bit irrate about the subject.
I'm at the tail end of a two year engagement, I had friends get proposed to after me and get married before me, and seeing them go through that rush just spurred me on. If I could go back and do a shorter engagement, I wouldn't! Having all the time I had allowed me to refine my ideas into what I wanted rather than what the industry coming at you from all angles wants, it gives you time to suss out everything, get first pick of everything, and save soooo much more!
Plus, it feels like such a lovely path to be on, you are only engaged once so why not enjoy it for as long as possible? It's such a lovely romantic time.
I am the first and only person in my ENTIRE family to have a long engagement, and not everyone has been all that supportive. My immediate family is perfectly fine, and they understand it, but others have told me there's no point in me even being engaged if I planned on having such a long engagement.
I really don't let it bother me. I know why we're doing it, and that's all that matters.
I've learned that people are always going to have something to say, your engagement is too long and, in my case, you're too young. I just let it slide.
Tell her not to worry about the date because she's not invited anyway!
I am definitely guilty of asking why people are waiting so long, but more as a way of asking the significance of the year--generally I'm curious as to who is graduating from what [or whatever] that makes it convenient. I like hearing about people's future plans. I usually follow up with "It's a long time, but you'll probably be glad you waited until [a month after the bar exam / your evil step-grandmother dies / you can afford what you want / whatever]." I'm nosy, but encouraging.
I haven't had any particularly rude questions *yet, knock on wood*, but some people do seem less excited when they hear that the wedding is in March of 2012, not this March. It's like there's an excitement limit of a year...if it's not within a year, it's not worth getting all atwitter about. So hopefully once we're past this March, I can have those excited conversations with people.
And P.S., good for you for not being snarky to the co-worker! I'm sure that was quite frustrating.
@TinyTina: That lady sounds like such a joy to work with ;) haha.
We'll have been engaged just over 2 years when we *finally* get married. Like you two, it made more sense for us to wait - there were certain medical issues that came up and then we decided to save up more money and get more of what we wanted (vendors, details, etc.). We haven't received many snarky comments, because most people agree with our reasoning, but it feels like a lot of people have actually forgotten that we're engaged and wedding planning, etc.
A few of our other couple-friends got engaged a few months ago (about a month apart from one another) and it's like the whole wedding world revolves around them momentarily because our engagement is "old news" at this point. Neither couple has directly said that, so don't get me wrong, but it is frustrating because we've been engaged/waiting for a long time and I think they forget that yes, we have wedding plans also. It gets annoying at times, but it's NBD when it comes down to it. We'll have our special day - finally! - and it will be the happiest, most exciting day ever! I can't wait!
Don't worry about all of those negative people- I am SO glad that I've had a long engagement! We're going to ahev been engaged, and are also getting married on one of our date-iversaries. I've really been able to enjoy being engaged, and being a fiancee (such a passing time in your life)- fiancee is a short time, married is forever! Also, now that it's been so long, I feel as though I'm really ready to graduate to wife- not that I wasn't before, when we were first engaged, but now I feel as though I've fully enjoyed my time and I'm ready to move on :)
One thing I've learned from being on the planet for a lot of years is that no matter what you do, somebody is going to have a problem with it.
The sooner you learn to let that stuff roll off your back & not put valuable energy & time into analyzing stupid comments the happier you will be.
I too have a long engagement. Many friends have gotten engaged and married in between us getting engaged and married! Altogether it will be a 27 month engagement. But I've been giving the same responses to everyone who rudely asks, "why the wait?"
Well - FI and I do not want to go into debt paying for our wedding. We just purchased our 2nd home last year and while we COULD have had a wedding on loans and help from our families, we decided to pay for it all ourselves. We can't just pull $20,000 out of our asses!
I've been working several side jobs to pay for my share of the wedding. I think it puts things into perspective for us. We know we worked hard to pay for it and it will be nice going into marriage debt free.
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So I know that there have been posts on this topic before, but this is the first time it's happened to me so I just really need to get it off my chest.
First of all, my friends and family have been nothing but supportive of our decision to have a long engagement. Sometimes I get a little bummed out when I think about how far away it is, but it was a smart move for us. Plus, I love that our wedding date is our dating anniversary and I really like that we get first pick on vendors!
This morning one of my co-workers asked me when FI and I were getting married. I told her June 2012. Her response was "Wow, why are you waiting so long?" (Uhm, okay none of your business, but I get it.. it IS a long engagement.) I told her about saving money and more importantly that we are planning long distance. We have to schedule weekends to visit vendors and can't just go on a random Tuesday night like other couples might be able to. (Everyone I've said this to has totally accepted that answer and move on to something else. Not this lady though, she's a real treat.) Her response was, "I really don't believe in long engagements. I don't understand why people wait so long. I mean, I got married less than a year after my engagement and even that was too long for me." (Oh yea, FWIW... she's divorced. This is not a slight against short engagements AT ALL, more of a slight against why on earth are you lecturing me about my engagement when your own damn marriage didn't work out?!)
This woman is known for a being a bit of a... witch, so I really just need to let it slide off my back, but geezum. I guess it was just unexpected. Why are people so rude? It's none of your business and I really don't care what you think about my engagement. And I am pretty sure that if I told her we were getting married in 4 months she would have had something unpleasant to say about that too.
Anyone else feel like complaining about the rude things people have said about your engagement - long, short or otherwise? My misery is dying for some company today, I think it'll make me feel better. ;)