When SO gets angry…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@juliana192:  Honestly? I would probably make fun of him for it and then he starts laughing.

Post # 4
3226 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I usuallky ignore him lol! My FI gets upset about that stuff too! Usually dinner helps!

Post # 5
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I let him whine and moan.  People let off frustration in different ways.  If he feels better afterwards, it’s all that matters.

Post # 6
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

My DH is super level headed so this is extremely unlikely.  But I am pretty hot headed.  

For me, what calms me down is loving physical touch and feeling understood and validated.  If you do that, I’ll be pretty quick to admit that I over reacted and apologize.

Try something like this:

1) Give a nice long hug

2) Say something consoling like, “I know those guys are so dumb!”  Show’s that your on his side, not teaming up agains him with those evil customer support people.*


3) Say something like, “why don’t we go out and get ice cream now.” The goal here is not about the ice cream, it’s about transitioning the discussion to something else.


*I do not think that customer support people are evil.


Post # 7
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mine doesnt get angry. 10 years together and I’ve never seen him angry.

Post # 8
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Mine doesn’t act like that. I get annoyed if people are throwing what I consider a tantrum/fit/stressing me out by them being upset. I’d be sympathetic first, then I’d tell him to get over it. And then I’d get upset if his mood was ruining my day/night/weekend.

Post # 10
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I go do my own thing until he calms himself down.

Post # 11
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@juliana192:  Oh gosh that sounds familiar! My SO and I had a long chat about his complaining a while ago. I explained to him how drained I feel after trying to make him to calm down and see a whole array of silver linings and understand what’s really important and what’s not worth getting upset about, which sometimes takes hours. It worked for about a week, then he went back to his old ways. So I sat him down and repeated the afore-mentioned chat. It was better for a while but when he started reverting back to his old ways, I flat out told him I needed consolation a lot more than he did and started complaining myself! And guess what – it worked! lol He’s been making a real effort to be more positive and it’s such a massive relief. 

Btw, I know your question was about anger but when my SO is complaining, he appears completely pissed off and can’t really be reasoned with so that’s almost the same thing, right?

Post # 12
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@juliana192:  My FI tends to do this and it used to bother me sooo much. But he explained that it is just a way of venting his own personal frustration and the best thing to do is just let him be for awhile. Me pleading or trying to reason with him dosen’t help because he wants to be mad. I can relate to that feeling sometimes myself. So now…I just ignore it completely. And it blows over soon enough and he’s back to his wonderful self. 

Post # 13
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I know how my FI’s mind works really well (he’s got some mental health problems and I spend a lot of time thinking about it and how to make it better) so I usually can talk him down in about 5-10 minutes. He can have some really hot headed reactions to things and I can usually logic him out of them.

Post # 14
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know how he feels. I can get angry and frustrated with people at times. For me, if I am in a foul mood then laughing about me getting angry will only make me worse and usually cause my anger to turn to the laugher…although it hasn’t happened in a while. Either give him a chance to cool off, or if he is a stewer then do something else to take his mind off it.

Post # 15
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve never seen my fiancé angry. He has a very good temper. I’m the one who sometimes gets overly frustrated over details. He usually lets me vent, then we talk about it calmy and I’m capable of admitting that I’ve overreacted and that it was not that big of a deal. I do not stay angry for a long time. And it helps me to have him tell me I shouldn’t take this or that so personal. He helps me relativize and solve the problem. 

Post # 16
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’d poke fun at him until he lightened up. Realistically, I’m the one with the bad temper, so he is usually talking me down. If I’m really pissed off I tend to walk away and take a breather, rather than biting poor FI’s head off (when the problem likely has nothing to do with him).

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