Post # 1
Writing this as a vent post, but also because I need advice on how to handle people who react very negatively to any/all ideas I have about my wedding. My fiance and I are planning a very beautiful, albeit somewhat untraditional wedding. We are holding it in the evening (cermony starting at 5), holding the reception in an old firehouse, having breakfast for dinner (but also adding “non-breakfast” options), not serving alcohol, and the guys are not wearing tuxes (or any jackets at all).
Aside from those things, our wedding day will be just like every other wedding…filled with love and excitement, dancing, good food, and FUN. Whenever I have shared wedding details with someone when THEY ask, I am usually met with confusion and overall disappointment. Or, if its from my FMIL and step-mom, flat out disagreement. I am SO excited for my wedding day, and know that it’s going to be the best day of my life, but I get so bummed when people question what my fiance and I have already DECIDED on. Why is it that people feel the need to insert their opinions on a day that has nothing to do with them? For example, stepmom hates our donut cake idea because SHE does not like donuts…doesn’t understand why on earth we would put table runners on a ROUND table. Silly little things like that get under my skin!
I am such a people pleaser and hate to make waves, but I don’t want to sacrifice what I want anymore, when I’ve already had to change so much to please others. Oh, and we are paying for a majority of the wedding ourselves so I do not feel like we are obligated to change our entire wedding vision because someone else is writing the checks.
Has anyone else had to deal with friends + family who didn’t LOVE your wedding ideas? Did you ever say anything to them? AM I CRAZY?! lol thanks for letting me vent, bees, this has been on my heart for a couple days now.
Post # 2
jennabee1218: The older generation in particular, has always had problems with the vision of the younger generation, and this is not limited to weddings. If your parents and FIL’s have not been to very many weddings lately the only vision they have of weddings is the traditions that were in effect when they got married. My, how things have changed.
From now on when anyone asks , just say ” We haven’t finalized decision making in that area yet”, then rock the heck out of your vision when the time comes.
Picture yourself with a white veil that covers you from head to toe. Nothing can penetrate the veil. It will protect you from all criticism. Just smile and say ” We’ll take that under consideration.”
Post # 3
jennabee1218: I think your wedding sounds lovely! I toyed with the idea of having a krispy Kreme stand instead of a wedding cake- we might still on our wedding dessert table. my nana totally doesn’t understand my vision- we are having an ivory and gold, glitz and glam wedding with my bridesmaids in full length gold sequin dresses! which I have had quite a few funny looks from but I love them, my girls do & it really suits our wedding. X
Post # 4
jennabee1218: These posts make me so thankful to have such beautiful supportive people around me! In terms of actually dealing with those issues myself, I can’t offer my own experiences, but I would definitely encourage you to stand strong with your decisions.
This is YOUR wedding. Nobody elses. While you do have to consider the comfort of your guests, it doesn’t seem that anything you’re doing will be of any inconvenience to anyone. It actually sounds like a really beautiful wedding and i’m sure it is a true reflection of you and your FI which is how it should be! People will remember it and love it for that reason.
If you are old enough to be getting married, you are old enough to stand up for yourself! Stick to your guns, you will be so glad you did.
PS we had a Krispy Kreme glazed donut cake at our engagement party and I have never seen people so excited.. I bought an excessive amount just to be safe and they were gone SO quickly! Definitely a hit and people raved about it. If we hadn’t already done it, i’d absolutely have one as our wedding cake!
Post # 5
jennabee1218: PS I should add that maybe if you’re getting a bit down about these situations, respond with ‘we’re keeping it all a secret/surprise’ when they ask what your plans are!
Post # 6
Winterbride_England: Your bridesmaid dresses sound AH-MAZ-ING!!!!!!!!!
Post # 7
Miss_E_xx: Awww thank you! They are gorgeous 🙂 I love Krispy Kreme donughts- not good for my wedding diet though 😉 lol. Definitely going to have to get some then- you’ve convinced me! Lol x
Post # 8
jennabee1218: I have been through extractly the same thing with my sister. She criticised EVERYTHING: date of wedding, day of the week, time of ceremony, venue, guest list, order I’m walking down aisle, centrepieces, honeymoon, hotel choice for the night of… The list is endless. In the end I stopped volunteering updates and when she asked I deflected the question. Now mostly she offers her help (without a snide remark) and it’s much better. You can make EVERYONE happ. So long as you and your FI have an amazing day and your guests are well looked after then that’s all that matters!
Post # 9
Winterbride_England: You’ll have to share pics! My bridesmaids are wearing black and selecting their own dresses.. i’m secretly hoping one goes for all sequins! So fab!
Haha no definitely not good for the diet! I’m counting my daily calories as we speak.. but I tell you, I will be eating to EVERYTHING on our honeymoon! haha
And yes, do the donuts for your wedding! Your guests will love it! (and by then you can have as many as you like too 😉 )
Post # 10
jennabee1218: You are not crazy. Do what makes YOU happy. Yours wedding is yours and your FI’s special day and you need to do what you like. No one else should matter in the decision making unless if they are paying for it or you really want some help/opinions in your decision.
A lot of people my age would probably think my wedding dress is old fashioned, and many of my family members have turned up their nose at the fact that we are not having a fruit cake for our wedding cake. These little things shouldn’t matter though, you need to be happy.
Apart from this advice, I can only suggest that it could help to not give information about your wedding details unless if you are asked about it or if you desperately feel you need advice. People love to have opinions and not everyone will have the same taste.
Post # 11
I hunk your wedding sounds awesome! I get side-eyed by one of my bridesmaids at times because she’s planning her wedding too and we are having 2 completely different weddings. I ignore it. That’s really all you can do. It’s your and your fi’s wedding and if you’re happy everyone else can suck it.
Post # 12
jennabee1218: Yeah, don’t worry about it. People just have their own preconceived ideas about what a wedding should look like, down to the stupidest and least important details. Your wedding sounds like a ton of fun, love the breakfast for dinner idea!