Post # 1
What do you do when someone who you hadn’t planned on inviting to your wedding asks if they are invited? Since announcing our engagement I have had so many people ask if they are invited! First of all I think it is kind of rude and it makes me feel really awkward if the answer is no. What should I say in response to these people? Does anyone else have this problem?
Post # 3
“We haven’t had a chance to sit down and finalize the guest list yet. We do want to have a small, intimate wedding, so it will mostly be limited to family.”
Post # 4
Since your wedding is so far away I’d just say something like “We haven’t even had time to think about our guest list yet! But I know it’s going to be hard to narrow it down to fit in our venue/budget/etc.” Just keep it vague and offer a loose reason as to why they may end up not being invited. Definitely don’t just invite them because they ask! It’s your day and the people you love most and are closest to should be there, no one else!
Post # 5
be honest, but polite in telling them no. Unless you haven’t completely finalized your guest list, then say you haven’t finalized guest list, and if they ask later after you have then be honest. If the reason is due to budget then just tell them you want an intimate wedding with just very close friends and family.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Be polite and use the words “small intimate wedding” unless you’re having a big wedding and then use words like “so many friends and family we unfortunately can’t include everyone.” I would definitely make sure to sound like they’re not going to get an invitation but I don’t know that I would flat out say no.
Post # 7
@amwoods: Agreed. Why would people ask for a 2013 wedding anyways?
Post # 8
Im having the same issue. Our wedding will be only close friends and family which happens to be around 180ppl. Because of this we cant invite EVERYONE. Lately I have just been saying we havent gotten to the guest list yet but when the day approaches Im just going to be honest and say we didnt have space.
Post # 9
I change the subject very blatently.
Post # 10
I would try to avoid it or say we don’t know, how awkward!! I’d never ask someone that.
Post # 11
I tell them it’s a family affair and I really wish I was able to invite everyone, but money is tight. A lot of people have been understanding.
Post # 12
I also had that happen to me with the people I work with. It’s very awkward because I don’t want to have bad vibes if I tell them they can’t come, but what can you do? I agree with everyone else, just say your having an intimate wedding or the budget just doesn’t allow you to invite everyone you wish could come. Whatever you do, don’t try to make it up by inviting them to something like the bridal shower but not the wedding. That just seems like you’re wanting their present instead of their presence.
Post # 13
People who felt close enough to ask about their invitation to our wedding were people who we already planned on inviting. We had an invite list of around 190 and a showing of 160. I didn’t have anyone who wasn’t invited say to me that they thought they should have been. I guess if we had a small wedding of less than 100 that we would have run into this issue, but having all of our loved oned there was a priority for us.
Post # 14
I just tell them it’s going to be a smaller wedding and mostly family. It won’t be SMALL… but it’s smaller than most people I know.
Post # 15
It is very poor etiqutte to ask for an invitation to any event, let alone a wedding. It would be kind of you to allow the people who do this an opportunity to save face, but you need three or four ready-made statements; something that sounds genuine coming from you.
Since it is early, the “we have not had a chance to prepare a guest list yet” will work fine. As the wedding gets closer, you’ll need to change your response to something like “I’d love to invite everyone, but we just can’t…” and then change the subject.
If your friend/co-worker doesn’t get the hint, you may need to say at some point “I’m so happy that you want to attend, but the invitations have been sent out and we made a conscious decision to keep the wedding small/limited to mostly family members” or something along those lines.
You are not responsible for hurt feelings, but it is always a good policy to be as gentle as you can with this very dicey situation.
I’m in the same boat, so I understand completely!
Post # 16
I’ve had people do this. We’re in law school, so everyone at school seems to think our wedding sounds like a neat social event they should all be invited to. I tell them that we limited law school invites to 10 people, and you’ll know if you’re one of the 10 later. Ha!