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Last night FI and I went to bed furious at each other over none other than. . . the litter box. Yep you read that write. I cleaned it the night before last, and it was FI's turn. He absolutely hates cleaning the litter box. He then sits there and trys to negotiate with me, saying "We'll if you clean one then I'll clean the other". Meanwhile, I am becoming furious that he is wasting time trying to bargain with me instead of just getting in done, like i do. I call his behaviour childish, he storms off, and that was the end of that.
Jeeze, what a stupid freaking fight. But I'm still bothered by the fact that it takes so much effort just to get him to act like an adult and take car of some of the chores.
Anyone else had a stupid fight recently? On a side note, any tips for getting my lazy-ass fiance to do the chores without whining?
Maybe take over the litter box and have him do something that you hate? Dishes, trash, etc?
PS: If you're planning on having kids eventually, he'll have to get over it because I think pregnant women aren't supposed to clean out kitty litter boxes.
@JenniMichele: oh yeah, I have definitely warned him about the pregnancy thing, I swear he pouted about that for two days, and I'm not even pregnant yet! He has this extreme aversion to poo I guess. I mean, it's not a pleasant chore, but I just do it, and get over it. Why can't he do the same? ugh
I know how you feel with the litter box, but it was a fight I decided just wasn't worth having. We agreed that he'll never have to touch the litterbox as long as I never have to vacuum. (Unless I was pregnant, then obviously he would have to suck it up!)
For something like that, I just wouldn't enter into negotiations. I would just say, it's your job, and then walk away.
But yes, we get into silly bickering fights a lot. For instance, DH constantly wants to have his parents over just for a "visit". He wants them to come over this weekend to see our new furniture. I was like, "Well are we going to go out to dinner, or have dinner at our apt?" And he was like, "No, they'll just come over to see the furniture." Which makes NO SENSE--so you're going to have them make the half hour/45 minute drive to see us, just so they can spend 10 minutes in our apt and then you're going to have them go home?! It makes me so frustrated that he doesn't get how inconsiderate that is. And then he gets mad at me because he sees it as me not wanting to have his parents over.
bahahaha men turn into children when they a) are sick and b) when they have to clean house.
It's totally prehistoric, but they are trained to think women do the housework (even if we do REAL work!)
Good luck on this one...I'm still working on this with my unemployed FI who is supposed to help with chores, but he doesn't :)
Last week, FH jokingly said I don't try to look sexy for him (because I would not take off my pants while cooking..???) and I got really mad because obviously I DO try to look sexy for him, and for some reason, even though I knew it was a joke I got SOOOO MAD and did not let it go. So dumb.
Ugh, I have this fight every other day. I come down the stairs and the litter box STINKS... and I ask him "can't you smell that? why can't you take the initiative to clean it??" and he'll tell me he has a stuffy nose. But he has no trouble smelling dinner cooking or anything like that... um, poo smells a little stronger than whatever I'm making for dinner.
@hilsy85: See, I tried to walk away, but then he accused me of being unreasonable. I was like, "ummm, funny, you didn't want to do half the work the other night when it was my turn, now all of the sudden it's important to split things?!"
@MissBoPeep: I am going to propose this to him tonight, maybe he can pick up the responsibilty for something I hate then I can handle the "dreaded litter box"
@7SEVENJ9: funny how they can have selective smelling, isn't it?
I don't know if this is a solution because I don't have a cat...but could you get an automatic litter box that rakes the litter into a the side pail. I agree he's being ridiculous, but maybe not having to rake the litter himself might make him grow up a bit. My fiance wants a cat (I want a dog, but I'm fine with him getting a kitty too), but I already told him the litter box is his responsibility. I cleaned a friends litter box while they were out of town, and I gagged the entire time (this might also explain why I don't want kids...bleck!)
Ugh! I've been going through the same thing! I'm starting to think it's something in the stars. Me and my FI have been having stupid arguments as well, (not exactly about cat litter) and it's just so exhausting. At least women have the excuse 'it's that time of the month' what do men have that make them act out? :p
We totally negotiate with eachother and make deals to trade "cleanings" lol. I refuse to clean doggy poo so I clean the kitty liter. I vacuum but he has to wash the windows...its pretty great.
We had one 2 nights ago. Pretty stupid, we were at the store and i asked him to pick out an ice cream. He hates to make decisions on his own so we ended up with nothing sweet to take home..owell. But it turned into an argument over him NEVER wanting to make any decision, he waits and waits and thinks there is always time to wait and see. So because of this he had to settle on a shirt for the wedding, he was not able to get the one he wanted cause he waited too long. And the cufflinks he ordered will not be here either because he waited too long. And it makes me feel bad because I know he really wanted this stuff but I I turn into the "nag" because I remind him so much. It was a quick argument, ended that same night. I chalk it up to the stress of being so close to the wedding :)
PS... Mine wil NOT scoop the litter box at all. But to get him to help with other things I ask, or I always make sure to tell him how much I love and appreciate he helps, and he gave me homemade coupons as a gift so I "turn those in" quite often :) LOVE clean kitchen coupons!
Stupid fight we always have: I don't think he is verbal/expresses himself enough. If you need something or are mad TELL ME and we can deal with it. Sitting silently brooding accomplishes nothing. Plus it makes me mad. Then I yell "Just talk to me!" And then he gets frustrated which makes him more quiet and i get more frustrated...you see where this is going.
How to get men to help clean without whining: 1)Duct tape their mouths closed. 2) Praise and reward them outrageously when they do. Like they are a small child. Remember how excited little kids get about getting a sticker? Same concept. 3) Don't complain about how they do it when (if) they do it. If you want it done your way, do it yourself, if you want them to do it, just let them do it. 4)Remind them that you do not negotiate with terrorists, but if you DID negotiate, you might want to consider who has more to lose in a war of attrition.
Good luck!
@ktisthatbees: It works out well for us because of how much I hate vacuuming. No idea why, but I'm pretty sure it's the root of all evil.
@ktisthatbees: Ha, gotta love the guy logic that gets them out of doing their share! :)
Ugh I feel like guys have a really really hard time with "sucking it up" sometimes. My guy tends to pout/get really cranky when he has to do something that is annoying. I have probably lost count of the number of times I've said to him: Yep. Being a grown up sucks sometimes... but you don't hear me bitch about going to the grocery store do you? SUCK IT UP.
I feel like his pouting is getting more sporadic at least haha.
This happens to me too! I hate having stupid fights but sometimes the irritation or frustration just takes over and you get way angrier then you intended and all over something really simple and silly
@Miss Peach Tree: hahaha, I just spit out my coffee at work when I read your last tip, that is amazing.
@pinkb: ok I'm sensing a pattern here, what is it with men and litter boxes, SERIOUSLY?
Take the littler box and give him another chore.
I fight about this stuff too. I get upset because I like to get things done early - I don't like to procrastinate because I hate running out of things and HAVING to go to the store at the last minute. FI...not so much. KING of procrastinators. "Yes, I have soda, don't buy any at the store that you are at right now." 3 days later: " I'm out of soda..." That would be my problem, how? Anyway, we fight and then we make assignments. He gets the water bottles filled (for me) and I check his soda stash before I go grocery shopping. He has also worked on telling me when he's almost out of something.
My point is...make deals, assign chores, AND feel free to have that initial fight about it. It solves problems. Communication is good.
I feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one who gets into stupid fights....and I don't even have a litter box!
When we first moved in together, it took a while to sort out who would do which chores, and we would get into little petty fights about whose turn it was to do what. I was doing way too much, and he was doing way too little. We ended up doing what a previous poster suggested - we figured out which chores each of us hated the most, and the other person was responsible for doing them. I did all the laundry and ironing, but never had to clean the bathroom, etc. It's worked out great and we don't get into arguments about this anymore.
I totally know what you mean. I get so frustrated with my DH because he is actually too neat and organized to an extent where he now opens my mail and puts all my stuff away without telling me. I actually yelled at him on Saturday when he signed for a certified letter adressed to ME and proceeded to open it without telling me it was actually my letter, the whole while I was standing right next to him. I only realized it was addressed to me because he made a comment while opening it "Hmm looks like our management company is getting angry we haven't signed our lease" I mean even though we both pay the rent so really the letter is both of our business, the lease is in only my name so it wasn't addressed to Mr. & Mrs. I was so mad that he would go as far as to sign for MY letter and start to open it without respecting my privacy at all.
And I snap at him when I'm searching all over our small apartment for my hoodie or headphones or something I need that he's put away in a different spot where I don't normally keep it. Meanwhile he's at work, not answering my calls or texts asking where the freaking thing is so I can go running already. It usually leads to me being still angry about it when he gets home and not a pleasant night. Sigh..
@realeastcoaster: That's exactly what we did when DH moved in. It started out with me doing everything, then one day I flipped out so we divided and conquered based on what we both hated most. I now never have to vacuum or mop ever again and DH never has to clean the toilets. Win-win.
My DH and I fought on Saturday night because the house needed to be vaccumed. So he says, "I can't I have to study". Well, I'm cleaning the whole house and I'm asking you to vaccum so you can do it. UGH. So annoying. Finally I just yelled, "JUST SAY YES HONEY!" and he did...and he vaccumed. But why the drama?! He's going to do it. I know he's going to and he knows he's going to - because I want him to, because we're both adults, and because he's able bodied and not bleeding from anywhere...
So just DO IT.
End rant.
Fi and I have these fights all the time. What gets me is say if he takes a day off all he does is sit and watch TV. While if I take a day off I still have stuff that needs to be done around the house. For example dinner for the night. Okay, yes I work from home but if he is home during a work day would it kill him to take something out of the freezer for dinner? Instead of when I get done with work for the day and come upstairs to him asking me what is for dinner.
My FI used to dislike households with cats because of the inevitable chemical-ish smell of the cat litter that would permeate the home. If that is a contributing factor to your FI's aversion to cleaning the litter box, beyond the poo and his just not wanting to do it, may I suggest a litter called, "The World's Best Cat Litter"? hehe Yes, that's really the name. It is a corn-based natural litter and doesn't have that chemical smell.
If you want to bring in the big guns, try a self-cleaning litter box, so the most either of you have to do is gather the bag from the self-cleaner instead of trolling for clumps yourself. Here's a link with a number of results for self-cleaning litter boxes:
http://www.petco.com/shop/searchresults.aspx?Ntt=self-cleaning+litter&x=0&y=0
Perhaps these items will make life a little easier around the home.
Otherwise, and more to the point, I agree with previous posters that perhaps you just take over the litter box chore and have FI do a chore you can't stand. Done deal. Good luck!
FI does this a lot. I mean a lot. Not just with cleaning, but anything that requires energy... granted he works 60, sometimes 70 hour weeks so I feel bad asking anything of him but even if he has 4 days off, nothing gets done...by him.
Oh-and if I get frustrated with him then in turn he gets mad at me and storms off... I think he's just super sensitive if anyone is angry with him. But it is annoying.
@Cornflakegirl - I use Swheat Scoop cat litter and it doesnt have that smell either - and it's flushable! And clumping! The only time the box smells is when it's been a week in between scoopings (which should never happen) or when our small cat poops in it, since she's a princess and doesn't feel the need to cover it!
@7SEVENJ9: Nice! I'll look into that brand, thanks for the tip. LOL my cat is the same.
@7SEVENJ9: I use schweat too! Love it. (Well, as much as someone can love litter)
@moderndaisy: OMG that would make me so mad if FI put away my stuff and I had no idea where it was. I have a visual memory of where I put everything, so if he moves it, I'd be screwed!!
@Treasure43: what was the fight about? 2% versus whole? Cause we've had that fight too :(
@Sassygrn: OMG FI does that to me too! I got so mad at him one time because for ONCE I wanted him to cook dinner instead of me and we got into a yelling match because he said he didn't know how to make a meal, with me yelling back "There's plenty of stuff in the pantry, just freaking make something!"
His mother clearly waited on him hand and foot and now I have to deal with the aftermath. . .vile woman.
Holy crap yes. You are NOT alone! :)
We got into a huge argument several weeks ago because he won't brush his teeth at night (YUCK). I am still hot over it to be honest with you and getting mad even thinking about it! It's so hard not to say anything when he's 28 years old and should just do it without me having to badger him. Sheesh.
@gocubbies: that's one thing that we don't fight over...because I told him I won't get it on at night if his breath smells like crap (honestly, thats a mood killer for me). I also take really great care of my teeth/mouth so when I flash my pearly white's next to him in the bathroom mirror, he always reaches for the whitening tooth paste after that...which I kind of feel bad about but I don't say anything so that's just me being passive aggressive
Wanna know what works for me? If he does something I know he doesn't want to do, I tell him how happy it makes me and how hot I think he is while doing it. Then I give him a little "treat". He usually starts doing it all the time without me having to ask... lol
@Megan316: sooo pretty much like you have to train a kid? haha, and FI wonders why I call him childish. Men!
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